A very difficult feeling for me? / Condition??
In my life, jealousy was constantly taboo, and on my own initiative. It always seemed to me that jealous people are controlling, "bad" people who hurt their partners and friends.
It was always scary to be the same "bad" for those I love, eh
In addition, there were people in the past who told me that this is all very, very bad and feeling this is also not good.

My psychotherapist once said "it's just a feeling, not good and not bad, a feeling, like everyone else." And in general, yes, probably
Jealousy is a thing that signals certain problems, and it should be taken only as a signal, it seems to me

Today I once again thought about it, read articles in English
Everywhere they write that jealousy is directly related to insecurity and low self-esteem, this gives rise to envy, and envy - jealousy (as far as I understand, I can be wrong, of course)

I'm on my way to accepting that sometimes I feel like this. Yes, I have problems with self-esteem, and yes, I can be very scared that the person close to me will prefer someone else.
I must admit that this is normal, normal in my situation, in such circumstances and under such conditions.

Of course, this does not mean that it is normal to blame another person for something, based only on your fear, or to look for this very justification in personal things, etc.

I'm still terribly ashamed and scared, to be honest .. although I have never committed any serious misdeeds on the basis of jealousy, and even frivolous ones, too .. at least at the age at which I remember myself. I always just suppressed it in myself and did not say anything to anyone, did not harm anyone. I just had a hard time with it myself.

And more m
I am ashamed to feel angry at the "third" person, one, the other, people whom I don't even know. It's just scary that it's more fun with them, more comfortable with them, better than with me.
Eh

I drew a picture with my feelings, for me jealousy feels like something very heavy in my chest, like a solid substance, a thick substance that smoothly materializes and slowly pulls down. Sometimes there are red needles of anger, but more often just blackness