I'm not really sure where to begin here. I'll just start by saying that prolonged isolation is a force that will torment you as a result of being outcasted by society. Even when online, I look at my messages and most have been read by the receiver.; but no response. If one of them do eventually get back, their alibi is always something like "I was just very busy, it's not you." It would have been easy to believe if it was from a single individual. But it gets really problematic when it's multiple people at once. Which at this point, their excuses no longer become believable. It dawns upon me that the problem likely lies within myself. What am I doing wrong? Is my existence just not worth their time? Am I too different to be accepted by them? Nobody bothers to admit anything, which makes me suspect that they are hiding the truth that may impact me in a negative way. It's as if they expect me to solve the riddle about my own flaws.

Isolation aside, things only get worse when coupled with a redundant life because of college. College is a real piece of shit. It essentially takes away my freedom to explore the world outside my home and to find those who genuinely care about me in person. I only interact those at the university strictly for work purposes, nothing more. We don't have anymore time to dwell around. I also won't fall these stereotypical "college parties" shit since I could do much more productive things and I certainly won't get along with anybody since there are better people aside from myself.

This brings me to my next point. I do not have much to offer in terms of contribution to society, or spark interest to anybody else. So far, I could only write and play the piano; but anybody else could do the same with some effort. And I'm not that good at both of them anyways even though I have been practicing them for decades. What is my purpose then to exist when I'm more like a parasite than anything else? My disabilities prove that since I have been recognized to be sick in the head enough that I receive SSDI funding, humiliating isn't it? And more importantly, why would anyone else bother interacting with someone mentally ill when there are other's far more superior than me. I'm simply not worthy at this time, maybe I'll never be good enough for anybody else; ever. I don't know how much longer I can live like this as a result.

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Piece drawn by  SapphireDragon7, who is one of the very few that sort of(?) cares about me.