***Ducks cancel tens of flights

DUCK POND, Feb 2 (metdotcom) - Travelling ducks today cancelled tens of flights due to severe weather conditions that has frozen the pond and provided a severe snowfall in the area of the back yard and the woods.

The cold front dumped up to 4 inches of snow on the hills to the east, as well as making telephone lines and branches impossibly slick for non-webbed avians.

The majority of ducks and geese had scrapped more than 10 flights to the lake by midday.

"We are currently at approximately 18 total cancellations systemwide," a spokesman for mallard ducks said. "That's about 60 percent of our operations and it could increase by sunset."

"We recommend all ducks and geese check their web feet to determine the status of their flight," said a barnacle goose inside flight services and control.

With feed running low, some ducks are considering becoming carnivorous, but state that the situation will have to continue for several days before the option will be voted-upon, and the human they have captured finally expires.

Image shows ducks parked on the runway at the pond, awaiting a break in the weather. Our reporter is a fat orange one.


(original reportage stolen from reuters.com and mangled for the purpose of parody)