Tzimmes Cracked Corn (And I Don’t Care)
A Spontoon Island story
© 2022 Walter Reimer
(Characters courtesy of M. Mitch Marmel, J.T. Urie and E.O. Costello. Thanks!)

Thumbnail art by  fluffball

34.



Rosie:

I’ve been in Saint Anthony’s before, and I didn’t burst into flames then. Reassuring, right?

Pierre smiled at me as the Old Traditional started up, and I whispered, “Showtime.”

And off we went down the aisle.

The Double Lotus gals were there, with a few crying and more than a few admiring what I was wearing. Mrs. Aparador had done a great job. The dress was satin, and just slightly off white, if you know what I mean. So that was the ‘something new,’ according to tradition. ‘Borrowed’ and ‘old’ were courtesy of Toni, who loaned me the veil she’d worn when she and Pete had gotten married.

The ‘something blue?’ I was wearing a blue scarf, with flowers on it, as a sash across my waist.

We started getting close to the altar, where Franneleh was standing alone, dressed in the gray silk suit I’d gotten for him in Tillamook. He had a quiet smile on his face, and I could tell he thoroughly approved with how I looked.

He looked gorgeous.

I got up beside him, and he mouthed You look beautiful.

I mouthed So do you as the music died away.

Father Merino, in full regalia, stepped up and made the cross. “En nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. My friends, we are gathered here today to witness the union of this man and this woman in holy matrimony.” He smiled at both of us before asking, “Who gives this woman in marriage?”

“I do,” Pierre said, and he smiled at Franklin before taking his seat on the front pew.

The service went off without a hitch, with Franneleh having a wry smile on his face when he said the line “with all my worldly goods I thee endow,” and I felt a real big lump in my throat halfway through the vows. There was a pause for me to force it down, and I soldiered on.

The rings were the companions of the engagement ring that he’d gotten for me, and mine fit perfectly. His took a moment to get past the knuckle.

And now, folks, the moment you’ve all been waiting for . . .

“You may kiss the bride.”

Franklin turned to face me, and very gently lifted the veil, and we kissed.

Yeah, not a dry eye in the house, I’m telling you.

Father Merino made the presentation and said, “There is another service, to be held in the garden. We can’t fit all of you,” and he grinned as a pronounced “Aw” arose from the Lotus girls, “but you’re invited to wait outside at the front of the church to welcome Inspector and Mrs. Stagg.”

“Mrs. Stagg.”

Hee!


***


Stagg:

I scarcely recall walking, arm in arm with my new bride, to the gardens at the rear of Saint Anthony’s.

All I could see was her smile.

The gardens had been meticulously trimmed, with a canopy erected and Rabbi Steinmink waiting for us underneath it. A small kit was trotting around to all of the mels, giving them yarmulkes, and I took one and paused to put it on.

“Franklin,” Rosie whispered.

“Hmm?”

“You’re wearing it backward.”

I took it off and noted that the yarmulke was stitched in a series of concentric rings. I cocked an eyebrow at her as she giggled, put it back on, and we walked over to the waiting rabbi.


***


Rosie:

Oh.

WOW.

I trusted Mrs. Steinmink to find enough people for a minyan, and brother did she come through.

Only two of them were from Rodent Shalom’s small congregation; there was one guy wearing a captain’s uniform, probably off one of the remaining ocean liners. The others, well, I don’t think she managed to talk all of the Jewish entertainers who’d been here for Speed Week into coming, but there were enough for the required ten.

Lord, there were a few I hadn’t seen since the last time I was in Nevele, and that was a long time ago.

Rabbi Steinmink did the service perfectly, although he did give me a disapproving look when I let my tail flirt against Franneleh as I walked around him. A few furs in the gardens giggled, though. Rodent Shalom’s cantor sang the prayers in a beautiful voice.

And the minyan said the seven benedictions perfectly, with no funny business.

There was a pause when the wine glass was brought forward, placed on the ground and draped with a snowy white napkin. Franneleh was supposed to smash it, but one hoof’s hurt and can’t really hold his weight.

My darling buck’s ears swiveled and then he said, “Rosie? May I lean on you?”

I came up close to him. “All my life.”

He smiled and lifted his cane, flipped it end-for-end, and drove the heavy silver head onto the glass.

It shattered really loudly, and several people yelled “Mazel tov!” as I kissed him.


***


Stagg:

We emerged into the afternoon sunlight at the front of Saint Anthony’s and paused in the doorway.

Arrayed to flank the stairs were four constables in formal white uniform, two sailors of the Naval Syndicate in their formal maroon and forest green, and two more constables in native dress. These two, wearing grass skirts and with their fur oiled and combed, raised conch shells and blew a loud note as the rest of the honor guard saluted.

There was a flash as one of Charles Crane’s photographers took a picture, and Rosie and I descended the stairs to cheers and applause. It was a far cry from the very quiet, private service Diana and I had had, but it was perfectly fine with me.

Once we had gotten past the honor guard, we stopped as a feline priestess, in a grass skirt and oiled fur, moved to block our path. The Wise One, the various necklaces and amulets clicking together as she moved, waved Sergeant Brush forward and began to speak. “She says she’s offering blessings from the Gods for you and your wife, Sir, asking for long life, happiness and many children.” Rosie smiled at that, and those in the bridal party who knew she was pregnant cheered.

“Please thank her for me, - “ and I stopped as she pointed a finger in my face, the claw not an inch from my nose.

Her tone changed, becoming harsh and peremptory, and Sergeant Brush’s ears went down as he translated, “And she warns you to be safe, and to never give her cause for sorrow, Sir.”

“Tell her that I will do the very best I can,” and she scowled at the sergeant’s translation. Sergeant Brush flinched and only started to relax after she’d walked away.

“I say, that was rather abrupt, wasn’t it?” Reggie said as he and Willow came forward. Willow hugged me before hugging Rosie, and Reggie and I shook paws. “Congratulations, Sir.”

“Thank you, Reggie.”

More people started coming forward to offer their best wishes, but after a few minutes of this Mrs. du Cleds whistled for attention. “All right, everybody! We’ve got rickshas set up for the bridal party to get to the water taxis, so we need to get out of the hot sun, okeh?”

“But – wait a minute,” Rosie said. “We were having the reception at Luchow’s.”

Mrs. du Cleds replied, “Nix. Nick said to have us all meet up at Shepherd’s for the reception.”

Rose looked rather stunned at this, and Reggie and Willow looked a little concerned. Still, the crowd parted for us as we were escorted to the lead of a set of rickshas. Normally, I never use one, but this wasn’t a normal occasion.

And with my wife’s paw in mine, nothing would be the same again.



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