Tonight on Wild Beyond the Witchlight, it's the Escargot Classic! Yes, we're talking about SNAIL RACING, the only late night sport that leaves a slime trail!

I'm your host Treat Twinkle, and this here is my cohost providing color commmentary, Gem Clink!

And a shoutout to tonight's sponsor, Keoghtom's Ointment - if you missed your healer's appointment, reach for Keoghtom's Ointment!

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Treat: Oh dear, it looks like one of the snails has caught a stitch! That's not good!
Gem: That's great, coz a stitch in time saves nine!
Treat: Well sure, Gem, but we only have 8 riders.
Gem: Well, I guess they're out of luck then.

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Treat: Well looks like someone threw a cabbage in to the course and one of the snails stopped to eat it. A rolling stone gathers no moss, and I guess, neither will that cabbage!
Gem: I gathered moss, once!
Treat: Oh, really?
Gem: You would NOT believe the arguments kobolds get into about how to sort it.

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Gem: Oh wow, Treat, looks like that snail really likes all the cheering!
Treat: Yes indeed, Gem, that's a bold move, and fortune favors the bold!
Gem: Kobold.
Treat: What?
Gem: Fortune favors the kobold. Why do you think we're always digging for gems?
Treat: OK, but I was talking about the race, buddy-

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Treat: Oh dear, it looks like that snail has lost its saddle, and its rider!
Gem: Someone must have pried it loose.
Treat: Oh? What makes you say that?
Gem: well people are always saying pried goes before the fall!
Treat: Oh, no, Gem, those are two different words, buddy!
Gem: Are you sure? Because they sure sound the same. Speaking common is weird.

Based on Saturday Night Live's ESPN Classic skits