Sometimes I have trouble controlling my thoughts and I turn to art to let them out. This thought's about how surviving is such a struggle for me because of my Asperger's. You know the principle survival of the fittest? Those who are born with favorable traits survive better in life, and those who don't die and don't reproduce. Overall, I'm happy that I have Asperger's. It has given me an intense interest for a lot of things in my world, especially art, math, and science. However, I can't just do whatever I want in life, focusing on my own interests. To live, I have to work and make money. In that case, my Asperger's is an unfavorable trait, because it interferes with my ability to survive. There's always an intense anxiety associated with jobs, because the way they're structured goes against my natural logic. Maybe had I lived in a society full of autistic people, this struggle wouldn't be a thing. But, what can I do? I just have to overcome everything I'm dealt with.

The meaning behind the darts is that everything survival-related I struggle with. Nothing comes naturally. Despite there being lots of things I'm good at, they're all abstract and useless. They don't make money, therefore not having any use to society. Sure, it doesn't mean I can't get a job. I do have one now. But this piece is to say I'm frustrated at how my Asperger's makes everything a unique challenge for me. I just wish that to survive, I can do something that suits my capabilities. But every time, I have to rise up and struggle to do things that are way beyond my capabilities, which causes so much anxiety. It's such a painful process being pushed by others to learn things that are miles beyond your natural abilities to fit in with a standard that's not yours. Don't get me wrong: I am thankful that I even have the ability to accomplish tasks way beyond what I born to do. But over the years, it gets hard, and it would be nice for once if something survival-related comes naturally to me.