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I really disappeared for a long time huh.
After two years I finally caught Roni and it has given me a lot of time to think about the last year and a half. Originally I thought only bad things happened but after thinking things through I could not be further from the truth!
2020 was a bad year for everyone, me included. I lost a lot of friendships because of my actions and immaturity. The final friendship ended at the start of 2021 and took me months to get over. It was rough, very rough, I had developed an unhealthy dependency.
While one friendship ended, I was driven to rekindle old ones, I started talking to old friends again. I owe these individuals so much, they supported me through my depression. One friend opened me up to my interest in the occult and witchcraft, I explored patrons figuring out which was mine. While even now, I am skeptical about the legitimacy of everything, I know for sure talking to a candle made me feel warm when I was feeling alone.
Later in the year, I was confessed too. I have very low self-confidence, appearance and personality-wise, hearing that someone who I looked up to liked me in that way made me feel that I had a chance for once. I was sadly not ready for anything like that, but that did not mean it was not a huge boost to my confidence.
Last year I managed to get a short contract at a game studio. Admittedly I do not know if this was really beneficial as it lead to a mental crisis asking if this is what I want to do? Especially because I do not feel like my art is good enough to get into another studio. I did however make a friend during my placement who has introduced me to my local friend group, people who I can hang out with in person all the time. People who drink and party, something I felt was difficult to do during university. I love my friends, I love them to bits. I finally got to check spending New Years' Eve with friends off my checklist, it was an amazing night even though I spent a lot of the time reminiscing my friends instantly fixed my mood!
Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted a surprise birthday party. That did not happen, instead, my amazing friends all cosplayed some of my OCS... See the reason I studied character design was because I always dreamt of making game characters that people love to the point of cosplaying them. I hope to have enough confidence one day that I can tell my friends how much they are impacted my life. This one year has probably been one of the best years of my life, drawn with 2019.
Similar to friends is family, my home life still sucks and I am saving up to move out. I met my Dad and Grandmother for the first time last year, they are amazing. My grandmother is a former support worker, she shared wisdom on how to deal with my mental health which funnily enough I am doing right now. Her words of wisdom were to write down my thoughts because it gives me control over them. My Dad is cool, I take after him. We love to talk about the local gay scene as he used to be involved in it. He even paid for my hotel in Ireland.
Now, why did I go to Ireland? To get a cool tattoo. I had a rough episode during the winter of last year and I developed an interest in tattoos again. I found an artist I love and went and got tattooed.
How could I forget? I made other big purchases this last year and a half, I built a pc, I bought an Argentine black and white tegu who hates me. It's been wild.
I doubt that anyone has read this ramble, it was mostly a way to type out my feelings like a sap without bothering friends. If you did read, thank you for your time. The year has had its godawful moments and I miss people I did wrong, people I would apologize to if I could. That does not mean it was only rubbish though. A lot of amazing things have happened, I've met people who lifted me up and help me find new passions. I currently work to earn money for my pets and goals. I even get commissions now!!! I think I am going to use my FA for vent pieces and thoughts now, perhaps I will ramble again at a later date.
After two years I finally caught Roni and it has given me a lot of time to think about the last year and a half. Originally I thought only bad things happened but after thinking things through I could not be further from the truth!
2020 was a bad year for everyone, me included. I lost a lot of friendships because of my actions and immaturity. The final friendship ended at the start of 2021 and took me months to get over. It was rough, very rough, I had developed an unhealthy dependency.
While one friendship ended, I was driven to rekindle old ones, I started talking to old friends again. I owe these individuals so much, they supported me through my depression. One friend opened me up to my interest in the occult and witchcraft, I explored patrons figuring out which was mine. While even now, I am skeptical about the legitimacy of everything, I know for sure talking to a candle made me feel warm when I was feeling alone.
Later in the year, I was confessed too. I have very low self-confidence, appearance and personality-wise, hearing that someone who I looked up to liked me in that way made me feel that I had a chance for once. I was sadly not ready for anything like that, but that did not mean it was not a huge boost to my confidence.
Last year I managed to get a short contract at a game studio. Admittedly I do not know if this was really beneficial as it lead to a mental crisis asking if this is what I want to do? Especially because I do not feel like my art is good enough to get into another studio. I did however make a friend during my placement who has introduced me to my local friend group, people who I can hang out with in person all the time. People who drink and party, something I felt was difficult to do during university. I love my friends, I love them to bits. I finally got to check spending New Years' Eve with friends off my checklist, it was an amazing night even though I spent a lot of the time reminiscing my friends instantly fixed my mood!
Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted a surprise birthday party. That did not happen, instead, my amazing friends all cosplayed some of my OCS... See the reason I studied character design was because I always dreamt of making game characters that people love to the point of cosplaying them. I hope to have enough confidence one day that I can tell my friends how much they are impacted my life. This one year has probably been one of the best years of my life, drawn with 2019.
Similar to friends is family, my home life still sucks and I am saving up to move out. I met my Dad and Grandmother for the first time last year, they are amazing. My grandmother is a former support worker, she shared wisdom on how to deal with my mental health which funnily enough I am doing right now. Her words of wisdom were to write down my thoughts because it gives me control over them. My Dad is cool, I take after him. We love to talk about the local gay scene as he used to be involved in it. He even paid for my hotel in Ireland.
Now, why did I go to Ireland? To get a cool tattoo. I had a rough episode during the winter of last year and I developed an interest in tattoos again. I found an artist I love and went and got tattooed.
How could I forget? I made other big purchases this last year and a half, I built a pc, I bought an Argentine black and white tegu who hates me. It's been wild.
I doubt that anyone has read this ramble, it was mostly a way to type out my feelings like a sap without bothering friends. If you did read, thank you for your time. The year has had its godawful moments and I miss people I did wrong, people I would apologize to if I could. That does not mean it was only rubbish though. A lot of amazing things have happened, I've met people who lifted me up and help me find new passions. I currently work to earn money for my pets and goals. I even get commissions now!!! I think I am going to use my FA for vent pieces and thoughts now, perhaps I will ramble again at a later date.
Category Artwork (Digital) / Doodle
Species Feline (Other)
Size 1039 x 1252px
File Size 673.1 kB
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