Jim and his team return to the ruins, where they make an even more shocking discovery--one that changes the urgency of their investigation entirely.
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Onward with the plot! This chapter could use a rewrite just to be more future-imaginative than it is in its current form; it looks almost like I'm not sure if cell phones are all that common in the future, and I evidently had not heard of google maps. Meh. Not to mention Dave's character is already inconsistent; I paint him as at least mostly conservationist later on, but he has all this super-nice hunting equipment. It doesn't quite add up.
The other thing that needs changing? The journal. I needed to make it about 85% illegible, even after restoration, to avoid that obviously-dulled reaction to reported dragon intelligence that's a prelude to the Major Plot Hole that forced me to scrap this story in the first place. "That will make things more interesting"? Really? Blah, it just looks so forced and clumsy. And it's not even half as bad as the plot hole we'll have later on!
Anyway, now that I've pointed out some of the things that are wrong with it, I hope you enjoy(ed). :P
Comments and critique greatly appreciated.
First | Previous | Next
Onward with the plot! This chapter could use a rewrite just to be more future-imaginative than it is in its current form; it looks almost like I'm not sure if cell phones are all that common in the future, and I evidently had not heard of google maps. Meh. Not to mention Dave's character is already inconsistent; I paint him as at least mostly conservationist later on, but he has all this super-nice hunting equipment. It doesn't quite add up.
The other thing that needs changing? The journal. I needed to make it about 85% illegible, even after restoration, to avoid that obviously-dulled reaction to reported dragon intelligence that's a prelude to the Major Plot Hole that forced me to scrap this story in the first place. "That will make things more interesting"? Really? Blah, it just looks so forced and clumsy. And it's not even half as bad as the plot hole we'll have later on!
Anyway, now that I've pointed out some of the things that are wrong with it, I hope you enjoy(ed). :P
Comments and critique greatly appreciated.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 23.9 kB
Listed in Folders
I am vaguely reminded - in a good way - of an old Sky mockumentary that focussed on the idea of Dragons having evolved in the cretaceous or something and survived to the present day. I don't remember the name because I was too busy being impressed by the dragon renders and so on (They actually had a half plausible explanation for the flying and the flame, as Platinum catalyzes the burning of hydrogen while hydrogen not yet flamed provides aerial buoyancy. Great piece of work, that.)
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