'' usually in italics and not '', but there is only so little we can do with FAs formatting. beware repeating tags in this case spoke.

Good character work and good scene building and yeah pretty solid writing.

Thank you for taking the time to check this one out.

I even noticed that I was repeating things this time but I wasn't sure how to mix things up.

Comes with practice, you don't always need a tag, and sometimes using the abysmal said is ok. A thesauruses comes in handy too.

I took that someone intends to move abroad and her superior, who's also her guardian as she grew up orphaned, has to let her go despite possible dangers.

In essence, yes, that was the story I was working toward. There are a few details I tried to allude to but even reading it back to myself, I fully agree with your summary.

this was not an attempt... it was most excellent and set the mood very nicely...

Vix

I'm glad you thought so. I'm hoping to start drafting the actual story soon. Hopefully I can maintain the set mood.

I enjoyed this.

You repeated a couple words a few times, and did little to describe the lounge they were in. I wasn't sure what the lounge was or even the time frame for it.

But I quite enjoyed the story.

I'm glad you thought this one was enjoyable.

Yes, repeating things is now my biggest hurdle with my stories, but I will try to work on that.

As for the lounge, I didn't really do much for it as the scene I had in my head for this one was just the two characters in front of a window looking out into the night sky. I thought things over about where I want to go with the story and decided that a break room / lounge would suffice for this purpose. Unfortunately, I didn't give much thought to actually describing the lounge.

All in all, you did capture a good scene. There was strong emotion within it. You hinted at something with her father in the photograph and a promise he made the bear make before he disappeared. I just couldn't see anything else in my minds eye other than a window.

Well I thought this was very good, emotive and intruiging!

Thank you for saying so, I'm glad you thought this one went well.

beautiful scene. Some good use of inference. Correct me if I missed the point, but I found the repetition of Specialist a little formal and impersonal. play with different forms of address. Start with specialist, then as the conversation becomes more personal, change to grace, maby even going via surname. Then perhaps he finishes the conversation with specialist as a sign of respect.

Thank you for checking it out; I very much appreciate you thinking it was nicely done.

I certainly see your point, but the formal and impersonal atmosphere was kind of what I was going for here. I wanted to make it seem like the two only had a professional relationship in this scene. That said, I will absolutely be taking your recommendations into account moving forward as I was trying to hint that they are actually closer than the dialogue might suggest.