"SERIOUSLY?" the rodent yelled into the telephone. "Are you being serious or are you just yanking my chain here?"
"It's all we have, sir. Just be happy with what you got." Came the voice on the other end of the line.
"Happy? HAPPY? Happy does NOT describe my state right not. Do you have any idea what kind of situation I am in here?"
"I'm afraid I don't understand why..."
"I put in the requisition for a new telephone for my department a month ago when my old one died. So I come into work today and do you know what I find on my desk?"
"A new phone?"
"NO! What I find is a second-hand phone. A hand-me-down... heck, not just ANY hand-me-down... I got CHIEF BOGO'S hand-me-down telephone!"
"Well it's still functional, isn't it? Good solid state, hardline analogue tech that won't die on you any time soon." Said officer Ndovu, desperately trying to keep hold of the situation."Yes it is repurposed but you are the records department. What possible issue could there be?"
"WHAT POSSIBLE ISSUE?" Screamed Hamlin into the receiver. "Let me illuminate you pal... I'M A BLOODY RAT! Chief Bogo is a Cape Buffalo, HE WEIGHTS 2000 POUNDS ON A GOOD DAY! ARE YOU GETTING THE PICTURE OR DO I HAVE TO DRAW ONE FOR YOU?"
"Oh..." Officer Ndovu said quietly, suddenly feeling smaller than the person on the other end.
"Yeah... 'oh'. So here's what's going to happen. You are going to find a phone for my department that is more compatible with my compact frame... and you will swap it out with this behemoth or I promise you I am PERSONALLY coming up to your office and elephant or not, I am going to kick your wrinkly gray butt back to... to..." Hamlin hesitated before speaking in a more calm tone. "...Ok... I'm going to have to ask where your ancestors came from."
"Wh... what?"
"Yeah. I'm about to threaten to kick your butt back to your bloodline's point of origin but I don't want to be ignorant of it. I mean I'm not even certain if you're an Asian elephant or an African elephant. If I'm going to be insensitive when I threaten you I wanna at least be accurate."
"Oh... OH! Uhm... My family comes from Uganda, thank you for asking. You would be surprised how often people get it wrong."
Not a problem. *AHEM* I am going to kick your your wrinkly gray butt all the way to Uganda! Do I make myself perfectly clear?"
"Yes sir. We will correct this oversight."
"Thank you! Now for the purpose of this call, please assume that I just slammed this receiver back down in the cradle. Stupid thing weighs more than I do."
"I will sir. Um... thank you for calling."
Officer Ndovu, carefully hung up as if his own telephone receiver were made of high explosives. He had heard stories around Sargent Hamlin down in Records, and how he could make your life merry hell if annoyed. It had never occured to him in the slightest that he was a rat... but now he couldn't help but wonder if his own mighty ancestors were laughing at him for feeling absolutely cowed by a rodent.




Art courtesy of Dutch https://www.furaffinity.net/user/dutch/