Briefly: a girl from Russia is crying here. Not about politics, but purely about life that began before the war.
Why is there no focus on this important topic here? Why should it be? I will not tell anything interesting and unique.
If you are not reading the posts before, I am in a white blue white position. Enough.
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I tried to shorten it. but it seems to be less clear. I am using a translator.

Life is "in debt" from my father and my attempts to "help" him (so that it does not increase. To the detriment of myself), expecting that the conversation "I go to work, and you at home * do not grow a debt hole (because my travel to work costs 5-3 times cheaper)" will benefit. Ruined me. Because it didn't happen.

I missed deadlines when I was at a night job. I lost my job and went back to my drawing pace. And then I gave help from relatives to this black hole of debt rubbish (instead of going to work. Because I was afraid of the hole getting bigger). And my father, having already received his money(pension), spent it where he wanted and was left without anything. And again increases the debt hole. Thank you.


I missed deadlines in October. And here is November.
I struggle desperately between procrastination, crying, anger to finish the commissions for the client (and I'm also afraid to show that I've already finished him until I finish everything. Stupid).
On the day when I wanted to show what is (ready and not ready),
It turned out that a drunken sister was brought to me, she was aggressive. Add to the psychological cause of depression, a physical surge from fear and stress.
I felt a little better after being away from home in a safe environment.
I don't see solutions in perspective. I see that it will drown me if I remain in the "helping" to this void position.

And here I am just a ghost piece

I will sleep, wake up and move on. with what is. to get better.
Because awareness is life. I value. therefore, unlike my mother, I do not have suicidal episodes. Although I'm sure my penchant for certain moods is part of the legacy.
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Meme "live to survive Putin" ahpaha.
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I'm not ashamed to share. No matter how much pain there is in the world every moment. sometimes you have to cry your pain. Sometimes show to make it clear who you are. Pain is part of you.


I figured this would make me feel better. Let's see how long.