I just came here and saw your drawing on the browse page. Looks like it's a fate for us to meet again on different sites :'D

Hahah man I didn't expect to meet you here again! XD That's actually funny! Maybe it's fate, what a coincidence! I'm really happy to see you here!! :D

Same! XD (this is what happens when you have an account on almost every art site you can find...)
And welcome to FA! This place can be weird sometimes, but I hope you enjoy it here! c:

Thank you :,D I'm preparing to delete my DA account so it's a bit of an escalation, searching for alternatives (still funny that we manage to somehow meet on every site we join!) XD Haha yeah I heard that this site can be weird but considering how DA is declining right now I think FA is acceptable :D There is noone on DA that is importent to me anyways, except you and a few others, so fuck it!

Oh I understand! Many times I thought about deleting my DA accounts too, or at least deleting/hiding all my drawings... but it's still so emotionally heavy to decide to do this after all the years. But I have also been looking for a new place for a long time, and it seems that FA has become a good alternative, although I did not expect it to be so :D but it's usually nice here, and I'm glad that I found you!

Yes I totally understand! I feel the same. It really is hard. It became such a habbit to spend time there (especially after 8 years being on there) but it's rather depressing now. Just staring into the void. No interactions, bots, porn, AI garbage and also one sided political shit that is constantly shoved in your face. And there is another really personal reason I want to leave. Similar to your case years ago, I think you know what I mean. But yeah it's hard (feels almost laughable not being able to finally delete it :´D) But for now I won't upload there anymore and think about it. In your case it's an even harder decision I understand that! But yeah DA is a lost cause in my oppinion. And sorry for replying so late, had a bad migraine yesterday -.-

Yes, it's really sad to see what DA has become. For me, coming back to it again and again has also become a kind of habit. And also the thought that among all these bots and empty accounts there are still some people who like my art… actually, it feels like some kind of unhealthy relationship, when you already understand that it’s over and there’s no point in staying, but at the same time you’re held back by habit and memories. So yes, I understand this, as well as I understand having a personal reason (I wonder what's happened, but I don't know how appropriate it would be to ask about something so personal ^^')

Anyway, I hope FA will be better for you! At least there is no AI here XD
(and don't worry about replying quickly! I myself have little social energy or feel too bad to read and think properly, plus I like to think that on the Internet you can be quite slow and return to a message even after a long time, it will not disappear c:)

I think the comparison to a unhealthy relationship is perfect! It really feels like it. Almost compulsive. You go there and only come back with negative feelings but the next day you go there again and don't even know why (sometimes it's so bad that I check my phone like 10 times a day in the hope of intereaction and nothing ever happens :,D). Yes it really is shitty to have all these empty accounts and bots. I never had many followers on DA but from the 39 there are maybe one or two are active in the sense of liking shit (don't care about likes and follows but if someone follows, it would be nice if the person followed because they actually do it out of interest and not only follow for follow or bots) I wonder how it is for you? What percentage would you guess are actually interested from your followers?

Oh yes memories play a big role too! The feeling to not to be completely alone. When I first joined there it almost felt like a digital home/escape. I think this is a huge thing to get over and accept that it's gone.

Oh no it's completely ok to ask! :D I mean we aren't complete strangers anymore. We talked so much and you told me your situation too. If anything I appreciate that you ask :) I can tell you but I don't really want to do it in a comment section. It really was traumatic and I don't want random people to read it. I don't know, if you like we can continiue in DMs. Don't know if there is a private chat here but maybe on DA or Inkblot? Only if you want of course. I don't want to be annoying XD

Thank you! I like it here for now. It's chill and of course, like you said, no fucking AI! And thanks again, that is nice to know that I don't have to stress out about replying quickly (of course same to you)! I tend to get nervous. You know the after glow anxiety after sending a message and overthinking it xD But we allready talked about that so we know how we are :D

And PS: I really missed our endless comment chains xD Hope that doesn't sound to weird but I like talking to you!

I once heard a comparison like that from someone and I also find it very accurate! I think for me this is also true for... so many things, yeah. Sometimes for art in general, as I really put too much into it.
It's probably easier to leave when you don't have many followers, at least there is no illusory hope that there are people who still care about your art and who are waiting for it... I honestly don't know how many of them actually care. Those I know follow me on other sites too, a lot of them left DA and moved to other sites. So I think those who are really interested in my art will find me ^^

Oh, I know DA since I was a teenager, and I think some part of me still feels like a child for whom sharing art is a kind of special and magical✨ form of communication :D even if the other part of me is a deeply frustrated, pessimistic and grumpy old man who thinks that none of this makes sense or works.

Okay! There are notes here on FA too - it looks like ✉ next to the watch button (or maybe this link works - https://www.furaffinity.net/msg/pms/ ). I wouldn't like to talk about anything personal in public either.

It's okay, I understand! 💙 I'm nervous too, and overthink things really a lot. Plus my condition and energy level are always unstable, sometimes I feel much better and become unusually encouraged and/or talkative, but then the depression comes back and I lose touch with reality. Sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months. I can never predict how it will be next time, so I try to live with the idea that it's great if I was able to do something or talk to someone, but it’s still okay if not.

And I'm glad to hear (read XD) it! I also like talking to you for some reason ^^

Yes exactly this comparison fits for many things unfortunately! It's this mechanism that it feels better to stick to a situation/relationship etc. that you are used to even if, in the end, it is really destructive and contraproductive.

You are right! I'll probably better leave. Just have to get in the mood or get the "courage" to push through with this decision. I hate these thought spirals that really disable you. It's like overthinking it to the point where you are unable to do anything anymore (again for so many situations in life). Overwhelming.

Of course! You are easy to find and remeber (in a positive way!) :D Your artstyle is really recognizable too. Even if I see drawings without vaerafes or only landscapes I allways know it's you!

I can only completely agree with your statement about the ambivalence of still having the feeling of magic and total pessimism and frustration! I feel the same about it. For me it's like 10 percent "magic" and 90 percent fuck it, there is no point. But if there is only 1% left I'll probably continiue to upload. However I'll never stop drawing even if nobody will ever see it.

Oh! then you are a lot longer on DA than I! Can imagine that for you it must be a lot harder to leave then. But fortunately we have each other on other sites :D Think I joined when I was 20.

Ok nice! Thank you, I'll try the link later. Will write you a message maybe today, if not tomorrow. It's a long story but I'll try to break it down as much as possible. Even if I would talk to you directly in person it would take ages XD

Thank you for understanding :) Yeah I mean I know how you tick and vice versa. Really deep depression holes come unannounced. I'm allways depressed. It's like background radiation. And then there are depressive phases on steroids which completely fuck you up. I completely understand how you feel and it's ok if you cant answer for weeks or even months. I sometimes struggle to answer a simple two liner text on my phone let alone calls. But I'm glad that we are talking again :D And if it only lasts for a week or two then it's also good!

We are both are unstable in that regard and at least we know about it!

And normally I'm not talkative at all. It really depends on the person. Most of the time I say nothing and listen when I'm in a situation with people around, which is rare anyways XDD

Haha thank you :3 Yeah hear me out XD I'm glad that you like talking to me too! That's nice to know since I allways feel annyoing or weird :,D

Yeah... a situation where it is difficult to determine when destructiveness prevails over positive experience... like, it may hurt or disappoint, but it still gives you something you need. Or at least an illusion or memory of it. A very typical trap to get emotionally stuck in, especially if you are already an anxious and overthinking person. I mean, I'm such a person too, so it's not always easy for me to understand when I'm overthinking and have a bad feeling just because it's me and my internal processes, and when there's really something wrong on the outside and I really need to make such a decision. So yes, I understand these thought spirals very well! It definitely takes courage to finally stop this and do something.

But as for DA, my feelings and my situation about everything connected with it, the point is that leaving DA is unlikely to change anything for me personally. Changing a specific place, including online one, doesn't change anything if me, other people, the community and circumstances as a whole remain the same, in both positive and negative sense. There are some personal reasons too, including such small things as the fact that I don’t want to lose my collection of favorites :D but besides all this - yes, DA sucks, and I understand the desire to get out of there completely.

And yes, I feel the same way about "10 percent "magic" and 90 percent fuck it"! I think I will also stay as long as at least a tiny part of this magic still lives in me. Perhaps also because of some kind of stubbornness... and I'm glad to know that despite everything, you still continue to upload your art and communicate c:

Okay! I feel a bit awkward because of my curiosity, but I'm here if you need to talk ^^
And don’t worry even if it takes ages or if you can’t reply at all! When living with depression, slowness sometimes feels more like a good thing... for example, it’s so typical for me to finally understand what I want to answer months later, when the person who asked me has already forgotten about it :'D so text communication may be good because there is always the opportunity to re-read and remember everything we talked about (although it's always so cringe for me to read everything I write, heh)

Yes Illusion is the keyword! It's often an illusion or a fata morgana on the horizon and you are so mesmerized by it that you forget what it's true form is. The illusion may look beautiful but it hides the ugly truth, that it's damaging you "behind your back".

I completely relate to not knowing if it's only you, your feelings that don't reflect reality or if you are actually on the right path. Like a gut feeling. Oftentimes it's right and protects you but like you said if anxiety and overthinking is in the game, there is a chance that even a gut feeling may be wrong. But personally I still listen to it because it was overwhelmingly right than wrong in the past.

Absolutely! I don't know if you can relate but oftentimes I overthink something to death and in the end push a decision through out of affect. And then after you pushed through you again overthink, if it was the right decision :'D But then it's too late.


I understand that leaving DA wouldn't change anything for you! It didn't really change anything for me too. I only got rid of that personal problem. But you are right! Everything that has to do with the core "problems" of being on the internet, art sites, negative and positive, stay the same. There is no place that meets expectations. Especially for people like us.
It wouldn't make sense for you to delete your account, you are right!

This site isn't better than DA just a bit different and at the same time pretty similar.

I'm glad that you also stay as long as there is a tiny spark of "magic" left :D Maybe it's a good thing that keeps us going, maybe like you said an illusion. But as long as I still can communicate with you and the few other people I care about it's probably more good than bad :)

Hahah you don't have to feel awkward :3 But I know that telling you this has zero effect on not feeling awkward (wouldn't have an effect on me too). I feel awkward too, telling you the story :'D I hope there will come a point in the future where we don't feel awkward talking to each other anymore haha xD
I noticed that the awkwardness level is skyrocketing when I talk to people I like ^^'

Thank you man! I really appreciate that I can talk to you. And same goes for you! If you want to get something off of your chest I'm allways here too!

Oh god I know exactly what you mean! It's like it finally appears to you what you really want or wanted to answer after a long time. Suddenly it clicks in your head.

And thank you! Yeah I'm glad that you also have a tolerance for really late answers, since you know how fucked up depression is.

Haha fuck yeah the cringe after rereading your own messages XD It's bad. I avoid rereading my shit but can't abstain from it for long because overthinking. Sometimes it's so bad that my facial expression is changing from the embarrasment :'D

Such atmospheric art, I can almost hear the crackling of electrical towers and the chirping of crickets. Where is that place?

Hey thank you :D Really love your auditory description! It fits perfectly since it's supposed to be a late summer night on the brink of autumn. It's a place somewhere in east Germany. A blurred memory.