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I have a morbid fascination with raw, unchecked emotion--specifically negative ones--and how chaotic and uncontrollably they can impose upon the host. These emotions manifest in ugly ways and they cause their host pain and suffering, sometimes through harming themselves; sometimes through harming others.
These "inner-demons," as I like to call them, have an amazing way of taking otherwise rationally-thinking individuals and turning them into a maelstrom of hate and anger unless they are kept in-check by their host. I like to think that I've mastered mine. I've given it purpose and learned to channel its purest form into positive energy. I wrestled with it for a time and learned its ways, championed it, and I now fully control it.
I put my pencil to paper one day, intent on drawing a physical form for my demon. Without even applying any conscious thought or effort to influence its shape, this is what I drew. This is my demon. This is my own anger and madness embodied. This is possibly the most sensitive and personal picture I will ever draw for myself.
May all of you enjoy this heartfelt piece of artwork. I know I enjoyed creating it.
Additional Notes
zarathus sent a note my way because she was interested enough in this depiction of my demon that she deduced her own interpretation of what all this imagery means. At that point, it was brought to my attention that even I didn't put any actual thought into what each individual detail means to me; I just drew it purely without attempting to influence its shape and allowed the creativity flow. Now that it's finished though, I can pick it apart for myself and figure it out so I can explain it in better detail to you all.
For starters: Zarathus' interpretation was so accurate towards that of my own that it was somewhat eerie. Add that to the fact that we've never actually had conversation with each other up until this point and for her to so accurately explain my own surrealism work to me was somewhat humbling at how well I managed to draw what I felt.
I will attempt at paraphrasing so as to fit my own details in to better explain it.
The serpent is the "sleeping" form of my demon, the calm, sentient face of my fury which hides within itself a far more twisted, ugly wrath... able to hide it all away by simply closing its mouth. The metaphor of this horror residing in the serpent's maw is the fact that every creature needs to open its mouth to feed and nourish itself... that is no different for this abomination. No matter how calm and intelligent the serpent may seem to be on the outside, every being needs to feed, and when that time comes, this creature must once again open its jaws...
I think of the serpent as an imposing guise for what lies beneath. It doesn't hide the sickness within it under a false mask of more positive, happy images; rather, it guards others from stumbling upon the horror with an evil, ominous exterior. The symbol that is its pupil represents the division between logic and unchecked-emotion.
The innards themselves consist of a mass of mutating, chaotic flesh, outwardly displaying raw and somewhat intermingled emotions. These are the shunned emotions trying to escape and run rampant. They are the ones that need to be controlled, not smothered. To lock them away inside the mouth would allow the infection to fester and eventually kill the host. Instead, I let them out and expose them to the air, allowing them to breathe rather than suffocate and pain me in their throes.
Maggots seem to thrive here, feeding on what is left once this creature has had its fill--everything that is cast aside to decay as it is forgotten. Spiders are often associated with evil and wretchedness, as well as more literally expert trappers and killers by nature.
The main face protruding from the serpent's mouth I see as if it were my own face, transformed and soulless, hidden in the mouth of the serpent to fester among the memories of grudges and the victims that my demon has claimed. The empty head reveals the complete lack of thinking or ability to process logic and weigh consequence, and the third eye represents a tendency to over-analyze, or the need for additional sight because of the inherent blindness that comes with being in a state of pure madness.
That's the best I've got for now. I may update this as I notice more that can be described.
-Steve
These "inner-demons," as I like to call them, have an amazing way of taking otherwise rationally-thinking individuals and turning them into a maelstrom of hate and anger unless they are kept in-check by their host. I like to think that I've mastered mine. I've given it purpose and learned to channel its purest form into positive energy. I wrestled with it for a time and learned its ways, championed it, and I now fully control it.
I put my pencil to paper one day, intent on drawing a physical form for my demon. Without even applying any conscious thought or effort to influence its shape, this is what I drew. This is my demon. This is my own anger and madness embodied. This is possibly the most sensitive and personal picture I will ever draw for myself.
May all of you enjoy this heartfelt piece of artwork. I know I enjoyed creating it.
Additional Notes
zarathus sent a note my way because she was interested enough in this depiction of my demon that she deduced her own interpretation of what all this imagery means. At that point, it was brought to my attention that even I didn't put any actual thought into what each individual detail means to me; I just drew it purely without attempting to influence its shape and allowed the creativity flow. Now that it's finished though, I can pick it apart for myself and figure it out so I can explain it in better detail to you all.For starters: Zarathus' interpretation was so accurate towards that of my own that it was somewhat eerie. Add that to the fact that we've never actually had conversation with each other up until this point and for her to so accurately explain my own surrealism work to me was somewhat humbling at how well I managed to draw what I felt.
I will attempt at paraphrasing so as to fit my own details in to better explain it.
The serpent is the "sleeping" form of my demon, the calm, sentient face of my fury which hides within itself a far more twisted, ugly wrath... able to hide it all away by simply closing its mouth. The metaphor of this horror residing in the serpent's maw is the fact that every creature needs to open its mouth to feed and nourish itself... that is no different for this abomination. No matter how calm and intelligent the serpent may seem to be on the outside, every being needs to feed, and when that time comes, this creature must once again open its jaws...
I think of the serpent as an imposing guise for what lies beneath. It doesn't hide the sickness within it under a false mask of more positive, happy images; rather, it guards others from stumbling upon the horror with an evil, ominous exterior. The symbol that is its pupil represents the division between logic and unchecked-emotion.
The innards themselves consist of a mass of mutating, chaotic flesh, outwardly displaying raw and somewhat intermingled emotions. These are the shunned emotions trying to escape and run rampant. They are the ones that need to be controlled, not smothered. To lock them away inside the mouth would allow the infection to fester and eventually kill the host. Instead, I let them out and expose them to the air, allowing them to breathe rather than suffocate and pain me in their throes.
Maggots seem to thrive here, feeding on what is left once this creature has had its fill--everything that is cast aside to decay as it is forgotten. Spiders are often associated with evil and wretchedness, as well as more literally expert trappers and killers by nature.
The main face protruding from the serpent's mouth I see as if it were my own face, transformed and soulless, hidden in the mouth of the serpent to fester among the memories of grudges and the victims that my demon has claimed. The empty head reveals the complete lack of thinking or ability to process logic and weigh consequence, and the third eye represents a tendency to over-analyze, or the need for additional sight because of the inherent blindness that comes with being in a state of pure madness.
That's the best I've got for now. I may update this as I notice more that can be described.
-Steve
Category Artwork (Digital) / Abstract
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 916 x 1280px
File Size 549.5 kB
You were not kidding when you said you would do each scale individually. The work definitely paid off.
I suspect that you have purposefully left the name of the emotion that you channeled into making this piece unnamed. Probably because they're all here in some form or another.
Good work, Neox.
I suspect that you have purposefully left the name of the emotion that you channeled into making this piece unnamed. Probably because they're all here in some form or another.
Good work, Neox.
I wonder why nobody has yet commented on the connection between this and State of Transition. As stated in the other pic, I, like others, am left to only speculate. However, with the emergence of this pic it helps complete a bigger picture. To add to that, you've also posted a journal about this pic which describes even more. :P It would thus make sense to comment on all three as a whole.
I'm not sure to what extent I understand this, but you put alot of focus on what negative emotions are and where they fit into your life. Here you speak of rage and how you've come to control it. You appear to be opening up at the same time, often hinting at a darker side of things, of when the rage is beyond rational control, that many may not have seen in you. Perhaps a past when this control was not there?
I had issues with rage for a long time myself, and to much smaller extent I still do. Because I have semantical thought-backing(words and reasons why I get angry) I find it very hard to calm it down without the proper medicine, which is focused, organized action at the cause of my woes. For a very long time in my life I didn't have the discipline and organization to do this, so rage would have mostly physical manifestations, yet at the end still not feel satisfied. I can't help but wonder if you too were at such a point. :P
I've tried to make sense of the demon you've portrayed, the maggots, bleeding and spider-like fang protrusions would hint more at depravity while the spiders I'd take as a hint of fear? Fear can be a reason behind anger... The two faces ellude me, but the picture as a whole is like viewing the demon as a whole... you can get lost in the details, the disgust, the fear, thoughts and everything that makes rage as complex as it is, or you can back away and see it in its entirety - one hungry entity that manifests through all these things, and it wants YOU.
There's very few people I leave comments this long on their art. It's not only that your stuff is laden with symbolysm, but a number of things in it also feel familliar... if you had the hours and effort to draw something this complex and put it up for the world to see, then the least I can do is give it a proper fuckin review. =\
I'm not sure to what extent I understand this, but you put alot of focus on what negative emotions are and where they fit into your life. Here you speak of rage and how you've come to control it. You appear to be opening up at the same time, often hinting at a darker side of things, of when the rage is beyond rational control, that many may not have seen in you. Perhaps a past when this control was not there?
I had issues with rage for a long time myself, and to much smaller extent I still do. Because I have semantical thought-backing(words and reasons why I get angry) I find it very hard to calm it down without the proper medicine, which is focused, organized action at the cause of my woes. For a very long time in my life I didn't have the discipline and organization to do this, so rage would have mostly physical manifestations, yet at the end still not feel satisfied. I can't help but wonder if you too were at such a point. :P
I've tried to make sense of the demon you've portrayed, the maggots, bleeding and spider-like fang protrusions would hint more at depravity while the spiders I'd take as a hint of fear? Fear can be a reason behind anger... The two faces ellude me, but the picture as a whole is like viewing the demon as a whole... you can get lost in the details, the disgust, the fear, thoughts and everything that makes rage as complex as it is, or you can back away and see it in its entirety - one hungry entity that manifests through all these things, and it wants YOU.
There's very few people I leave comments this long on their art. It's not only that your stuff is laden with symbolysm, but a number of things in it also feel familliar... if you had the hours and effort to draw something this complex and put it up for the world to see, then the least I can do is give it a proper fuckin review. =\
I updated the description with more information regarding the picture's meaning, rather than double-type it here. =P
I wonder why nobody has yet commented on the connection between this and State of Transition.
There have been a few, mostly people on my IMs who I talk to on a regular basis. Don't forget that 90% of the people who watch me only do because I have dick in my gallery.
For a very long time in my life I didn't have the discipline and organization to do this, so rage would have mostly physical manifestations, yet at the end still not feel satisfied. I can't help but wonder if you too were at such a point.
Seeing as much of the time before my most recent years of self-discovery was the hormone-ridden adolescent me, I don't actually associate the angsty frustration of my teenage years with true rage and emotion as I am mentioning with regards to this picture. True, those feelings WERE indeed legitimate feelings back in those days; but they are so meaningless in retrospect, especially when compared to the matter at hand.
I've tried to make sense of the demon you've portrayed, the maggots, bleeding and spider-like fang protrusions would hint more at depravity while the spiders I'd take as a hint of fear? Fear can be a reason behind anger...
I don't experience fear as an emotion. Of course I experience a degree of fear as a reaction, but I do not have a single ounce of predetermined fear that I can think of. I don't fear spiders. I don't like them either. Seeing one across the room from me won't freak me out, nor will I have any inclination to stop what I'm doing and kill it. If one is running up my leg, I'll usually flatten it or flick it off my knee as a reaction to something crawling on me unexpectedly.
I wonder why nobody has yet commented on the connection between this and State of Transition.
There have been a few, mostly people on my IMs who I talk to on a regular basis. Don't forget that 90% of the people who watch me only do because I have dick in my gallery.
For a very long time in my life I didn't have the discipline and organization to do this, so rage would have mostly physical manifestations, yet at the end still not feel satisfied. I can't help but wonder if you too were at such a point.
Seeing as much of the time before my most recent years of self-discovery was the hormone-ridden adolescent me, I don't actually associate the angsty frustration of my teenage years with true rage and emotion as I am mentioning with regards to this picture. True, those feelings WERE indeed legitimate feelings back in those days; but they are so meaningless in retrospect, especially when compared to the matter at hand.
I've tried to make sense of the demon you've portrayed, the maggots, bleeding and spider-like fang protrusions would hint more at depravity while the spiders I'd take as a hint of fear? Fear can be a reason behind anger...
I don't experience fear as an emotion. Of course I experience a degree of fear as a reaction, but I do not have a single ounce of predetermined fear that I can think of. I don't fear spiders. I don't like them either. Seeing one across the room from me won't freak me out, nor will I have any inclination to stop what I'm doing and kill it. If one is running up my leg, I'll usually flatten it or flick it off my knee as a reaction to something crawling on me unexpectedly.
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