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![Bird Shortage [Thursday Prompt 06-08-23]](http://d.furaffinity.net/art/morning-mist/stories/1686418262/1686418262.thumbnail.morning-mist_thursday_-_shortage.pdf.jpg "Click to change the View")
A retired pro avails himself of shifting labor market conditions.
First time in a while I've tried to write something shudders funny. As such, I would very much appreciate any feedback! Please don't be afraid to let me know if it doesn't work -- this is very much something I'm working on, and any pointers or opinions would be helpful ^w^
First time in a while I've tried to write something shudders funny. As such, I would very much appreciate any feedback! Please don't be afraid to let me know if it doesn't work -- this is very much something I'm working on, and any pointers or opinions would be helpful ^w^
Category Story / All
Species Rat
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 48.5 kB
People these days, never letting you finish a sentence. Terrible.
I'm very glad the story landed for you, at least somewhat. I feel I could've established some things more clearly, though. For example, in my mind, Luca turns down the offer because he despises the idea of strikebreaking for a dangerous job. In the text, I'm not sure that was communicates well enough.
If you're willing to share: do you feel like certain plot points would've benefitted from being stated more clearly (the bird strike, the rat's position on it, etc.), or do you prefer when it's implied in this contextual way?
I'm very glad the story landed for you, at least somewhat. I feel I could've established some things more clearly, though. For example, in my mind, Luca turns down the offer because he despises the idea of strikebreaking for a dangerous job. In the text, I'm not sure that was communicates well enough.
If you're willing to share: do you feel like certain plot points would've benefitted from being stated more clearly (the bird strike, the rat's position on it, etc.), or do you prefer when it's implied in this contextual way?
I thought the whole thing went over well; everything came across readily comprehensible and well described through the character's gestures and dialogue. I did have to give it a re-read, but that's more so because I initially read over it yesterday evening and couldn't recall all the details.
Really glad you liked the worldbuilding! I will continue to sneak small hints of crazy theorycrafting into my writing. (Especially involving birds. Man, do I have opinions about birds.)
Glad you enjoyed the story as well. In retrospect, I think my pacing was far too schizophrenic, which neutered a lot of the intended comedy. But I'm happy you got something out of it ^w^
Glad you enjoyed the story as well. In retrospect, I think my pacing was far too schizophrenic, which neutered a lot of the intended comedy. But I'm happy you got something out of it ^w^
It's funny -- the lines that landed best seemed to be the ones I put the least thought into. There's probably something meaningful there; maybe someone smarter than me could even figure it out.
I'm glad you enjoyed. I still think it's very rough, but getting a laugh is well and above what I was shooting for <3
I'm glad you enjoyed. I still think it's very rough, but getting a laugh is well and above what I was shooting for <3
Funny enough, the line that got me to laugh was the description "The Foreman said nothing, louder". That tickled me.
Anyway, your character dialogue is wonderful! That's what struck me the most here. I could practically hear the tones of their voices and that was really cool.
Anyway, your character dialogue is wonderful! That's what struck me the most here. I could practically hear the tones of their voices and that was really cool.
*laughs... 44 years in aviation, and I think you summed things up quite nicely, and yes I was smiling quite loudly...
I have worked with both 'scabs', and 'good union brothers', and I'll take the first over the second any day of the week. Like everything, however, once upon a time, the union was the only road to fairness, but it got very mch corrupted. Talk to some old Pan Am or Eastern workers, and listen closely. That's not to say I was NOT treated badly under the non-union companies - they're just as bad.
welcome to the prompt...
Vix
I have worked with both 'scabs', and 'good union brothers', and I'll take the first over the second any day of the week. Like everything, however, once upon a time, the union was the only road to fairness, but it got very mch corrupted. Talk to some old Pan Am or Eastern workers, and listen closely. That's not to say I was NOT treated badly under the non-union companies - they're just as bad.
welcome to the prompt...
Vix
Oh, wow! I never expected to reach anyone who had actual, like, knowledge about this. So glad you enjoyed!
Your experience is fascinating to hear. I only know what I've read, and what I've read tends to be biased towards the union's side or the scabs. Sounds like it changed very much over time. I'd love to hear those stories, both from you and others, from how it was under union and non-union.
Thanks so much! And thanks as well for your work in organizing it. Seems like a great community ^w^
Your experience is fascinating to hear. I only know what I've read, and what I've read tends to be biased towards the union's side or the scabs. Sounds like it changed very much over time. I'd love to hear those stories, both from you and others, from how it was under union and non-union.
Thanks so much! And thanks as well for your work in organizing it. Seems like a great community ^w^
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