Puck: "Hey, kids, come check this out. You know that 'Mew' theory everybody keeps mentioning? That all Pokemon were supposedly descended from a Mew and something else?

"Well..." (kneels and pats the ground next to him) "If this-" (Mightyena sidles up to him) "-is the Pokemon-" (pats the ground on the other side of him) "-then this" (Shenzi joins him) "-is that something else." (hugs his arm around Shenzi's neck and rubs under her chin) "This is Shenzi, a hyena." (kisses her head) "And Shenzi, these are Ray and Dory, Tera's, um, man-cubs."

Shenzi: "Aww. They're so ugly, they're cute." (deliberate pause) "Hehehe -- I'm only kidding." (stands up and approaches) "Are they the same species?" (circles Ray) "Or did this one lose his tail somehow?"

Mightyena: "They're the same species." (approaches Dory) "This one just has a better fashion sense. You're Dory, right?" (sits next to her and pets her head) "Right?"

Dory: "Uh... Hm?"

Shenzi: "Am I distracting you?" (waves her in and hugs her) "Hehe, they like me better." (licks Dory's head, then goes to lick Ray but he's gone) "Huh?"

Ray: "Sorry." (goes over and pets Mightyena)

Mightyena: "Heh." (snugs and licks Ray) "You were saying?"

Ray: "Sorry, Shenzi. I, uh... I'm not there yet."

Dory: "Aw, come on, this isn't awesome to you?" (rubs Shenzi's face) "How many people do we know who ever got to pet a real hyena?"

Ray: "Plenty. They're both hyenas. But this is the hyena I know."

Dory: "Do you? She's a dark-type -- it's impossible to genuinely know her."

Ray: "You can still know enough about them. Nobody knows what the pre-yenas were like-"

---

Twenty minutes of back-and-forth debate egged on by the two yenas' later...

---

Puck: (sigh) "Are we really doing this?"

Shenzi: "It's the only sensible way to truly settle this."

Puck: "It stopped being sensible when you decided it needed to be settled at all... But... Fine, whatever. Ray, Dory, blindfolds on." (watches the kids blindfold themselves) "Ready?" (grabs Shenzi and shoves her face up against his ass like Peter Griffin does to Meg)

Shenzi: "Oi! What was that for?!"

Puck: "To make sure they're not peeking." (pause) "No reaction. We may proceed. Yenas', select your first prey."

---

Four hours later...

---

Puck: "Okay..." (rubs the two yenas' bellies) "Ray? Dory? Make sure your blindfolds are secure. It's time to swap."

---

Four hours and six minutes later...

---

Puck: "You're late."

Shenzi: "Sorry."

Puck: "Alright, let's get this over with." (rubs both of their bellies) "Ray? Dory? Which one has the better belly? A or B?"

Dory: "Mmmm... I'll go with this one. B."

Puck: "And Ray?"

Ray: (yawns) "B."

(long awkward pause)

Puck: "Amazing. After all that, they both picked the other one's yena'."

Shenzi: "The other one's? Does that mean we have to swap again?"

Mightyena: "Screw that, this one's mine now. I'm not taking the short stick this time."

Shenzi: "Hee-hee-hee. You're just jealous."

Puck: "Enough. Both of you." (pets them both) "Neither one of you has the better human."

Shenzi: "True. Because they both belong to the bird."

Mightyena: "We'll ask him when he gets back."

---

Pokemon is © Game Freak / Nintendo.

Shenzi is © Disney.

Original artwork by  littleraccoondemon. Please favorite the original here.