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A conversation between a fox and his doe girlfriend who he's never seen a picture of.
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 2.6 kB
You've provided an interesting piece of flash-fiction, ARF, I can think of very little criticisms by way of improvement that I could provide.
Being not a part of the obvious target audience this piece panders to, I felt some disconnection with the main character, who seems to have responded in a positive way to something that most would shy away from. That said, you seemed to capture the flavour of an IM conversation. Links, odd usernames, occasional slips in typing (A semi colon instead of an apostrophe), all that adds a layer of realism, which I'm sure most readers will appreciate.
I wouldn't ask you to edit this piece, but in the future, just to provide some friendly advice, I think it would be better to add a more comedic edge to further installments. The main premise seems to be a misunderstanding between two lovers, and well, misunderstanding is the root of all comedy, right?
Not to say you're going about this all wrong, I just mean to say you'll open up to a much wider audience, by adding an element that already has the propensity to be there, Ja.
Good luck in the future of writing. You seem to have a good understanding of the media you're using, employing a technique that, while tried and true, shows that you are starting to experiment with the borders of conventional writing, choosing to tell the story in a creative way that adds to the overall message.
I look fourward to possibly reading more works by yourself.
Being not a part of the obvious target audience this piece panders to, I felt some disconnection with the main character, who seems to have responded in a positive way to something that most would shy away from. That said, you seemed to capture the flavour of an IM conversation. Links, odd usernames, occasional slips in typing (A semi colon instead of an apostrophe), all that adds a layer of realism, which I'm sure most readers will appreciate.
I wouldn't ask you to edit this piece, but in the future, just to provide some friendly advice, I think it would be better to add a more comedic edge to further installments. The main premise seems to be a misunderstanding between two lovers, and well, misunderstanding is the root of all comedy, right?
Not to say you're going about this all wrong, I just mean to say you'll open up to a much wider audience, by adding an element that already has the propensity to be there, Ja.
Good luck in the future of writing. You seem to have a good understanding of the media you're using, employing a technique that, while tried and true, shows that you are starting to experiment with the borders of conventional writing, choosing to tell the story in a creative way that adds to the overall message.
I look fourward to possibly reading more works by yourself.
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