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The tears I shed will never cease
This pain, it brings me to my knees
This pain, this loss, of what I speak
The stench of guilt, of which I reek
I can’t deny I lost my way, the years saw me starting to pray, and the answers never came, my life seems so full of shame. People I let myself get close to, tragedy follows me, death laughs at me, as he takes those I hold dear, almost teasing me, messing with me, it’s never me, it’s always them, death has something against me, and it’s always my friends who pay.
Now I’m scared to dream at night
Recent times I tried to fight
The dark has swallowed up the light
And now there’s nothing in sight
I spent every day with you, you were all I knew, I always looked up to you, I wanted to be like you, every time I ran into a problem I would always think of what you would do, it seemed to get me through every time, I never thought I’d be face with this problem, how do I move on? How do I let go? I was there when you were faced with this problem, you said the only thing that got you through was me, the fact we had each other, no matter how hard things got, as long as you had me you would be able to move on. Well, now the tides have turned, those words you whispered in my ear, they no longer apply, things changed, and now I’m without you, I’m lost, as to what I should do, I don’t have you anymore, so it seems I’ll have to fight this on my own, I’ll try as best I can brother, but I’m scared.
Wow, “brother”, I haven’t said that word in a while, I wonder if you remember, how our story first began, it runs through my mind all the time, these memories are all I have now, if only you could read this now, maybe you could even send a comment back with a description of what I do next, that would really be helpful right now, and who knows?, I wouldn’t put it past you, you have no idea what I would do just to see you, that face, those emerald eyes, I remember whenever I looked at you, in your eyes, I would see the universe, I would see how great life can be, never since have I seen such things. Our dreams, once bright and burning full of passion, now they are all but in the dusk, well, the important part at least, the bit where we do it together, now it’s all up to me, I’ll try as best I can brother, but I’m scared
So I conclude with this, losing someone so special to you, someone you loved so dearly, to lose that person, it’s the greatest loss ever, how do we move on? Do we ever really move on? How can you make it? Through the endless tears and screaming, against your pillow every night, how do you get up in the morning knowing your loved one won’t be there with you? How can you live? I know we all live, we all exist, but that’s not the same as living, in my eyes, anyway I’m starting to go off topic. The pain, the sorrow, it lingers, does it ever fade? I’d really like to know right now: /
I only started to write this because I haven’t been on FA for a while and I felt like I needed to do something, well, here it is, straight and true. Hope you guys like it.
This pain, it brings me to my knees
This pain, this loss, of what I speak
The stench of guilt, of which I reek
I can’t deny I lost my way, the years saw me starting to pray, and the answers never came, my life seems so full of shame. People I let myself get close to, tragedy follows me, death laughs at me, as he takes those I hold dear, almost teasing me, messing with me, it’s never me, it’s always them, death has something against me, and it’s always my friends who pay.
Now I’m scared to dream at night
Recent times I tried to fight
The dark has swallowed up the light
And now there’s nothing in sight
I spent every day with you, you were all I knew, I always looked up to you, I wanted to be like you, every time I ran into a problem I would always think of what you would do, it seemed to get me through every time, I never thought I’d be face with this problem, how do I move on? How do I let go? I was there when you were faced with this problem, you said the only thing that got you through was me, the fact we had each other, no matter how hard things got, as long as you had me you would be able to move on. Well, now the tides have turned, those words you whispered in my ear, they no longer apply, things changed, and now I’m without you, I’m lost, as to what I should do, I don’t have you anymore, so it seems I’ll have to fight this on my own, I’ll try as best I can brother, but I’m scared.
Wow, “brother”, I haven’t said that word in a while, I wonder if you remember, how our story first began, it runs through my mind all the time, these memories are all I have now, if only you could read this now, maybe you could even send a comment back with a description of what I do next, that would really be helpful right now, and who knows?, I wouldn’t put it past you, you have no idea what I would do just to see you, that face, those emerald eyes, I remember whenever I looked at you, in your eyes, I would see the universe, I would see how great life can be, never since have I seen such things. Our dreams, once bright and burning full of passion, now they are all but in the dusk, well, the important part at least, the bit where we do it together, now it’s all up to me, I’ll try as best I can brother, but I’m scared
So I conclude with this, losing someone so special to you, someone you loved so dearly, to lose that person, it’s the greatest loss ever, how do we move on? Do we ever really move on? How can you make it? Through the endless tears and screaming, against your pillow every night, how do you get up in the morning knowing your loved one won’t be there with you? How can you live? I know we all live, we all exist, but that’s not the same as living, in my eyes, anyway I’m starting to go off topic. The pain, the sorrow, it lingers, does it ever fade? I’d really like to know right now: /
I only started to write this because I haven’t been on FA for a while and I felt like I needed to do something, well, here it is, straight and true. Hope you guys like it.
Category Poetry / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 21.5 kB
Hey Okamii,
I just read your poem, and I have to say, I know what you must be going through. The sheer agony of arriving too late, of feeling utterly helpless, and the excruciating pain that grips your heart. I also wanted to let you know that I once went through a long period of depression, mainly focusing on how much I truly hated myself, and how I just wanted it all to end so I wouldn't be forced to endure the endless pain of my existence. To be completely honest, I actually tried to end my life, due to the agony I felt because I was so different. Something else about me you probably didn't know is that I am slightly Autistic. I have Asperger's Syndrome, so basically, I have a high IQ, vocabulary, etc...yet, I have difficulty recognizing and reading social cues, and nonverbal communication. I was forced to endure so much SHIT when I was young that I would've given anything, ANYTHING! to be a normal, socially acceptable person. But did everyone else show me ANY kindness?! Did anyone show me ANY sympathy?! NO!!! The only thing THEY cared about, (and this just about made me want to tear their heads off!) was doing whatever they could to make my life a living living HELL.
This continued day after day from grades 1-6, and then everything seemed to take a turn for the better when I went into Jr. High, and then High School.
I have to be honest here, and tell you that I'm usually not this open about my past life, but it seems that in helping you through your losses I feel like I can trust you with my life. Plus, we have so much in common that I often think of you as the brother I never had. I value our furiendship more than you'll ever know. *blushes a deep crimson* Alright, I'm just going to come right out and say it: I love ya man. Just remember this: if you ever need anything, NEVER hesitate to let me know, ok? Whatever it is, all you need to do is ask, and I'll do whatever I can to help.
Stay strong Okamii.
Skywolf_Goldenpaws
I just read your poem, and I have to say, I know what you must be going through. The sheer agony of arriving too late, of feeling utterly helpless, and the excruciating pain that grips your heart. I also wanted to let you know that I once went through a long period of depression, mainly focusing on how much I truly hated myself, and how I just wanted it all to end so I wouldn't be forced to endure the endless pain of my existence. To be completely honest, I actually tried to end my life, due to the agony I felt because I was so different. Something else about me you probably didn't know is that I am slightly Autistic. I have Asperger's Syndrome, so basically, I have a high IQ, vocabulary, etc...yet, I have difficulty recognizing and reading social cues, and nonverbal communication. I was forced to endure so much SHIT when I was young that I would've given anything, ANYTHING! to be a normal, socially acceptable person. But did everyone else show me ANY kindness?! Did anyone show me ANY sympathy?! NO!!! The only thing THEY cared about, (and this just about made me want to tear their heads off!) was doing whatever they could to make my life a living living HELL.
This continued day after day from grades 1-6, and then everything seemed to take a turn for the better when I went into Jr. High, and then High School.
I have to be honest here, and tell you that I'm usually not this open about my past life, but it seems that in helping you through your losses I feel like I can trust you with my life. Plus, we have so much in common that I often think of you as the brother I never had. I value our furiendship more than you'll ever know. *blushes a deep crimson* Alright, I'm just going to come right out and say it: I love ya man. Just remember this: if you ever need anything, NEVER hesitate to let me know, ok? Whatever it is, all you need to do is ask, and I'll do whatever I can to help.
Stay strong Okamii.
Skywolf_Goldenpaws
You always feel like when someone knows about it, they always make you feel inferior to them. And you always feel like you're being ignored, just because they don't see things the way you do. You were always bullied in school, because everyone knew there was something different about you. Some people associate autism with stupidity. They say things like "Are you stupid, or something. Oh no, that's right, you're autistic." Am I close?
wow, autism, i can't imagine how hard that must of been, being bullied really isn't fun and it shouldn't happen to anyone, especialy not to you, i can't say iv'e gone through anything as tough as that, when me and kyle first moved to england we were bullied, victims of racism, not nice, well, kyle can't be bullied anymore, he's in a better place now, and well i had to work my way up from the bottom and eventually i fought against the bullies, and gained their respect. once again i cant help but feel really sorry for what you had to endure.
as for the other bit *blushes* wow, you should know i trust you with everything by now, you were the first person who ever tried to reach out to me, you helped me through more than even i know of, when i first joined i was kinda at the second peak of my depresion, it was really bad a couple of years ago where i couldn't go anywhere without looking at random objects and thinking "i could kill myself with that", i managed to fight it on my own, with only my and kylke's dream which got me through, then recently a few months ago i kinda got worse again since i realised it's gonna be basicaly impossible to achieve that dream. i was a mess before i met you, now i'm kinda starting to see life for what it is, and not what it isn't, kinda more positive, i'm able to smile for once, and well i owe it all to you, without you i don't know what i would of done, i don't know what i would be doing right now. for that i was always trust you and..*blushes again*i...i love you too :) i know i can always turn to you for anything, and i hope you know i'll always be here for you like you were me.
thank you Skywolf,
Okamii_xx
as for the other bit *blushes* wow, you should know i trust you with everything by now, you were the first person who ever tried to reach out to me, you helped me through more than even i know of, when i first joined i was kinda at the second peak of my depresion, it was really bad a couple of years ago where i couldn't go anywhere without looking at random objects and thinking "i could kill myself with that", i managed to fight it on my own, with only my and kylke's dream which got me through, then recently a few months ago i kinda got worse again since i realised it's gonna be basicaly impossible to achieve that dream. i was a mess before i met you, now i'm kinda starting to see life for what it is, and not what it isn't, kinda more positive, i'm able to smile for once, and well i owe it all to you, without you i don't know what i would of done, i don't know what i would be doing right now. for that i was always trust you and..*blushes again*i...i love you too :) i know i can always turn to you for anything, and i hope you know i'll always be here for you like you were me.
thank you Skywolf,
Okamii_xx
*hugs you close, eyes shining with unshed tears of gratitude* Come here you! *pounces playfully* I'm so touched that you think so highly of me. I've never forgotten how deeply you trust me, and I must say, I am honored to know this, and I wouldn't trade our furiendship for the world. And don't worry about never achieving your dream, you'll make it someday, I swear it man. If I can provide any verbal and/or emotional support, please let me know. I also would like to let you know that because of our connection, I too now trust you with my life.
As I said before, I've always thought of you as the brother I never had, and I just wanted to remind you how much this means to me. As you've often said, if anything ever happened to you, I would never forgive myself.
As I said before, I've always thought of you as the brother I never had, and I just wanted to remind you how much this means to me. As you've often said, if anything ever happened to you, I would never forgive myself.
Well, I thought I might be. Because I too, have Asperger's. But I don't like to label myself. They slap you with a label, just so they can separate you from Society's 'normal' people. But basically, everything you have gone through, well, same here. I too came close to killing myself. Even at my current age of 26, I still get treated like shit. But, now I feel like I have a reason to live. I always like to help people, when, and wherever needed. I also like to class myself as sort of a peacemaker. Anyway, sorry Luke for filling up your page with my issues.
There is actually something else I would like to open up about though. As I said before, there was no end to the bullying I received when I was young. I remember I used to go swimming weekly, during school. And week after week, the other kids just kept going to no end trying to drown me. I remember one week, where I just couldn't be bothered to fight it anymore, and wished they'd just get it over with. But, it was at days end, and it ended with one of lifegaurds, having to fish me out of the water.
Then there was some other kid at school, Gary Gorman. He was ALWAYS beating on me. Then, I remember one day, when he was just standing up against a corridor wall. He looked like he was depressed about something. But, instead of asking him what was wrong, I took advantage of that moment. All I felt for him, was anger, and just started insulting him to no end. Of course, he chased me out the building. But he killed himself that year. And I often keep wondering, if I just went up to him, and asked him what the problem was (he'd probably have knocked me clean out). But if I just tried to find out what the trouble was, he may still be alive today. But, that's all in the past now, and there is nothing I can do to change it. Well, we all have our stories eh. All I can do, is try to keep my mind off all the bad memories. And try to look forward to good things. They don't have to be big, just little this to keep me occupied. Like, for example, i'll be doing some karaoke this weekend. That always cheers me up. Anyway, just wanted to get that all out.
Then there was some other kid at school, Gary Gorman. He was ALWAYS beating on me. Then, I remember one day, when he was just standing up against a corridor wall. He looked like he was depressed about something. But, instead of asking him what was wrong, I took advantage of that moment. All I felt for him, was anger, and just started insulting him to no end. Of course, he chased me out the building. But he killed himself that year. And I often keep wondering, if I just went up to him, and asked him what the problem was (he'd probably have knocked me clean out). But if I just tried to find out what the trouble was, he may still be alive today. But, that's all in the past now, and there is nothing I can do to change it. Well, we all have our stories eh. All I can do, is try to keep my mind off all the bad memories. And try to look forward to good things. They don't have to be big, just little this to keep me occupied. Like, for example, i'll be doing some karaoke this weekend. That always cheers me up. Anyway, just wanted to get that all out.
oh my god, i don't know what i can say to that, first of all, don't be sorry for anything :) i'd much rather you fill my page up with issues than you having to keep it to yourself :) secondly, i'm so sorry to hear your story, i could never imagine ever being bullied that badly, if it was me i wouldn't ever be able to keep going as long as you did, you are an incredibly strong person, and well, this may seem a bit weird coming from me but don't blame youself for what happened to gary, i know you said it's the past and it's good to see your able to move on, but incase this ever creeps up on your mind again, it wasn't your fault, sometimes the ones who seem strongest for the most part are the one's in the most vulnerable position, thats life, i admire you for the fact that even after all that you can look at the finer things in life.
i hope this was of any comfort to you, if not then just ignore me :)
as for skywolf, *looking up to you from where you pounced me, smiling, a tear forming in my eye* you don't know how happy i am i met you, and everyone else as well, you guys all mean alot to me, i'm at the point where i long to come home from a long day of college just to go on FA and talk to you guys and reading this convo through made me really emmotional now :')
no matter what happens skywolf, i will always think this highly of you, i will always be grateful for what you've one, your an amazing human being (and fur)and i count myself very lucky to, out of 204 countries full of billions of people, i'm lucky i got the chance to meet you.
you can rest assured i won't hesitate to talk to you about anything, i hope you feel the same for me, anything you need, i'm here and the same goes for you shaspio.
once again, thanks you guys
i hope this was of any comfort to you, if not then just ignore me :)
as for skywolf, *looking up to you from where you pounced me, smiling, a tear forming in my eye* you don't know how happy i am i met you, and everyone else as well, you guys all mean alot to me, i'm at the point where i long to come home from a long day of college just to go on FA and talk to you guys and reading this convo through made me really emmotional now :')
no matter what happens skywolf, i will always think this highly of you, i will always be grateful for what you've one, your an amazing human being (and fur)and i count myself very lucky to, out of 204 countries full of billions of people, i'm lucky i got the chance to meet you.
you can rest assured i won't hesitate to talk to you about anything, i hope you feel the same for me, anything you need, i'm here and the same goes for you shaspio.
once again, thanks you guys
Wow. Um, thanks. thanks a lot. I didn't really intend to write that for any sympathy. I was just trying to make my point about looking ahead, towards good things. And taking your mind off the bad stuff. But, thank you VERY much.
Hey, you know what, we are fighters. Me and Skywolf just trying to get through our lives. You Dingo, coping with the loss of your friend. You know what, we should form a pack. With you Dingo, as the leader of course.
There is no way we are EVER going to let ANYTHING separate us. And any obstacles, we will not let them bring us down. Everyone think this is a good idea?
Hey, you know what, we are fighters. Me and Skywolf just trying to get through our lives. You Dingo, coping with the loss of your friend. You know what, we should form a pack. With you Dingo, as the leader of course.
There is no way we are EVER going to let ANYTHING separate us. And any obstacles, we will not let them bring us down. Everyone think this is a good idea?
I second that Sorry for the late reply. Been away from the net the past few days. Oh, and you can call me G if you like (short for Geoff) I think you'd make a brilliant leader Skywolf. But the reason I thought Luke would be good, is because it was he, who kinda brought us together. But, he agreed to your request, so, i'd be proud to be a member of your pack
*punches shoulder lightly in thanks* That's great news G, and, I was brainstorming pack names last night till 3am, and Luke and I came up with 2 options: Starpaw (Lukes idea) and SLG (my idea, which is a combination of all our names). I also just now came up with another idea: ISW (Independent Society of Wolves) What do you think of these? If you have any other ideas for names, just send me a note or reply to this post.
Well, firstly, I want to know how you knew last night that my name was G (you know, SLG), before I even mentioned it here? If Luke told you, then that's fine. Secondly, I like your ideas for using abbreviations for titles. But, I think Starpaw, well is looks to be exactly the kind of style that would fit on FA. Ugh buuut, Independent Society of Wolves. Now THAT really does look to be something that would seperate us from all the rest. Kinda a dilemma. As for my own ideas, i'm drawing a blank. Err... you choose.
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