Figuring yourself out can be a confusing thing, feelings being as complicated as they are.

I'd known I'm asexual for years now, that was one of the 'easier' ones to figure out, but I was never quite sure where I lied on the romantic attraction spectrum. Growing up in an amatonormative society where it's assumed everyone experiences romantic attraction and wants a romantic relationship, I unconsciously forced myself into that mold. A while ago, I very slowly started getting to grips with my romantic attraction to people was, let's just say, not 'to the norm'. In order to not have to worry about it much further, I adopted the label 'grey-romantic' for a while. Calling myself aromantic just felt so final, yanno, it scared me even further into denial, pretty much.

Over time, I've had some great conversations with some of my closest friends about the things I feel and what I don't feel, and I've done a great amount of reflecting upon past 'crushes'. In reality, I just get super excited about the lovely people I meet, and I can get very strongly attached to the people I'm close to - which I rationalised into being 'romantic attraction'. I do crave that 'human connection', just not in a romantic way. I've done a lot of reading into queer platonic relationships, and that does sound great, though I'm not sure what exactly I'd want ahaha. For now I'm content with my own company.

JaidenAnimations' video wasn't exactly my aro awakening, as it's not that I don't understand romantic stuff, it's just.. not for me, if that makes sense. Funnily enough, that was even one of the reasons I was so confused for a long time - I frickin' love romance in media and whatnot. 'Surely that means I can't be aro!' Ahh well, life's confusing. Note that I don't blame ~society~ for being amatonormative, I v much understand why it's that way - though it'd be great if there'd be less of it :P

Though it was a struggle at first and something that caused me much distress to figure out, I'm now very comfortable with my identity, it kind of feels like a weight's been lifted off of my shoulders now I no longer feel the need to force myself to feel attracted to people <3 I'm gonna be just fine bein' me.

Remember you're never too old to truly get to know yourself <3