To escape from this world. To escape from myself, my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings.

In the philosophy of my dragons and my own, the most important thing has always been warmth. But its meaning was much broader than the direct meaning of the word itself. It was not only the warmth of the body, but also the warmth of the soul. The light that each carried with them. Their feelings, kindness, love and hopes. It's what they share with each other to sustain them. It's what gives us all the strength to live and feel a part of it all.

A lot of people don't like the cold and winter. It is perceived by people as something bad, as a kind of synonym for loneliness. Something lifeless. I have always seen it as something else. For me, winter and cold gives more warmth than summer. Not to mention it's very beautiful. Because when we're cold, we reach for warmth, and especially for each other's warmth. How often do you want to hug someone in the hot summer? I think both of you will want to stop it as soon as possible, but in winter you will want to be as close to each other as possible. This is a time when you're more focused on each other than on the world around you, which no longer distracts you with its colors. After all, only when they disappear you begin to see these colors in each other more.

That's the philosophy I've always held. I consider myself a winter dragon and I have always wished only warmth for everyone, wished to give it to everyone. But perhaps my desire for warmth was a mistake. My mind still partially believes that the warmth philosophy is correct, but it probably doesn't apply to me. I feel that there is no warmth in me anymore. It is too fleeting and quickly leaves me with only burns. I feel almost no joy, as if that feeling has atrophied. For some reason, by giving warmth to others, I hoped that I could become part of this world, of this or that society, but I always grew up an outcast and never felt part of anything. I felt irrelevant, superfluous, harmful. This only made me more afraid of trying to get close to someone. Because I feel that by doing so I am forcing people to communicate with me, a communication they don't need. I don't want to disturb or harm anyone with my presence. So maybe the prospect of being cold isn't so bad. Maybe it's no longer worth trying to resist it and run to the warmth. It's worth giving the remaining warmth to it so that there are no more feelings, no more thoughts that torment and no more constant worry. To be a part of it. Child of the moon, child of the night, of winter and cold. It doesn't mean death, if that's what you're thinking. But I wish I could stop feeling. If I am no longer able to feel joy and happiness, I would like to stop feeling everything else.
But to give everything to the cold would be selfish. So I will give the rest of the warmth while they are still there to those who are near and dear to me. They're the ray of light that keeps me going. And hopefully those bits will keep them warm. I don't expect anything to change, I don't want to chase after warmth and hopes that I can be a part of this world again. I realize I'm already too broken and it's too late. I would like to find a refuge from all of this, to keep what little sanity I have left and at the same time do less harm to others.

Anyway, these are just thoughts. Some of them I'd like to get rid of. It's not wrong to give warmth to others. I hope with the coming of winter you will give it to each other and keep each other warm. Winter's not so bad. And the cold isn't that bad. It will bring some people closer together and motivate them to share warmth, and it will help others to find peace in their tranquility.

Music: Ólafur Arnalds - This Place Is a Shelter