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Artwork (Digital) / Hypnosis
Species Goat
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Where was this place? Was this a place? So few things made sense here. The rush of the pounding sea was heard, felt and even smelled, but there was no water. The dazzling strands and swirls of light danced around him, but they had no apparent source. The words, those words that had become his whole existence pressed in around him from all sides, from inside as well! The omnipresent words had saturated him and filled him to bursting.
The words felt so good and right. They were the only thing that meant anything within this overwhelming storm of sensation. Yet the words, too, had no apparent source. They weren't being said or heard, they were just there, like they were a part of him. A new word now, one that shook the strange, boundless space he floated in. The imperious voice came, a whisper, yet seeming to come from everywhere and clearly audible over the cacophony.
"Again."
Tuna felt a pressure ease. He felt like something good and right was happening as the words tumbled from his numb and sluggish lips.
My work is worthy
My skill is worthy
I am worthy
I deserve to be compensated for my talent and effort
I will raise my commission prices
Good and right. The words were so true and made so much sense. He did good things, and should receive good things for doing them. Doing good was rewarded. He wanted to keep doing good and being rewarded. He couldn't make all the connections in this blissfully addled state, but he felt this truth warming him from the inside. Yet he was still so overwhelmed, all of his senses buried at once. The voice, the hands, the eyes, were they his? They were so intimately familiar to him and yet so exotic and ethereal. He couldn't manage to think any more on it. The pressure was building once more. Something inside desperate to get out. He needed to-
"Again."
The words came out so naturally. Like breathing, like a heartbeat, like a crashing wave, inexorable repeating cycles of sound that were so fundamental to nature, a part of existence. The words were like that. A sound that came again and again, that had to happen again and again for life to go on. It was so good and right for the sounds to happen.
"Again."
He felt an assault of cloying bliss as he spoke the good and right words yet again. He felt like he should stammer. Like the words should slur and smear with his heavy and bleary mental state, but the words always came out perfect, always right, the words were so good and right. He was so full of these good and right words, like they were multiplying inside him. It was like he would burst if he didn't-
"Again."
Tuna's slackened form gave a shiver as he spoke the good and right words. They were becoming part of him, feeling so good and right as he let the words meld into his inner world at the deepest level. His whole being was on fire with electric sensation, and yet he stayed in this slow daze throughout. So many strange contradictions about this place. He had to figure out where this was, what was going on here. He had to do something! He had... to... let out the words-
"Again."
Wow. Just wow. This has been probably the most emotionally resonant piece I've ever gotten. For something that started as like a kinda-joke-but-also-actually, this one really went places! Vyl is well known for his efforts to get artists to charge what they're worth, as there are so many that are reluctant to do so. I think this is a noble and worthy ambition, and I hoped to express that in what ways I could. Tuna is a frequent target of both Vyl's commission dollars, and Vyl's insistence that Tuna should get more commission dollars from everyone. Vyl of course, is not one to stand for someone refusing to be convinced. And with a tough nut to crack? Well that just gives him an excuse to really let loose everything he's got. Those who refuse to think the best of themselves will be offered no alternative.
This concept came from a pretty deep place for me. Vyl has previously tried to get me to say nice things about myself while I was under hypnosis, and in those attempts I had absolute, inconsolable scream-crying breakdowns. Something very fundamental about me deeply and violently resisted the process of saying nice things about myself when I was in a vulnerable and intimate setting. When I was forced to actually sit with and accept the truth of what I was saying, rather than process it through a layer of ironic detachment. I had to think about that a lot, for a long time. Clearly that was some symptom of a very deep inadequacy and self-loathing. Years and many sessions of therapy later, I no longer react that way when I have to truly, honestly admit nice things about myself. I don't know whether the needle has been moved on the deeper problem, but I think that's a good sign.
I worried many times, about the imposition of foisting this same torture onto the entirely blameless Tuna, who did nothing to deserve the kind of ordeal this treatment puts me through. He was very responsive to it though, and really connected with the theme I think. The piece that resulted from this isn't anything like what I envisioned, in the best possible way. Even early on, Tuna seemed very taken with the idea, absolutely buzzing with inspiration. Apparently he found that the opportunity to do such a self-indulgent piece very freeing and inspiring. A lot of the visual flair here is all Tuna. In keeping with the theme of the piece, I paid him double what he asked, no backsies. He seems to have applied that extra juice liberally to the VFX budget because just look at this thing. There is SO much going on here. It's all so beautiful and vibrant and complex. There are Easter eggs if you look closely! I would never have dared to ask, nor even dream of something with this much heart, soul and diligent craftsmanship.
I often have very particular things that I want out of a commission. I don't comm often and when I do it's because I have a very clear idea of what I want. Seeing how this one went though, the wonderful directions that Tuna went with it when I let the idea run away with him, it makes me think that I should ease up on the reins a bit and see what I can get from offering more freedom. Hopefully I can capture this magic again in some future piece. And I have some good news for those of you who would like some of your own. I'm happy to inform you that this magic is now on sale!
For the right price.
Art and goat by Goatuna
Mysterious mesmerizing wedge:
drazin
The words felt so good and right. They were the only thing that meant anything within this overwhelming storm of sensation. Yet the words, too, had no apparent source. They weren't being said or heard, they were just there, like they were a part of him. A new word now, one that shook the strange, boundless space he floated in. The imperious voice came, a whisper, yet seeming to come from everywhere and clearly audible over the cacophony.
"Again."
Tuna felt a pressure ease. He felt like something good and right was happening as the words tumbled from his numb and sluggish lips.
My work is worthy
My skill is worthy
I am worthy
I deserve to be compensated for my talent and effort
I will raise my commission prices
Good and right. The words were so true and made so much sense. He did good things, and should receive good things for doing them. Doing good was rewarded. He wanted to keep doing good and being rewarded. He couldn't make all the connections in this blissfully addled state, but he felt this truth warming him from the inside. Yet he was still so overwhelmed, all of his senses buried at once. The voice, the hands, the eyes, were they his? They were so intimately familiar to him and yet so exotic and ethereal. He couldn't manage to think any more on it. The pressure was building once more. Something inside desperate to get out. He needed to-
"Again."
The words came out so naturally. Like breathing, like a heartbeat, like a crashing wave, inexorable repeating cycles of sound that were so fundamental to nature, a part of existence. The words were like that. A sound that came again and again, that had to happen again and again for life to go on. It was so good and right for the sounds to happen.
"Again."
He felt an assault of cloying bliss as he spoke the good and right words yet again. He felt like he should stammer. Like the words should slur and smear with his heavy and bleary mental state, but the words always came out perfect, always right, the words were so good and right. He was so full of these good and right words, like they were multiplying inside him. It was like he would burst if he didn't-
"Again."
Tuna's slackened form gave a shiver as he spoke the good and right words. They were becoming part of him, feeling so good and right as he let the words meld into his inner world at the deepest level. His whole being was on fire with electric sensation, and yet he stayed in this slow daze throughout. So many strange contradictions about this place. He had to figure out where this was, what was going on here. He had to do something! He had... to... let out the words-
"Again."
Wow. Just wow. This has been probably the most emotionally resonant piece I've ever gotten. For something that started as like a kinda-joke-but-also-actually, this one really went places! Vyl is well known for his efforts to get artists to charge what they're worth, as there are so many that are reluctant to do so. I think this is a noble and worthy ambition, and I hoped to express that in what ways I could. Tuna is a frequent target of both Vyl's commission dollars, and Vyl's insistence that Tuna should get more commission dollars from everyone. Vyl of course, is not one to stand for someone refusing to be convinced. And with a tough nut to crack? Well that just gives him an excuse to really let loose everything he's got. Those who refuse to think the best of themselves will be offered no alternative.
This concept came from a pretty deep place for me. Vyl has previously tried to get me to say nice things about myself while I was under hypnosis, and in those attempts I had absolute, inconsolable scream-crying breakdowns. Something very fundamental about me deeply and violently resisted the process of saying nice things about myself when I was in a vulnerable and intimate setting. When I was forced to actually sit with and accept the truth of what I was saying, rather than process it through a layer of ironic detachment. I had to think about that a lot, for a long time. Clearly that was some symptom of a very deep inadequacy and self-loathing. Years and many sessions of therapy later, I no longer react that way when I have to truly, honestly admit nice things about myself. I don't know whether the needle has been moved on the deeper problem, but I think that's a good sign.
I worried many times, about the imposition of foisting this same torture onto the entirely blameless Tuna, who did nothing to deserve the kind of ordeal this treatment puts me through. He was very responsive to it though, and really connected with the theme I think. The piece that resulted from this isn't anything like what I envisioned, in the best possible way. Even early on, Tuna seemed very taken with the idea, absolutely buzzing with inspiration. Apparently he found that the opportunity to do such a self-indulgent piece very freeing and inspiring. A lot of the visual flair here is all Tuna. In keeping with the theme of the piece, I paid him double what he asked, no backsies. He seems to have applied that extra juice liberally to the VFX budget because just look at this thing. There is SO much going on here. It's all so beautiful and vibrant and complex. There are Easter eggs if you look closely! I would never have dared to ask, nor even dream of something with this much heart, soul and diligent craftsmanship.
I often have very particular things that I want out of a commission. I don't comm often and when I do it's because I have a very clear idea of what I want. Seeing how this one went though, the wonderful directions that Tuna went with it when I let the idea run away with him, it makes me think that I should ease up on the reins a bit and see what I can get from offering more freedom. Hopefully I can capture this magic again in some future piece. And I have some good news for those of you who would like some of your own. I'm happy to inform you that this magic is now on sale!
For the right price.
Art and goat by Goatuna
Mysterious mesmerizing wedge:
drazin
Category Artwork (Digital) / Hypnosis
Species Goat
Size 960 x 1280px
File Size 446.5 kB
Listed in Folders
Perfectionism for me. Being the gifted kid made everything "straight A's or you're a failure". Always getting pushed to be the best definitely tends to engender a feeling that you're never good enough. I still do struggle with that. Always giving up on stuff if I'm not immediately good at it, never enjoying the pursuit, only the result. It's difficult for me and I've still got a lot of work to do.
Think I had some of that too, possibly as a reaction to the verbal abuse. Either that or a result of it, like if I wasn't being perfect, then that proved them right somehow. Even though I mostly got Straight A's in school. Wish my parents had done something about it instead of treating me like I was disabled.
It was a long journey for me, and unfortunately it seems like the solution was to just power through it. To keep doing those things that felt so scary and painful until I got used to them, until I realized that it felt good to compliment myself. I hope that you too can walk that path.
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