Plot summary: Not everything is heists and games when you are a Bad Guy and wearing a natural fur coat you cannot take off.

NOTE: SUITABLE ONLY FOR TEENS AND OLDER!

The background:
Heist stories might not be my cup of tea but setting out to write one anyway turned out to be a great idea.
It makes me procrastinate by writing other things instead and here is another slice-of-life tale.
This one is itchy and I kept scratching myself while writing it, so beware!

Shedding

By Agncec, 2023


DISCLAIMER! This work is not affiliated with DreamWorks in any way. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the movie. All events herein are purely fictional and sprung from the writer's imagination. The mirror Earth where the story takes place is different from ours (although there are overlaps), so if you enjoy things “dark and realistic” do not continue reading as you may find this disheartening.

This story plays out approximately ten years prior to the events of the movie.


"Ummm, you...got a problem, Wolf?"

Snake was looking away from the TV cooking show, distracted by the insistent scratching sound.

"It's that time of the year." Wolf ran his claws behind the left ear like crazy. "But it's never been this bad before. Damn!"

"Hey!" Tarantula exclaimed when a fur tuft came to land across her keyboard.

"Sorry Webs, can't help it! Stupid biological functions!" Wolf growled, the itch moving to the back of his head now. "If my hide didn't insist on growing a useless winter coat... I don't even need it! Shit..."

"Don't take it personally, but I am going to move from here, to over there." Tarantula said and put a sizable distance between them. "You SURE you haven't got fleas?"

Wolf froze up and shot her a frantic, terrified look.

"Excuse me!"

Still scratching himself, Wolf dashed off towards the bathroom, a hairy cloud floating gently in his wake.

"If the bugs got him we're gonna have to unleash chemical warfare, not only on them, but this entire place." Snake said with a grimace. "Won't that be fun!"

"How long will he keep shedding?" Tarantula asked, having never witnessed the phenomenon before.

"Two weeks, give or take a few days."

"Wow! Furbearers have it pretty bad."

"Yup."

Meanwhile, Wolf busied himself in the bathroom inspecting the fine brushes and combs under the lamp. Seeing no signs of the repugnant pests haunting everyone with fur relieved him. Still, the itch was maddening and only a very rough brush could somewhat soothe it. As long as fleas weren't the cause he would stand it.

Or so he thought.


"That's it!" Snake, bleary-eyed after a night without sleep, glared at his roommate. "When we find a decent lair I'll have my own room and until your scratch fever is over I'll spend my nights elsewhere!"

"Come on man, it ain't THAT bad."

"Not that bad?!" Snake yelled, looking quite deranged. "All night I've had to listen to you grunting, thudding and scratching! I'm bunking with Shark!"

"I'm s-sorry, okay?"


The following week became a dire trial and the team had to get accustomed to the constant sound of nails digging into fur.

Wolf scratched himself during stake-outs, while driving and swerving dangerously, while watching TV. In the morning, in the afternoon, all day long. Hair was soon to be found everywhere and Wolf spent much time vacuuming - until the vacuum cleaner choked and refused to start again that is.

"Sorry!" he exclaimed in despair, paw working furiously across his chest.

Seeing his misery, the four friends tried being patient and indulgent, but sometimes things passed into absurdity.

"What the...!"

Snake gaped at the sight of an almost naked Wolf (underwear thankfully still on) rubbing his back against the wall masonry, a blissful expression on his face, fur flying in every direction.

"You've got to be fangin' kidding me! What are you DOING?!"

"Ah, hey! Uh..." Wolf flushed. "Sorry, Snake! I'm going stir-crazy here and nothing else helps!"

"I think it's time you go see a doctor."

"NO! It'll get better soon!"

"Listen, this has gone on for one week and you look awful." Snake pointed his tail tip at the large furry islands all over canine where most of the winter coat still held firm.

"When the last bits give way I'll be fine!"

"Last bits?! You're not even half-way through!"

"It won't be long! Any day now!"

The next day offered no signs of improvement, however.

"Hey Shark, care to lend a hand?"

"Sure, anytime...say what?!"

"Aaaah!" Wolf sighed, rubbing his head against the rough, sandpaper-like skin.

"S-stop that, man!" Shark tore away his already hair-covered fin.

"Get a hold of yourself, Wolf!"

"S-sorry! Hey, Piranha, could you lend me a..."

"Hermano you may be but come a step closer and I'll floor ya, Lobo!"

"I've been researching and there's this retired practitioner who specialises in patients who would rather keep a low profile." Tarantula said, eyes on her laptop screen. "According to my sources she's good enough at what she does."

"Sounds great! How do you contact her?" Snake asked.

"There is a cell phone number for private inquiries."

"Not a chance!" Wolf shook his head. "I am not calling a doctor. I won't!"

"Enough of your stubbornness!" Snake spat and turned to the other three. "I think it's time we do a democratic poll on whether or not Wolf should go see the vet! All in favour?"

A loud "YAY!" from four voices resounded through the living room quarters.

"Opposed?"

"Nay." Wolf said miserably.

"Well, I'd say the aye's won this one. Read out that phone number!"

*

"I don't trust a doctor who arranges an appointment right away!"

"Stop looking for excuses and keep on driving."

"Why did you even have to come along?!"

"Because I thought you might need the support and I don't want you alone in case this doc turns out to be a quack."

"Oh... Sorry, man! I'm being a jerk here."

"It's okay. I sure don't envy you furbearers. Say, that's got to be the place."

Wolf made a turn and drove through an open iron gate, parking his car on the plain concrete driveway fronting a two-story house. Hardwood trees and palms grew around the estate, providing privacy from neighbours and other curious busy-bodies.

"Hurry up, will you?"

Scratching under the shirt out of sheer nervousness, Wolf walked up to the entrance and rang the bell. The door opened almost immediately and he found himself eye-to-eye with a stout, white-coated old woman wearing a pair of glaring, red-rimmed glasses.

"Mister Wolf, I presume?"

Her voice left no openings for tomfoolery or arguments.

"Y-yes, doctor."

"And your companion is...?"

"Call me mister Snake! I'm here to make sure Wolf is being properly looked after."

"Very well. Follow me." The woman led them into a large room at the end of the hallway. "Please have a seat, mister Wolf." she gestured towards an examination table. "Your friend may occupy that armchair."

Wolf's heart beat hard as he obeyed and tried to abstain from scratching his hide. The attempt failed.

"So, I understand you are experiencing a bad shed?"

"Y-yes."

"How long has it been like this?"

"Since last weekend. I can't even sleep!"

"Do you feel otherwise healthy?"

"Uh, aside from a lack of sleep, yeah."

"I see. Please undress."

"Huh?!"

"You heard me, young man." the doctor sighed. "How am I to examine you with your clothes on?"

"ALL of them?!"

"You may keep the underwear on, for now."

Snake struggled to keep a straight face while Wolf reluctantly began unbuttoning his shirt, pausing every now and then to scratch the exposed fur. Having removed the pants he sat down again, looking more like a pup than a grown adult, as the doctor used a stethoscope to listen to his heart and breathing.

"Do you have any history of seizures, respiratory issues or liver problems?"

"No."

"Are you drinking alcohol, taking medications or any other drugs?"

"No!"

"Are you nervous, mister Wolf?"

"Y-yeah..."

"I can hear that. Please lie down and try to relax. Is there any radio station you prefer listening to?"

"Eh, 70s rock, maybe?"

Switching on an antique radio sitting on her desk, the doctor had no trouble finding a suitable broadcasting frequency.

"Done this before?" Snake asked from the armchair, enjoying the unfolding show.

"Occasionally. My patients tend to be more twitchy than the average and music often helps. Do it for years and you will learn all stations by heart."

Donning a pair of latex gloves the doctor spent minutes pinching, parting and inspecting the near nude Wolf's shaggy coat through a magnifying lens.

"The good news is I see no traces of parasitic infection. No fleas, no lice, no mange, no eggs."

Wolf closed his eyes and sighed in relief.

"The bad news is I can't assess a clear root cause. It could be a hormonal imbalance, vitamin deficiency or something worse. But let us not jump to conclusions just yet and start with what we do know. Are you eating properly?"

"Uh yeah, I do. Meat, for the most part."

"You might want to add more vegetables and fruit to your diet." she shot him a stern glance. "Do you exercise?"

"I keep in shape. Running, primarily."

"Good. Are you sexually active?"

"W-w-what?!"

"A shed may be affected by excessive rutting or self-stimulation."

"I... I ain't got a mate and I... NO!"

Here, Snake had to wrap a coil around his own snout to suppress his mirth.

"I am merely investigating possible causes." she continued in a neutral tone and took some notes. "Please, remove your underwear. I want to check your testes."

Wolf's yellow eyes looked like were about to fall out of their sockets.

"Uh... Would you mind turning the other way, Snake?"

"You don't have to ask me twice! I ain't looking at your junk!"

"They are called genitals." the doctor sighed. "And no need to be embarrassed, mister Wolf. I have seen plenty of naked males in my days."

"Really?" Snake chortled, close to bursting.

The old woman rolled her eyes and once Wolf had stripped into his birthday suit, she examined his privates with the same detached, professional air.

"I can't feel anything abnormal. As far as I can tell, you are a perfectly healthy male."

"Uh, great. Can I put my clothes back on now?"

"Yes. There is a slight rash visible on your skin, no doubt caused by the stress from repeated tearing. File those claws when you get home and hold off scratching yourself for a day, at least. Your skin needs to recover."

"H-how the hell am I supposed NOT to?! I'm going crazy!"

"Don't worry. I have just the thing for you."

Walking up to a huge cupboard, the doctor began searching among countless packs of medicine.

"These are antihistamines." she said, holding up a plastic bottle. "Take one tablet when you get home, then one in the morning and one in the evening for a week. It should soothe the irritation. This medicine has not been clinically tested on wolves but I think there is a good chance it will work without major side-effects."

"That doesn't sound very reassuring." Wolf inspected the pill bottle with skepticism.

"Drowsiness is a common effect, so don't drive or operate complex machinery during the period of medication. I also recommend you buy a mild fur shampoo and vitamin supplements for canids. Refrain from using steel combs or hard brushes on sensitive areas! Use a soft fur brush for that purpose. Now, my fee..."


"Just to be clear," Snake hissed at the doctor as he and Wolf were leaving, "if we EVER catch wind of you blabbing to the cops about this..."

"Oh, please! I practice under complete patient confidentiality."

"I saw you taking lots of notes!"

"The more I know about your friend's medical history, the better I can assess and treat him if he ever requires my services again. Remember, mister Wolf, your hide must be given a full twenty-four hours to recuperate. If the shedding has not improved within a week, or if your condition gets any worse, you are welcome to return."

"Fine." the serpent grumbled. "Let's hope it won't come to that."

"Indeed. Good day, gentlemen."

The front door closed behind them.

"Guess we'll do the shopping now, huh?" Wolf said, rubbing himself using his fists instead of his claws. "I wanna get it over with A.S.A.P."

*

Back at their temporary hideout, a basement under an abandoned warehouse, Wolf immediately rushed into the bathroom carrying his new supplies.

"Don't swallow all those damn pills in one go, you hear?!" Snake yelled after him and settled in the old couch facing the TV.

"How did it go?" Tarantula asked.

"The doctor gave Wolf some anti-hits-a-mine or whatever, instructed him to eat more greens and to not scratch himself. We paid a lot for those tips, so they better work. Where are Shark and Piranha?"

"Out, surprise-stealing a vacuum cleaner. Don't tell Wolf!"

"Don't tell me what?" Wolf was returning from the bathroom and sat down in front of the TV. His claws were shorter and he kept running a brush underneath his chin.

"Nothing! How do you feel?"

"Still itches like hell. Gotta love this soft brush, though. I hope that antihistamine stuff she sold me isn't bogus."

But as time passed, Wolf's head began sagging and it wasn't long until he excused himself. Waiting ten minutes before checking, Snake found Wolf lying spread-eagled in bed, snoring loudly.

"Out like a puppy!" Snake said, reclaiming his seat on the couch. "Think I'll sleep in my own bed tonight. Keep an eye on him."


The next day, Wolf woke up feeling famished.

Scratching his scruffy self without thinking, he was rewarded a big tuft of fur.

Encouraged by this development, he swallowed one tablet per the doctor's instructions and headed towards the kitchen to fry a slab of meat. Combing and brushing could be saved for later.

"Don't we look perky today!" Snake exclaimed, rearing from the couch where he had been watching the morning news.

"Yep. The medicine's really helping. Hey, do we keep any veggies around this place?"

"Are you kidding me or what?!"

"Sorry, what a stupid question... Guess vitamins will have to do 'til I am back to normal."


As the week progressed Wolf kept sleeping well and the pesky winter coat finally let go, large chunks coming out whenever he brushed. Looking over the shoulder and into a mirror, he felt a tremendous relief at the sight of his gleaming, grey summer pelt. It was almost like waking from a long nightmare!

He decided to try eating more green things alongside the meat he loved so unconditionally.

And knock on wood, Wolf never suffered such a brutal shed ever again.

~
The End