You are Chris again.
Shortly after saying bye to everyone and leaving the box, Nikita, Muscle Mon, Edgar, El Toro, Peters, and you, set out for some area Adam and Maria trained in. Adam Leads you to this old and burnt down town outside Mosul. There you see a bunch of low level Pokémon, non anthro ones. You get this sense that they’re low level, even though you can’t see any indication of it.
“So this is the place?” El Toro says
“Yeah.” Adam replies “Maria found this place when we were trying to find an anti-terrorist escape route. She was kicking these little turtle dudes like soccer balls. Looked like Mario.”
“They die?” You ask
“No. Seems that nothing around here can die but humans and you guys.”
“Lame. Anyways. How do we do our moves?” Muscle Mon says
“Maria says there’s like some… deep… feeling, or something like that. Like just a thing inside you that you just open up and use.”
“Yeah, can confirm that.” You reply “I used nightslash on accident, I just felt like… powerless, and then just felt a ton of power.”
“Maria said something different. But she just had kicks and stuff like that. But- ooh, so we talked to Ben again before he headed off to Baghdad, and he said, that Allstar says, that perish song just happens whenever you sing, but with hate in your soul. Like you can sing a lullaby, but think angry thoughts and it’ll turn lethal.”

“Huh. That’s… that’s like surprisingly simple. So it doesn’t matter the lyrics or song?”
“No, cause Ben said it worked with Buddy Holly, free bird, and Guilotine. I only know what two of those are.”
“Guilotine is 100% what a perish song should sound like.” Muscle mon says
“Who sings free bird without a guitar?” Nikita asks “cause I know that seal can’t play with those flippers.”
“What kind of a Virgin decides to use weezer for a borderline superpower.” El toro asks
“Weezer sounds exactly like something that would kill you slowly, bro.” Muscle Mon says
“Gotta agree with that.” Nikita answers
“What the fuck are y’all talking about?” Peters asks
“Shit talking music?”
“What’s wrong with weezer?” You ask
“What isn’t?” El toro replies
“Can you guys like not have a music debate, thank you? I expect this music elitism from Rick. This is just disappointing from you guys.” Adam says
“Ever Heard of Huey Lewis and the news?” El toro says in a yuppie accent
“Rick probably listens to some shit like 100 gecs.” Nikita says
“Oh no bro.” Muscle Mon ads

“Honestly I’ve kind of began to like Rick.” You say
“If you become a white supremacist, I’m using you as cannon fodder.” Adam says tiredly
“Bro, i get you like don’t have a lot of friends, but that’s kinda not a good start.” Muscle Mon says
“Hear me out.” You reply “he is an asshole, he is a narcissist, he’s a borderline sociopath-“
“Borderline is not the right word there.” Nikita adds
“What is?”
“Full scale.”
“Really?”
“I have a degree in psychology. I can determine with good certainty that he is in fact a sociopath. If you listen to him, he tells you every symptom. The only thing unsociopath like is that he’s honest with it.”
“And that means?”
“He’s being nice because he thinks it will get him something. The something depends.”
“And what if he wants to just make friends?”
“He cannot feel or give platonic love. He’s incapable of doing it. At best you will look like a high priority on a list of things to him, and that’s it. He actually cannot see you as a friend, because the concept of such is beyond him. He can be a friend, sort of, but he can’t have one.”
“Dang bro, now I feel kind of bad.” Muscle Mon says
“Don’t. He’s a real asshole, and an open one too. And possibly a serial killer, which y’all should be worried about.”
“So, what does he want from me?” You ask
“Depends. He may want an alliance, a safe guard for himself, someone who thinks like him, to fix something, shit, maybe even a threesome. Just ask, he’s open enough to probably say it blatantly.”

“So I’m just being used?” You say, annoyed
“Sort of. I can’t say for certain what he’s thinking, haven’t talked enough with him. But like, it’s not that he doesn’t value your company, personality, etc, he just can’t feel complex emotions.”
“Hm?”
“If he could have platonic love, I’m not saying he wouldn’t have it with you, he’s just like… it’s like asking a blind guy if you’re ugly.”
“Hm. That makes sense, I guess?”
“Yeah. Just don’t think about it too much. Just like- he’s a good actor, he fakes his emotions, but that doesn’t mean he’s not… ok. He may think he should feel happy about something, so he’ll act like he thinks he should feel.”
“Ok. That makes sense.”
“So, whatever, let’s kill shit.” Nikita says and then points at a sandile “Queen, use night slash.” She says, and you prepare to do so. You feel the hate and power build inside you, then let out the blades of black-purple energy. You hit the poor dude from about six feet away and also cut the tree, about ten feet behind him, into fourths. The group claps, and you do an over exaggerated bow. Edgar is stunned.
“What kind of witchcraft is this?” Edgar says
“Pokémon moves. You have four of them.” Nikita says
“Try perish song next.” Adam says, and then looks around “where’s something that’s not gonna do much?”
“Green croissant” Nikita says, pointing at a metapod in a tree.
“Alright. I can do this. Just gotta sing right?” You say, psyching yourself up
“Sing something you know well. Ben said if you fuck up the song, you fuck up the move.” Adam says

“Ok.” You say, deciding what to sing. You decide it will be one of your favorites, Without Me, by Eminem. You walk far enough away from the group and begin the song. You finish, pouring much of your emotions into it. You make sure no one else can hear it, unsure of if you’ll effect them or not. You finish and then sort of stare at the pod. It uses harden, you stare a bit more, then try to feel something else inside you. You try really focusing in on your hatred, then can feel it begin to form. You release the energy, pointing it in a different direction and blow up a rock that’s a bit away, with a giant ball of purple energy. Fired out of your hands. You stand there for a second, then look back at the metapod, who you see uses harden again. You then put your hands together, and cast shadow ball in the same direction, this time trying to copy a haduken, from street fighter. It works very well. You then turn back to the metapod and watch as it falls over. You hold up your hands and run back to the group. You try to chest bump muscle Mon, cause he did the same arms in the air thing. This wasn’t a good idea, as his launched you off his chest and you flip over into the dirt. You rag doll like in a cartoon, and then lie there in embarrassment for a second. Muscle Mon then picks you up and starts spinning you around. You immediately start yelling at him to put you down and he does. The whole group looks ecstatic for you, except for Peters, who’s confused at the why metapod just flopped over dead, and Edgar looks horrified. Adam high fives you and then asks if you can do the last one. You remember that’s sucker punch, so you walk up to a numel, and sock him in the back of the head. The punch carries a black and purple glow to it, leaving a streak behind as you throw it. You hear a loud crack and the numel hits the floor.

“I’m a fucking beast!” You yell, and then walk back to the group. You get back and then there’s the debate of who next. Peters Volunteers and walks away from the group. As you wait, Nikita makes a remark of how sloppy a punch that was. She says she can teach you how to do a better one, if you want, and how to properly use other parts of hand to hand combat. Do you agree to be taught?

PAGEBREAK

You agree to have Nikita teach you some proper moves. She begins by showing you the proper fist, with your thumb over the middle segment of your fingers, and hitting with the front two knuckles. You do this as Peters casts a lot more fire stuff, engulfing the trees in fire and obliterating the mon. As you learn, Peters finishes getting used to the attacks and then comes back and has a chat with Edgar about how heretical this was, if at all. Next is Muscle Mon, and he starts off big. As Nikita is demonstrating a proper roundhouse, and teaching you it, the ground shakes and throws you off balance a little, while Nikita is borderline unfazed. The rest of the team and Adam are thrown to the ground as Muscle Mon uses earthquake, causing a giant shaking of the area and a split to form in the ground. He starts screaming in success as the ruined wall part of the area is reduced to rubble. He probably just ravaged ancient history, causing the UNESCO to have an aneurysm. As the rest of the group gets up, Muscle Mon turns around to look at everyone

“Bro, I expect the Californian to shrug off an earthquake but what’s a Russian doing all unfazed like that.” Muscle Mon says
“I’ve been in the middle of an artillery’s sights. I’m experienced with not being affected by massive ground shakes.”
“Whatever bro.” Musclemon says. He then walks over to a poor sandshrew, picks it up as it swipes at him, puts it in his mouth, and uses crunch. This one didn’t feint. He split it in half, then spits out the other end. “Oh no bro, I didn’t expect it to die.” He says, somewhat worried.
“Well, you bit it in half.” El Toro says, jokingly
“Peters torched the others and they’re fine, Disaster Queen went through them and cut down trees, and they’re fine-“
“Wouldn’t exactly say fine, but we get what you mean.” Adam says
“Why’s it just dead?”
“No clue why. Maybe try it on something else.” Adam says, and Musclemon does, picking up a trapinch, then also biting him in half. Musclemon let’s out a whine-shriek thing, and Adam starts to cringe a little at this

“This is good.” Nikita says
“What do you mean dude?” Musclemon says in a more concerned voice
“Because we know something can kill. If we ever get into trouble with Zodd again, maybe this will work. Maybe he can’t die normally, and we just need to have something stronger.”
“Didn’t you stab him in the heart?” El toro says
“Yeah, but even I can survive that.”
“Ec-fucking-scuse me, what?”
“Shits different in the Red Army.”
“Shits bullshit in the Russian army.”
“Red. Army. It isn’t just Russia.”
“Mostly Russia though?”
“Yeah.”
“Figured.”
“Bro I don’t like killing, please let me stop.” Musclemon says, whinily
“Do you actually care?” Nikita asks
“Of course I care, I just fucking bisected a god damn armadillo!” Musclemon yells in an angrier voice
“You’re still doing the voice though.”
“I CAN’T FUCKING STOP NOW! I am the Musclemon. The old me is dead, now I’m reborn as Mitch Roarenstein.” He says and Nikita begins to laugh. “This isn’t funny bro. This is me.”
“I know *sniff* I know, it’s just your name is funny.”
“It’s awesome is what it is!”
“Sure sure.”
“You know what? I got questions too” musclemon says, in a more serious but friendlier tone. As he says this, Adam and Peters begin to show Edgar how to use moves, to his displeasure.

“Fire away.” Nikita says
“First off, why are you still living in America? Like you obviously prefer Russia, you can’t help but talk about it, so why stay here?”
“Here? We’re in Iraq, but I know what you mean. Ok, so it’s a two part answer, and the first part is that everyone gets the same training and shit as me, so like, there’s way too much competition for stuff in the Union, and like fuck all outside of it.”
“So everyone can do what you do?”
“Pretty much, like there’s a majority of the population who are registered nuclear physicists, and this isn’t just Chernobyl style yesman idiots, I mean real scientists, and it’s like 70%. It’s fucking insane how good the school system got, and that’s mostly from how broad the newer leadership’s experiences are. Like we have slaves, artists, scholars, and yada yada. They formulated the perfect system, kept it to themselves, and then fucking dominated the worker qualification market. It’s an issue though, cause you know how in the us, a degree don’t mean shit anymore, in Russia it’s the same sorta thing, but not cause they’re worthless, it’s just that everyone has them.”
“So, you created the perfect school system, but ruined the job market?”
“Yeah. Which is another reason we aren’t like agressively expanding the borders of the Union, cause most of our economy and jobs rely on us having a mass exodus to other countries, and dominating their job markets before sending excess back to the Union.”
“Sounds a lot like colonialism, thought the communists didn’t do that.” El Toro says

“No, it’s different, because it’s not like we’re just taking their raw materials, we’re putting highly skilled workers in highly skilled positions, that will benefit the community in a variety of ways, and will benefit the motherland economically.”
“And gives incentives to keep the domestic population dumb.”
“It’s not colonialism.”
“Doubtful.”
“Hey Nikita, you have ways of convincing people of shit right?” Peters calls “can you help with Edgar, he’s thinking this stuff is black magic or something.”
“Sure.” Nikita says and then walks over to help, and Peters comes over to you.
“Hey y’all, what are we talking about?” Peters asks
“Trying to make sense of Nikita” El Toro answers
“How so?”
“He… she? It’s a she right?”
“Yeah.” You say
“Like, I’m not transphobic or anything, but who the fuck changes to a more feminine name and goes with Nikita?”
“Yeah, had me confused for a while to.”
“So you two were talking about if she’s a he or a she?” Peters asks
“No bro, it’s about like why she’s so pro-Russia, and then continues to live in Virginia.” Muscle Mon says
“You get an answer?”
“Like DJ Kahle, Russia is suffering from its success.” El Toro says, and then gives a brief summary of the past conversation
“Shit, sounds tough.” Peters remarks sarcastically
“Peters, why are you so calm in this situation?” El Toro asks

“In what way?”
“Like, You’re just not as panicky as everyone else?”
“Did you see me when this shit started? I was anything but calm. But now, so what if we’re gonna die if we don’t complete all this, or if attacks hit us, is that any different than before? I went from having bombs land beside me and bullets fly right by me, to shooting fire out of a stick whenever I feel like it and at worst fighting a sword fighting dragon. You ever tried to stab a panzer with a knife? That shit don’t work. This is easier than before, at least for me. No, you’re seeing me calm in the face of danger, cause I was at war- am at war. Nothing has changed, we’re still just killing eachother for some reasons. But now, I got built in badass fire shit. So what if I got breasts and a vag, I’d rather have that than be dead.”
“So nothing much changed for you?”

“Nothing much- now listen here, big things changed, I mean look at me. I just don’t show when shit’s bothering me like the rest of you, but it is. I personally am not the biggest fan of looking like this, and I cannot look in a mirror like this, it genuinely makes me want to vomit. I just can’t. I don’t let it show, cause you can’t show weakness when you’re face to face with Fritz, and the moment one of you winces, is the moment the other pulls the trigger. But believe you me, I’m not comfortable, I’m not happy, shit, I’m fucking terrified of what is with me. I don’t want to be stuck like this forever.”
“What about the culture shock-“ El Toro begins
“Don’t get me started on that! You’re from, what, two thousand and three?” Peters says, pointing at you, and you nod “yeah, and I know you’re confused about all the stuff that happened between then and everyone else’s time, and who even knows the changes between then and Nikita’s. I’m half a century back, I have no fucking clue what kind of shit you guys are doing, and it’s scary, I’m either gonna see this all just unfold, or I’ll die knowing exactly what I’m missing.” Peters finishes

You feel the need to hug him and tell him things are gonna be ok. Do you do so?

PAGEBREAK

You decide to hug Peters. He seems apprehensive and confused at first, then just pats your head.
“Not a big hugger, specially when it ain’t from a lady.” Peters says, as you let go
“Hugs Are a bit more acceptable, especially from your bros, now adays” you reply
“Too bad they’re all fucking dead.”
“That’s not what bro means- like close friends who are dudes- wait a second, you guys have the concept of brotherhood in your time.”
“Your slang and shit confuses me, so I don’t know what’s going on all the time, so I just take stuff literally.”
“Hey Peters.” El Toro says “this may not mean anything to you, but from what I’ve heard about your life, you’re living like some weird porno version of Saving Private Ryan.”

“What?” Peters says
“Bro, seriously? You gotta separate fact from fiction. This dude’s family is dead.” Muscle Mon says in the voice
“Oh that’s rich. Look around-“
“Let’s chill guys. We need unity if we’re gonna survive this. We need to work as one.” You say and Muscle Mon and El Toro stare at you, while Peters nods
“You’ve been talking too much with the communist.” El Toro says
“Yeah bro, that sounds extra red for you.” Muscle Mon adds
“He’s got a point-“ Peters begins
“Like no kidding, but it’s a little sus, considering he just had a long conversation with the communist, and now he’s spouting that stuff.”
“Oh who cares if Nikita is influencing him with communist shit, who fucking cares. Stupid ideology and shit like that only matter if you’re running a country. We’re fighting for our lives against some shit that doesn’t take philosophy to defeat. And assuming that I have an understanding of the situation, we finish these enemy teams, then we’re home free. If I’m wrong and we got shit to do after, by all means, start this ideological fighting again, but for now, the only thing we need to be focused on is killing a bunch of saracens and Persians, making it through the day, and working as a team.” Peters finishes

The group is silent for a moment, and then nods in agreement. You gotta make some friends of these people, and reckon it’ll be easier to make good terms with everyone first, and to do that, you need unity. . You can’t really do the talking, people won’t listen to you it seems, but they’ll listen to Peters, the wise old soldier, who’s one of the youngest here.
“Yeah.” Peters says after a little, standing with his legs spread apart, and a smile on his face that shows he wasn’t expecting that speech to be well received, but enjoying that it was “we’re gonna get everyone used to their magic shit, then we’re gonna fuck some folk up.” He says and there’s silence for a little longer “fuck it I could use a beer. They have beer here, right?”
“I don’t think so bro.” Muscle Mon says “it’s a Muslim country, they don’t like alcohol in their religion-“
“Well, that’s why God is so great, and Christianity is the true religion.” Peters says and chuckles “only kidding of course, there’s way better reasons than that. But still, God is better than Allan or whatever-“
“Allah.” Muscle Mon says
“Yeah, Allah. Allah is a myth, but God is the right one-“
“Peters, Bro, I get you had your education probably from a priest, but like, you’re kinda being a moron, right now.”
“How?”
“Allah is the Arabic word for God. Allah and God are the same being.” Muscle Mon finishes and Peters just stares at him for a little
“Well shit then.” Peters says “never mind all that. But I could use a drink.”

“You know who else needs a drink?”
“You?”
“MY MOM!”
“I still don’t understand what that’s supposed to mean.”
“You’re not doing that as much as he does it in the show.” El Toro says
“I forget bro, get off my back, you’re not my mom.” Muscle Mon replies
“Can you do the shirt twirl thing?” You ask
“Spines kinda make that hard. Like I’ll do it, but I got a limited number of shirts. However, if we do something really good, I’ll do it. Like beating Zodd”
“We’re gonna do that eventually I think.” Peters says “Nikita said she recognized some of us, but not who, so some of us have gotta come out of this alive, right?”
“You know who else Nikita recognized?” Muscle Mon says
“Is it your mom?” El Toro says
“MY MOM!”
“Why didn’t he get strangled?” You say jokingly
“He’s like a bull bro. One horn I will mess with, two is too many, bro.”
“So if I had two horns, it would be a different story?”
“Yeah cause then you’d be like the mega evolution thing, and you’d be like taller, I think.”
“The what?”
“Game mechanic. One of the best ones, in my personal opinion, then they scrapped it.”
“Interesting. So I can get taller?”
“I mean yeah, that and wings-“
“I can fly???”
“Yeah bro, I think.”
“Fuck yeah-“
“It’s through like- you know how we had that weird tie dye Pearl thing we coulda picked when we beat Ben’s seal?”
“Yeah? The amarophisite or something like that?”

“Yeah, so, if we can get something called Absolite, you can grow wings and stuff.”
“How the fuvk would we get one of those?”
“Idk-“
“If there’s anything valuable left in this country, it’s pillaged by the U S of A, and its corporate slaver cronies.” Nikita says, walking away from Adam and Edgar, who seem to be having a shouting match “and if it’s taken by Americans, the first place to look is the us embassy in Baghdad. The biggest and most complex embassy in the world. That’s a fortress of a diplomatic mission if I’ve ever seen one.”
“Ok, Ruski, what are you suggesting?” El Toro asks, apprehensively
“You know what I’m asking.”
“We are not the fucking Ayatollah, why are you suggesting we storm the US embassy?”
“Storm the- you guys have fucking citizenship, you can just walk in there. I mean for fuck’s sake, we have the optimal person to just waltz on in.”
“Who?”
“Adam Sandler. He is an American, business man, celebrity, and a Jew-“
“What’s his religion-“
“It’s the Middle East dude. It’s Iraq none the less. It will help.”
“I have zero clue what’s going on.” You say
“We’ll discuss later when the time comes.”

“Ok. So, Nikita, if I get the absolite stuff, can I get taller?” You ask
“It’s not permanent.” Nikita says
“It’s- fuck, so what, how longs it last?”
“I think it only can be used in a battle, and then goes away after.”
“So it’s a one time use?”
“No, you can use it unlimited times, it’s just temporary.”
“Shit… whatever, still better than nothing.”
“If you can get it, you should. The bonuses you’ll get will help you a lot.”
“Well, let’s do it then.” You say, and then the conversation continues until Adam has gotten Edgar to do things and calm down. He then says he needs to train some more people, and to do that, he needs to switch some people out, but wants to keep one person in. Peters Volunteers, and the rest of you are sent back to the box.

Upon entering the box, everyone is “greeted” by violette, and start to leave. You start heading over to your box, and Muscle Mon stops you. He says he wants to hang out, strategize, etc. do you hang out with him or go to your girlfriend?

PAGEBREAK

You decide to go and hang with Muscle Mon. You’re still shaky with Claire, and honestly, you kinda want to avoid this sorta confrontation. You ask what Muscle Mon wants to do, and he tells you to follow him. He Leads you into his box, which you find is the Park from Regular Show, very unexpected find. However, what is different is that there is a 100 foot tall statue of some guy, doing a splits type pose, with a spiked crown and a gigantic torch. You ask wtf that is and Muscle Mon says it’s the colossus of Rhodes, but Antonio Banderas. You ask him why he wanted that, and he says his favorite movie growing up was the movie Aloha Scooby Doo, and Antonio voiced the main antagonist, which turned into a niche joke between his friends. You nod in confusion and say that is really weird. Muscle Mon says it is what it is, and then takes you over to Muscle Man’s trailer, which looks as shitty as it was in the show. You enter, and follow to the couch. He lifts up the couch to reveal a hole underneath. You ask what it is and he tells you to go inside, so you do. Inside is this horrifying land. It’s like Los Vegas, casinos and all, but full of this thick fog that you can barely see out of. There’s a bunch of mannequins lining the streets and where you came from is just a rectangle in the ground, like a window. Muscle Mon hops through and sort of just pops out of it like a pipe in super Mario.

“How you like it bro?” Muscle Mon asks
“And I thought Nikita’s box was big” you reply
“Bro his is way bigger, like, I get mine looks large, but there’s only about 2 or 3 of these buildings actually furnished.”
“And Moscow?”
“Like I haven’t been inside, but that thing is apparently fully furnished.”
“How do you know?”
“Colt.”
“Fair enough.”
“So, you wanna check out the casinos?”
“How does gambling even work in a place where you control the money? Or is there like real money used here.”
“It’s like chips, and 3 of the casinos, those being the Venetian, Cesar’s Palace, and then Circus Circus, you can actually go and gamble in, but I made it so-”
“You’re telling me, that you had access to every casino in Vegas, and you chose fucking Circus Circus? I haven’t been to Vegas, but I’ve heard that place was a massive shithole where childhood dreams go to die.”
“Bro, you have really strong opinions on stuff you’ve never been to.”
“So?”
“You know who else has really strong opinions about things they’ve never been inside of?”
“You?”
“MY MOM! She didn’t let me near it cause she’s scared of clowns.”
“I can’t tell if that joke was truth or not.”
“It is, you know, it’s like- hard, bro. Like I wanna make the jokes, but I love my mom, and it just feels mad disrespectful sometimes.”
“Ah… ok, that makes sense.”

“So, you wanna gamble a ton of money away with no repercussions?”
“Honestly no. I do not want to gamble away all my luck, so that I end up having no luck when it comes to fighting. I need that so I can come home to Claire each day.”
“Listen, I got the same idea- well, not coming back to your girlfriend every night.”
“Obviously.”
“But, like, the part about the gambling and luck.”
“And yet you wanted Vegas.”
“Yes. Bro, I suck mad butts at gambling, I’m awful, so, I come here, have terrible luck, so then when I go out and fight, I get sick luck, you know?”
“I mean, besides that probably not being something that actually works, that sounds stupid and delusional.”
“Trust me bro. It works.”
“Eh, besides, I have enough bad luck with my girlfriend already, and if you’re talking about banking luck, as my relationship dies, I should survive each battle.” you say, getting a little shaky in the voice, towards the end.
“Sorry to hear that man, but like, she loves you and you love her, right?”
“Yeah?”
“And you two stuck together through thick and thin, even completely getting your lives switched around.”
“Yeah?”
“You guys hit a rough patch, that screwed up your relationship, but would destroy anyone else’s. Like, it’s like your relationship got shot in the head, and just had like a month in a coma and some rehab to do. Like bro, you are the literal definition of ‘would you still love me if blah blah blah.’ Like, you went from dude to furry chick, and she turned into a skunk. Your relationship is stronger than Mike Tyson, and can take a punch from him better than a tank.”
“I understand, but you have some really weird comparisons.”
“You know who else has some really weird comparisons?” he says and you stare at him for a second “MY MOM!”
“You gonna explain that one?”
“No. It’s funnier if I don’t.”

“You know what’s weird? It actually gets funnier each time. It is such a stupid joke, but it just keeps hitting harder.”
“I’m gonna tell the funniest one on my death bed bro. You’re not gonna know whether to cry or laugh bro, it’s gonna be great.”
“Hopefully it won’t be anytime soon- wait, how are you gonna do that when you die in your sleep, like 50 years from now?”
“I’ll write it in the end of my will, and hire a lawyer who can do the voice.”
“Heh. Write me into the will so I can go and hear it.”
“You got it bro.”
“Anyways, not the gambling type, so what else do you have to do here?”
“I’ve streaked through vegas like eight times now, I’ve bathed in the fountains, I’ve done all sorts of stuff.”
“Eh, like maybe we could go back to the park part, Vegas is just a little… tacky.”
“Wanna do donuts in golf carts while screaming our hearts out, then go bowling with explosive bowling balls.”
“Fuck yeah I do!”
“YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WANTS TO GO DO DONUTS IN GOLF CARTS WHILE SCREAMING THEIR HEART OUT, THEN GO BOWLING WITH EXPLOSIVE BOWLING BALLS?”
“WHO?”
“MY MOM! LET’S DO THIS!” he yells, then does his ‘wooooo’ scream and runs off. You hop through the rectangle, and get into Muscle Mon’s trailer. You take a few steps, then Muscle Mon comes flying out of the door and slams the roof of the trailer, nearly rocking it over in the process. You’re thrown off balance and fall to the ground. He then grabs you by your arms and sets you up right, before apologizing.

You then leave the trailer and spend a good three hours doing exactly what you said you would. Muscle Mon was really good at golfcarting, despite his size making the cart look like a clown car. You also found he was not good at bowling, and ended up blowing a hole in the roof of the bowling alley. You did ok, got around one strike per game, and did better than Muscle Mon. Eventually you get tired and decide you should head home. You bid Muscle Mon farewell and leave his box, entering the main area. In it, you find Maria talking to Claire, who looks really out of it. You say hey, and Claire sort of hides behind Maria.
“Hey, what’s up Claire?”
“Nothing nothing.” she says, still hiding behind the unamused rabbit.
“Maria?”
“She’s a bit high right now.” Maria says
“You bitch!” Claire say, and shoves Maria.
“Yeah, no, I’m done. See ya Queenie.” Maria says, looking like she just woke up, and then walks back to the neighborhood.
“Doing a little- uh, experimenting?” you say to Claire, who looks very fearful and embarrassed.
“Little bit.”
“You doing alright?”
“Yeah, yeah, just fine. Just got back from the move learning stuff, Adam got a bit mad that I was a little too high for directions.”
“Yeah, you seem a little agitated.”
“I am, I am, cause like that, and cause Donut-” she says, and then covers her mouth like she just yelled the n word in the middle of the inner city
“Donut?”


“No no, no Donut. She didn’t do anything I swear, let’s just go home-”
“I never said anything about Donut, you did.”
“Chris, don’t be mad.”
“I don’t know what I’m not supposed to be mad about.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Claire, you’re not making any sense whatsoever.”
“I’m sorry.” she says, and you let out a long, tired, sigh
“Whatever.”
“I’m sorry Chris. She tried to make a move, and-” she says and then covers her mouth again
“What?” you say, much more confused than angry, and then she reacts like you just tried to hit her. You’re doing nothing wrong, but her reactions are making you feel horrible. She looks so fearful and stressed. You hold out your arms, and walk towards her to hug her. She hesitates for a second, then lunges into your hug, knocking you over. You land on the ground with a thud, and she begins apologizing profusely, saying she’s terrible and it’s ok if you hate her. You chuckle a little and say you still can never hate her, and stand up to hug her again. She hugs you lower, which is weird cause she has to go on her knees to do so. You say she should stand up, and she does, again apologizing. You say you get her thought process, but can’t blame her for you being short. You then tell her about the Absolite, and she says you’d look amazing with wings. You say you’re also pumped for having two horns instead of one, cause the single horn kind of fucks up your neck. As you continue to hug, and whisper to each other, you hear violette gag and make some comments under her breath.

Both you and Claire heard that and turned to stare at her.
“Got a problem bitch?” Claire says
“Yeah. fuck off with the pda, we already have enough nastiness with RIck being so open about his sex life.” Violette says
“You’re seriously comparing a hug to a public ass fucking?” you say, not remembering exactly what he and Lucifer were doing when they got teleported. Violette is about to make another remark, when Nikita comes up from behind you, points at Violette and puts her hand on your shoulder.
“Silence. Just because no one actually loved you, does not mean you get to shit on others.” Nikita says
“Oh great, the Russian Roleplayer, I bet you have a lot of room to talk about a lack of love.”
“With the exception of Adad and Adam, I’m the only married person here. So yes, I got a lot of room to talk. As for you, you have shown no worth to the team, this mission, or anyone. You have zero friends, zero personality, zero skills, and zero things to do, based on how you hang around this box like a tapeworm, making anyone to come in contact with you miserable. You are genuinely worthless. So fuck off back to your misserable box, and be a bitch alone.” Nikita says, and Violette calmly walks off, flipping the bird as she does.

“Thanks N-” you begin
“Get some rest, we taught Adad to fly, and we’re going straight to Baghdad and we roll out in the morning.” Nikita says, and then walks off to her box
“Yeah, she’s probably right. I gotta sleep anyways, so, let’s hit the hay.” Claire says
“Ok, but when I get back from Baghdad, I want to know what happened with Donut.”
“Ok.” she says shyly.