I am so sorry to hear this. I know the pain of losing a beloved pet. But, I will say something that I hope can give you a bit of comfort; when I look at Frisbee, he's getting old and slowing down a bit. I know I won't have him much longer, but when he leaves me, I hope it's peacefully in his sleep, just like your little one. A few years ago, I had to put my cat, Azul down and that was of the hardest things I ever had to do. To have your pet in your arms as it receives a shot to sedate it, then another to show his heart, I quite literally held him in my arms as he died in front of me. Zero's passing is what I hope for Frisbee. I want him to quietly go to sleep in his bed and for his spirit to depart peacefully, instead of being in a place that was unfamiliar and smelled of disease and death. He was scared and I was sad. But, I stayed with him until the end. The vet had asked me if I just wanted to drop him off and the give him the injections once I'm gone and I thought that was just horrible, but he explained that some people breakdown, just as I did. It's easier for them to say their farewell and have their last memory of their pet be one where he is still alive, not dead, eyes wide open and unable to close, in your arms. I understood why they felt as they did, but I could never leave him alone to die in a scary place, alone, and afraid. You were spared that. I know it might sound morbid, but in a way, you were lucky. I know the pain you are going through, but just know that the way Zero died is the very best way for them to leave us. It's what I hope happens for Frisbee. I don't know if I made things worse, but I honestly hope I made sense and more than that, I hope you could find even a little comfort from everything I just said. It will time, but it will get easier to think about him. There will still be days when you will cry, just as I am doing while I'm writing this note. But, as sad as I am, I know he had a good life, because I was there to make sure that he did. He wasn't a lost soul in an animal shelter, suffering through a painful, often abbreviated fate. He had a home and someone that loved him very much. That is the blessing and the life that you gave your little one, that's why I know he died a peaceful death. You need to mourn and you will for, perhaps, a long time, but it will get easier, I promise. Just keep moving forward. ♡

The way you described Azul reminded me so much of what I went through when I had to put Zero's sister, Yuna, down nine years ago. You remember her, right: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/11411245/

She developed idiopathic aggression towards both me and Zero back then. The only option I had was to put her down, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through. Like you, though, I stayed with her as the vet gave her the injections and held her in my arms until she passed. The vet also offered me the same option to drop her off before they gave the injections, but I choose to stay. Even though she was suffering on the inside, I didn't want to leave her alone like that. I wanted to be by her side just to tell her that I loved her.

I've had both cats since they were kittens. That was 13 years ago. Though Zero outlived his sister, I still like to know that I gave him the best life he could have. I'm thankful I still have Fire with me, though. She's taking this just as hard as I am. Those two were inseparable ever since I brought Fire home with me, and now she's alone for the first time in a lone while. I've been spending more time with her the last couple of days. She's slowly coming around to the realization that her bestie is not coming back, and she's certainly showing it to me at least. She's been cuddling up to me as if to claim me all to herself, and she still lets me hold her like I always do. For a tortoiseshell, who are known for their sassy attitude, I certainly did spoil her rotten, but then again, she's the one who chose me, so I couldn't help but spoil her!

Thanks for the kind words. I think me and fuzzybutts will be alright. We still have each other, and we need each other more than ever.

I'm so happy that you are able to get through this well and that you are healing. I'm very glad that you have your other little ones and that they are also coping with the loss. *hugs*

I'm so sorry for your loss, may your fur baby rest in peace </3

Thank you. Rest assured he'll be resting in peace with his little sister (who I lost nine years ago...he's joining her and probably terrorizing her).

My cat, who lived for 16 years, died in February 2020, I still can’t forget her. I understand how painful this is and I offer my condolences. By the way, she was also black, but she had white paws and white spot on the nose. In recent years, she was seriously ill and underwent two operations. Her name was Lisa. It's sad when friends leave :(