“Well I nearly pulled out this screwdriver that someone had stuck in this big metal ball, but the tech screamed at me for it so I left it alone.”

"So this guy comes up to me on the street and he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days. Well, I knew what he meant but just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein. And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over and I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?" But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, you know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation. Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?"

“I saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Geico.”

WINNER

"Other than being accidentally blown up, brain recovered and kept alive, a body cloned and then transferred into, and then the best sex in my life... nothing much."

the Real strange thing is it happend a second time this week.
Even the same way to blow myselfe up. I never use Hairdryer from Apple again.

Vaporeon copypasta uwu

“Blood for the Blood God.”

Skulls for the skull throne.

Milk For the Khorne Flakes

> Insert typical, loud belch here <

https://youtu.be/Uks5b_K1CVc?t=73

I met a popular internet furry artist in person and we had a conversation that wasn't about furries or smut.

"I watched some guy only take up one space with his truck"

Ḧ̸͈͍̓͆́̌E̵̛͎̥̬̰̭͇̮̪͍̻̥͒̈́̽͛͛̋͂̓̽̚͝ ̵̡̡̲͔̇͑̾͌̈́̃̐̀̆̚͝C̸̨̹͔̜̜̙̙̜̿̇̒̒̓̐̉̓̾͜Ó̷̬̗̟̩̲̬̓̓̿́́̊̂̂̋̏̽̎̉͘ͅḾ̴̧͈̼͕̫͎̾͛̾̄̀̾́̃̈́̍̄̚̕Ē̴̢͎̻͎̹̟͉̳͖͖̬S̸̡̮̘̊̃̈́͑̆͋̑͘̚͠

I found several conections between a big current politic and the Terroratacks of 9/11.
If something happend to me. i place a SD card in your old highschool looker.
the pin was you KD rate in COD. The password was the horsename of your Sister and the name of your plushy tiger.
And sorry. They most liket will also catch you. If they ask you about me. Just tell them i was high on LSD we both take all the time. I also spice you drink with a microdose LSD for 3 Weeks so they can found it in your fur.

“Skibidi dum dum dum yes yes”

I made the mistake of watching the news and was blasted with political crap and country division, so thought the best state to be in, could be achieved here in the bar. And that's being inebriated

"Pee comes from the balls."

I met a Chinese dude that spoke Aussie with a Texas accent