Here I have been ignoring this thing, and I have nothing happy to report at this point and time. My bird, "Birdybird" as I've come to call him, as opposed to the name that I gave him, "Drake", is no more. He, as of half an hour ago, has died. This was not some "Seen it coming", he was not old. It's been two years since I got him, at which point I was still tube-feeding him.. he was a freaking BABY. In fact, I was playing with him, tossing him up and letting him fly back to his cage, all the while telling him that I was going to clip his wings some day soon, so he couldn't do that any more, then he wouldn't know what to do.

All of a sudden, he collides with a wall, and falls like a sack of wet hammers to the ground. A few minutes later, I just know it's not anything minor, he's just lying limply in my hand, looking up at me with the same "My legs don't work!" look on his face. Now, there's a veteranarian's office within a hundred yards of where I'm sitting right now, so I desperately rushed over there as quickly as not jostling him overmuch would allow, and get "We don't know anything about birds, here's the place in town that does!" This place, of course, is across town, and about the time I get the info from the girl at the desk, I can just *feel* him die in my hands. Still, I rush back to my car and.. no, he's quite dead.. no breathing, no heartbeat, nothing.

Birdy went from perfectly fine to DEAD in less than ten minutes.

I loved that bird, I was planning on being stuck with him for quite some time. Despite his pointless screaming, despite barely being able to sleep, despite *knowing* that he's keeping everyone in the apartment awake while I'm home, despite the bites and the crap on every piece of clothing I own, despite the horrible mess of birdseed in my room.. I loved teasing him, I loved playing with his toy and watching him freak out because of it.. I loved the glaring "I will kill you" look he'd give me after a bath, the way he was terrified of my favorite dinner plate...

Death is one thing when you're prepared for it.. when it's a straight right that you see coming a mile away and are ready for.. but this is a knee to the groin in round two that overpowers anything positive you might have going for you. I was in a wonderful mood an hour ago, looking forward to a weekend full of fun, seeing old friends and all that. Now it's all bleak and grey beyond the swell of tears blurring my vision.

I'll mend. I'll go on.. what choice have I?