First, ensure that you are drinking only water. Water will not stain clothes and generally does not cause medical emergencies when exposed to skin.

Second, casually drink the glass down until you only have about 4 oz. of water (about half a cup) in the glass. This provides maximum wetness without endangering your upholstery.

Third, dump the water on your object of affection.

Fourth, patiently take their anger/surprise, then when they go into the bedroom to take off their clothes, follow them and push them onto the bed while naked.

Fifth, enjoy your rewards for following such an informative guide.

Until next time,

Jewel <3