Oooooffff, that was very well done, I didn't see the ending coming at all, though I'm glad to see this is only part one! I don't want to say too much but I really liked their relationship, good world-building, and the fight scene flows very well, you certainly know your stuff!

I'm so glad you liked it, and thanks so much for the fave! It's reassuring to hear that those things worked. I haven't had much feedback from others on this, so it's all very appreciated.

I've always been sort of worried about where I ended part 1 without having part 2 available, for many a reason. I'm rather proud of how everything connects between the two parts though, so hopefully it'll be worth it!

You're welcome, it really was an excellent read! And I wouldn't worry about it, it's very hard to get traction when it comes to writing on FA, which is why the Prompt is so good to get stories actually read. As for the ending, this is a complete story in itself, but it would be nice to see a continuation, not sure how they can come back from this one as a couple though!

I certainly try not to take any lack of traction too hard, but the prompt has been very refreshing! Finding a place where writers actually read each other's work is so rare!

The idea of this being the complete story makes me sad...I really gotta get part 2 progress moving again. xD

Absolutely, and you definitely should!

Is it bad if I was hoping for a dark ending like that? I didn't really think it'd go that direction since it is part one and all, but I thought it was a most exciting twist, for sure!

Wow, thanks for reading!

And hey, no problem with liking dark endings! I'm glad you liked the twist too.

My only regret is not having read through it sooner, if I'm to be honest. I am very much looking forward to part two.

Awww, that made my day. Thank you.

Now this was a thoroughly engaging and well-written story. Very good work indeed! Conflict, in whatever guise, is often said to lie right the heart of all great storytelling – and whoo boy, your narrative has it in spades!

The scenes are all so well-imagined and visceral; I can really visualise myself in each of them. The descriptions are detailed without becoming overbearing, and from the terminology you use – some of which was unfamiliar to me – it's clear that you have some familiarity both with those great two-handed swords, and the various ways they were used in battle. The transformation sequences were also really good!

We immediately feel for both of the main characters, and I think your silky-smooth dialogue has a lot to do with achieving that. Their love for one another carries palpably, which makes the escalation to the final climax so much more tragic. I really like the way Naya comforts and supports Gareth during the first half of every day; the way you characterise Morning as yet another enemy to Garath is never really explained, but then it doesn't actually need to be – the intrigue of it works just fine. It's a really interesting and unusual element to include.

The God of War is a supremely cruel and vengeful deity, now isn't he? Gareth's curse is a terrible thing indeed.

The piece had a really good pacing and flow. Fantastic story! I just hope there's a Part 2 in the works.

You're so kind. Thank you so much for such a wonderful response. It means a lot. ;-;

It's especially reassuring to hear that some of the stuff I was really working on, like descriptions and pacing, seem to have paid off for you. I worry often about the quality of all the things you complimented, so I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to hear that you liked them. It's always nice to have my self-concious fears dissuaded.

There will be a part two, which will also be the final part. I've been trying to prioritize working on it a little more lately now that some life stuff has passed, so hopefully I'll be able to get it done in a somewhat decent time frame. Drafts have been written.

Again, thank you so much. Made my day.

I picked up from your intro that this was a redrafted chapter, but even if I hadn't seen that statement I'd have known immediately that this was not an early draft. It's just too polished for that; you clearly care about your craft. I respect that whenever I find it in a writer.

Your journal reminded me that I never finished reading through your stuff… whoops :)

Anyhow, I very much enjoyed it. There’s something about a tight, character driven narrative culminating in a single, ultra bloody fight scene that I absolutely adore. Always carries a varying mix of catharsis, rage and sorrowful tragedy.

I could visualize the fight extremely well too; though the fact I’m someone who will literally binge watch videos of individual fight scenes probably helps me in that regard.

In addition, you write anxiety very well. It feels raw and relatable without overdoing it.

Take your time to polish Part 2 like a diamond. I’ll definitely be back when it’s done.

Hey thanks so much for giving it a read! I really appreciate it.

I watched and read a lot of those individual fight scenes to get it somewhat right, and I'm glad to see it's paid off a bit. There will certainly be more of that.

With regards to writing anxiety, it certainly helps to have experience. Lol.

I think I cannot find a more underrated article, more must see this...this is simply...I can't put it in English, nor my native language. Words fail me here. Just...beautiful, and so perfect.

Your words touch the heart, and they convey emotion and immersion I have never felt before. A swarm of pain, wrath, confoundedness, grief, indignance, washes me over as I read, an incomparable experience I have not felt for so long. Your words are indeed so very visceral, to the point of a near cinematic experience, each frame coming alive.
As Anhedral said, the pacing is indeed very well controlled: brief as if hurried, yet also not too long it would lose its grip; detailed where it should be, and vague where we should imagine. Dialogue befits each character so very well. Indeed hard to put down, with an excellently placed twist before the climax, though not without a bit of implication before it...

Of all pains, betrayal is perhaps the most painful, a tearing mixture of pain, confusion and disbelief. So at last the God of Peace lost patience and made a move...for an ideal. Like that quote from Oppenheimer: "Our work here will bring peace mankind have never before seen." Is it wholly so? A semblance, perhaps. "Si vis pacem, para bellum" indeed. My history teacher once told me that history is oft a subject that looks at results, not the process. Results may be beneficial, yet the process may bring unprecedented pain, like childbirth. All that I can imagine shall come next is a full on war.

I have to study how you describe action scenes...I always have trouble with that.

As I see it, it is perhaps their love that sowed the seed of their tragedy. A paradoxical, conflicted and burdened love, a timed bomb set to burst at some point when one of them at last can bear the stress no longer. It is waiting that you induced which brings so great an anxiety, an underlaying anxiety beneath the wholesomeness.

So did Naya really betray Gareth? Was it his free will, or was it something else? If he made the decision...he too suffered its consequences. Now two cursed souls chained to the pillar of torment.

Alas, what a painful tale. But so good, too. I hope I do not have nightmares about this. Be not hasty with part 2, though I eagerly seek to learn what is next.

I quite sympathize Naya. How could he be so tender and so cold...

And, this must be said:
OUCH. THIS HURTS SO BAD.
Oh, and sorry for this being so long. I had to be, you know? Hehe.

Wow, thank you so much! That really made me wag my tail. I'm so glad you noticed a lot of what I was trying to do with the story, and that it inspired so much thought and analysis for you.

It's a painful story, for sure. I've sometimes worried about how people might be affected by it since the story explores the greatest fears of people who are afraid of how their situations affect the people around them. I hope the next parts will at least provide some closure for those people.

No, thank YOU for sharing such an excellent tale! The pain of it stayed with me for half an entire day...
Well...I am super looking forward to the next part.👍👍😊

My skin was raised almost the whole time! In awe! I was absolutely enamored with the way the relationship was shown! Fantasy gods in old times like these make for some of the most testing scenarios one could experience!

Thanks for reading! I'm glad it evoked such a response. ^_^ Gods may be overplayed in a lot of fiction, but I think when they're used wisely and they mean something they can still be quite testing, indeed.