I know most people think if a pack and think wolves or werewolves... And they'd be mostly right. But I have a roleplay server that I have 3 characters in and it's died off. I'm still in it but... That doesn't mean it's alive. The two owners who happened to be the Alpha and Luna of the pack were in a long distance relationship. They recently moved in with each other. I'm really happy for them. They deserve this after all that they've been though... It's just... There's been no action on the server for about a year now. Nothing besides myself. I hate to admit it but I got attached to how everything was. I loved how it felt so alive. So charged with emotion that everyone made their characters feel so alive... But now it's a waist land... The owners want to retire their alpha characters and have other alphas be promoted. And that kinda change scares me. How will it effect the normal. How will having those characters be retired effect my characters, the story and overall atmosphere of the server...

I know it dying is partially my fault. Having my ex (at the time gf) have a hissy fit about one of my characters getting into a fictional relationship with another character. That put some strain on the server. Then I had a friend join the server. It was... A bad decision... Everyone felt depressed and we ended up having to remove him from our, now damaged, sanctuary. We couldn't escape as we did before...

I know that people got busy with moving and jobs and their personal lives... But I just can't seem to shake the thought that maybe I'm the one who killed the server... Was I too active? Did I reply too fast? We're my characters just too important to me... There were so many storylines hat hadn't finished yet... They were good at starting them but unlike me they weren't so good with ending them as a new story would have to happened again when reviving the server from a hiatus...

I could make my own server... Then I'd be in charge of a beast that could either die before it had a chance to get going or it just spins out of control with toxicity and drama... I would need it to already exist or someone else to take the reigns... But nothing seems to feel the same from the servers I've visited. Everything seems world's apart and it fills me with the feeling of homesickness