Got hurt feelings. Worst of em is how many memories I am alone with. They're hurtful but also full of profound beauty. There's so many memories I put to art, & so many I can't share- that if I did, it would make the hurt last longer for others. I love taking photos. I couldn't bear to try & cheat this moment with a photo. I wanted to remember it as clearly, beautifully, & painfully as it was. Where we huddled together in sun poisoned skin cos it was our first time, all of us, camping on the beach. The way the rain clouds cleared to that sweetly warm, nippy ocean wind tickling every hair of our bodies on the island. All of that joy & wishing it would never end, the warmth of your hand in mine- it's all right here. Accessible, without flinching. I wish I could share the warmth & love I was made to feel in those days & say it so with my whole chest. Some things are easier than others. I may not be able to show the world the beauty of the way you looked at me, needing me. At least I can share the stage I got to share that special day with you.

I am alone now, I will spend my whole life missing you. I wont ever let these treasured memories go, even if I had to. Not you. Not anyone. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

80% of the art I make I can never post & I gotta tell you, ooooooofffffffffffffffff uwx