jackson i really really cannot take the lengthy void ive had to live in, i dont get sad anymore because of words you said. i dont get frustrated cuz this or that; its been absolutely nothing for so long. ive drawn you for about 6 years now, where ever i go, you will go. i miss the idea of you. i dont know you anymore, every day i desperately wish i had the chance to even get a hint of what you are now. i dont care if its something i like, something that fits my image of you or doesnt. i wish i had something. theres a reason why im "obsessed", this all cant be for nothing... surely God wouldnt allow you to flood my brain 24/7, plague my social life for absolutely nothing. my late childhood was absolutely fucking crushed because of you, and im sure the rest of my life will have to take the toll, with that being said im almost glad. i wear the mark you left with pride. i wouldnt be the same person i am today if you three didnt tear me apart. youve improved me as a person so much without intention, i would never thank you enough. please, lets celebrate it together, there is no one else in this world id want to do that with. i cling onto the pieces ive managed to gather, but up until a few years ago, ive been terrified to collect any more. i plan on texting you when i get out of bootcamp and into school. i beg you to be nice to me at the very least... otherwise youll be giving me something to actually cry about. refer back to the incident with gene, i promise im not who you think i am. the things you thought were true about me, arent. gene absolutely BEGGED you & peter to hear him out, that i was making it all up, asking you,
"why would she do this?"... he said he was about to cry. i wish i could feel what you felt the minute you found out he was a lying piece of shit... he was digitally molesting me. with my rep, im sure it was easy to believe him. i wish i could put the same yearning of wanting to know who you are, right back into me. i wish that one day, ill cross ur mind a few times. 🍂