Memories are hard this time of year. ~

Lorcan, showing how I feel...holding onto an old photo of an old friend who passed away.

I miss my friend, Gordare/Patrick so much. His death was such a shock, a pain i'll not shake off and haven't since 2006.

I had a motorbike accident not long before his passing. The last conversation was him asking me if I was okay, and that he had to go out later that night.

We were looking forward to talking again, i'll never forget saying that if he did his errands soon we could talk. Sadly, saying goodbye was the last time i'd ever talk to him.

Gordare was one of the kindest souls i've ever met in this existence. Losing him broke my heart and left a huge hole in my life.

He was killed in a car accident. I feel so guilty. If we had held on just 5 more minutes he'd still be here...just maybe one more joke before he left.

I lost my best friend.

I'll miss him forever...

That same year I had a friend, Kat, who ran away from home and college. We found her, I was so relieved. But things....happened. They had to take her after a few weeks into protection away from her abusive parents. I spent weeks losing my mind trying to locate her. When I did, I cried and hugged her so tight and told her i'm never letting her out my sight. So then when the police took her away, I didn't know i'd not see her again...so all I remember of her, is waving sadly from my college front gates while the Police took her away in the back of the car. I never saw her again. I miss her.

After my depression and everything that had happened in December 2006, I was then kicked out of College 'for my own safety'. My teachers had to let me go. They were afraid I was going to kill myself.

So they sent me home.

Much as it felt like I was abandoned, I couldn't keep up with the work. I was self harming, a shell of a person and not at all with 'it' and was becoming more and more a wreck.

I think if I had finished or had tried to finish college, I'd be dead.

So much happened in that month alone its all a tangled, fucked up mess I can't escape from.

I'm sorry to dump all this on you guys, but I needed to vent...

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Lorcan ©

Art ©