This Friday marks...the 5th Anniversary of my Brother's passing...

I know that's a lot of time to get over it, but part of me still just feels like this is all just a really bad dream.
My 2 brothers and I were really all we had in this world and we did have our moments but we did care for each other and helped
out as much as possible with our Mom.

I know it just happened, but part of me still feels like I made this happened. I caused a lot of problems with with my family: dropping out of school,
ignoring my responsibilities, becoming a burden on everyone, losing all respect for myself and others and being too stubborn to ask for help.
So, my brother took my place when I didn't want to by getting a job, helping out with our newborn neice and other things.

Despite all that, he still managed to be a better person than I could ever be, even now. The last time I ever saw him was when we were all staying in
a hotel and he was going to work. My other brother and I stayed up and waited for him to come home, but...

I got a call from my mother the next day about what happened...his co-worker found him on the Break Room floor....and he wasn't breathing.

I always seem to ask myself what would have happened if I was a better big brother? Would he have still been here or would I have been?
Would he have seen all of the things he never got to see or have had a more fufilling life? I waited too long to behave like a man and I
lost someone who had to become one. I'll always live with that, and I'll always miss him.

*You don't have to read this, but if you do.....thank you.