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Written for the 
thursdayprompt - expansive imprint
A watch-maker misses his flight, and has to call on a friend to sail him across the sheet. It turns out things are a little more exciting on the ground, at least when you go poking at land-ships.
This one fought me a fair bit and ended up a bit larger than I expected, but I figure it's better late than never.
[Six Pages : 1798 Words]
Edit: Went in and tried again to kill all of the rogue first person shenanigans.
thursdayprompt - expansive imprint A watch-maker misses his flight, and has to call on a friend to sail him across the sheet. It turns out things are a little more exciting on the ground, at least when you go poking at land-ships.
This one fought me a fair bit and ended up a bit larger than I expected, but I figure it's better late than never.
[Six Pages : 1798 Words]
Edit: Went in and tried again to kill all of the rogue first person shenanigans.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 104px
File Size 56.7 kB
Listed in Folders
Some slight issues with Point of View - the story seems to swap between first and third person with no clear reason rather than sticking with one - but an otherwise very enjoyable read. A fascinating little look into the world grounded in an entirely human (or, anthro - you get the point) problem and relationship.
*laughs... yes I am old enough to have seen a of of things. I've been meaning to do a journal on things/expressions that have disappeared.
My grandfather was a WWI navy vet. When I joined the Coast Guard, he told me, 'When you get stationed on a ship, try to get a position like Captain of the Head, because it will pay you some extra money for your pocket.'
The Head, is of course, the bathroom, and there was no such position on the ships I was on.
Vix
My grandfather was a WWI navy vet. When I joined the Coast Guard, he told me, 'When you get stationed on a ship, try to get a position like Captain of the Head, because it will pay you some extra money for your pocket.'
The Head, is of course, the bathroom, and there was no such position on the ships I was on.
Vix
Excellent story and a perfect length! Nice characterisation, world-building and fun action scene.
And that does sound like an enjoyable way to travel ;)
There are still a couple of minor issues with point of view and speeling but overall a fun read and well paced!
edited to add the last two paragraphs on page six are difficult to parse, I'm not certain what its meant to be saying?
And that does sound like an enjoyable way to travel ;)
There are still a couple of minor issues with point of view and speeling but overall a fun read and well paced!
edited to add the last two paragraphs on page six are difficult to parse, I'm not certain what its meant to be saying?
Eee, especially glad to hear you liked the action scene! That bit was the one I was most worried about outside of the grammar shenanigans.
Also yes, definitely sounds like a thrilling ride x3
Also yeah, issues for days ;w;
I went in and fixed those last two paragraphs too. I really don't know what happened there.
Also yes, definitely sounds like a thrilling ride x3
Also yeah, issues for days ;w;
I went in and fixed those last two paragraphs too. I really don't know what happened there.
You're welcome, the whole thing was very well done!
And don't worry I don't think I've managed to submit a story yet* that didn't have typos and grammar issues, part of the problem is that a writer is too close to their own story, we know what it's meant to sound like and our minds glance over those issues.
*I got a note from V a few days ago about exactly the same thing actually, the last paragraph was confusing and needed tidied up.
And don't worry I don't think I've managed to submit a story yet* that didn't have typos and grammar issues, part of the problem is that a writer is too close to their own story, we know what it's meant to sound like and our minds glance over those issues.
*I got a note from V a few days ago about exactly the same thing actually, the last paragraph was confusing and needed tidied up.
Thankies! <3
Also yes, I am already quite familiar with that in visual art. I call it brain photoshop. It's pretty easily broken by mirroring the image, but I have yet to have much luck doing that with a page with words on it xp
Hecc even stories with several beta-readers still come out with typo or two. Still, glad I'm not the only one who's brain shuts down during the ending paragraphs x3
Also yes, I am already quite familiar with that in visual art. I call it brain photoshop. It's pretty easily broken by mirroring the image, but I have yet to have much luck doing that with a page with words on it xp
Hecc even stories with several beta-readers still come out with typo or two. Still, glad I'm not the only one who's brain shuts down during the ending paragraphs x3
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