Blackberries are, you know... nice. Black raspberries are ambrosia. They're sweeter and more flavourful than blackberries, less tart than typical raspberries, and they're super nutritious. There's just one teensy little problem: they're bent on world domination, with the termination of humanity as a stretch goal/target of opportunity.

Black raspberries are aggressively invasive. Their canes 'walk', for a start; anywhere they touch the ground, they quickly take root and start sending up new canes. Keep the canes trimmed, and that's no problem—they also send out runners. Once you have these magnificent bastards, you have all of them, and you have them for good.

But the real treat is the thorns. Generally speaking, raspberries just want to defend themselves. Black raspberries, on the other hand, want to kill you. Something about the size, shape and grouping makes these thorns especially vicious. They don't just stick you; they let you reach into the bramble, then they grab you and hold on like stabbing, burning, hate-filled Velcro. If you pick these berries, you will pay for them in blood, and that's a fact.

Ow.