This was originally uploaded to DeviantArt on April 7, 2023.

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It is now April 7 again. Today, I've turned 28 years old.

I still happily celebrate my birthday, and I will today and this weekend, but this one, in stark contrast to the subject matter in this piece, carries some weight to it. About a month and a half ago, my Grandma passed away just a week before her birthday. I haven't been 100% health-wise since; nothing concerning, but the impact is still there. She was my best friend, we loved each other very much, and we didn't need to be in the same physical space to know that. I'm mostly at peace knowing that she is no longer in pain, dealing with so much, but the loss and pain of continuing life without her is difficult. There have been many times since her passing that I've wanted to talk to her, simply reach for my phone and send her a text, or fill her in on how things have been, as I always have. But that's not possible anymore. I have three primary routes to get between home and work, and two of them pass right by her house. It's difficult to go to a couple places knowing how often I went to them with her, mostly for doctor's appointments, but they were with her.

While I write this description, I'm emotionally stabilized and alright overall, and I will be going forward. I knew it wasn't going to be long for her, it was pretty hard to know how long that was. My Uncle was optimistic, while my Mom was pessimistic, and frankly, more believable. While my family lives outside of Florida, my Mom, brother and I lived just a couple minutes away, so we helped take care of her for just about everything. We saw how she degraded over the past year, but at her age, and everything she's ever gone through, it gave me more reason to feel a little more at ease knowing that her time was coming. You can try to prepare yourself for loss, but you never are truly prepared for it to happen. My Grandma was someone I could talk to about anything, as she could with me. She helped me learn to swim, she helped me with schoolwork on multiple occasions, and was the one who hooked me up with many of the fun toys and tech I have, among other things. I'm still glad to say that I have the DS Lite, DSi, and iPod touch 5 that she had bought for me over the years; they certainly hold very high sentimental value to me now. She loved the title of "Grandma," and she treated everyone she met with the same love, care, and respect as if they were her own children. If you ever got to meet her, no doubt you would be treated the same way.

As I had done for the past few years, I wanted to once again do something relating to inflation, or being a balloon, but seeing as recent events have cast this shadow over my family and I, it was one that I wanted to try and make sentimental and reflective. So that's what I did, just sitting on a cloud, staring into the empty skies above. Maybe thinking I can see the angels of my Grandma, my Dad, my Grandpas from up here. Thinking of having to navigate life without her, when I haven't made alot of progress in life as is, it both makes me feel like a disgrace, and to know that when I can and will achieve something, when I move out, get married, she wouldn't have been around to see it. The last link to my Dad, the one who has been regularly in my life for the past 15+ years. It's hard. It's very hard.

However, life goes on. It's all I can do. Try to take care of what remaining family I have next to me, pull myself together and do something more for me that'll put me on a stable path. One where I and those around me are happy, not marred by stress or depression. I'll do my best, we'll do my best. It's what my Grandma would've wanted. I love you to the moon and back.

Thank you for looking and reading, and sorry this wasn't as cheerful as you might expect; I hope you can understand.