Attention! A lot of whining ahead! In fact, it's even easier for me to whine here, rather than in my native language... I guess it makes me feel less connected to it. Haha, I hate whiners.

First of all, I want to thank all for all people who continue to comment and message me despite my slow response time. Actually, I'm pretty chatterbox, but currently (let's be honest, it has been going on for almost two years now), I lack the energy to reply and react. I adore you all, and it's because of people like you who support me and don't judge me (I'm my harshest critic, haha) I still to hold on.

The year is coming to an end. But for me, it all continues... all my problems will carry over into 2024. Has it been a tough year, or already two? Perhaps this will mark the beginning of the third year.
I have trapped myself and cannot find a way out. I am drowning in art debts, financial issues. Clearly, I am unable to sustain myself through my creativity. But returning to common work is not an option for me since I hate drawing commercial art, and there are no projects that solely involve drawing animals. Or maybe my skill is not high enough for such projects. Perhaps I am already too exhausted to break myself, adapt to an employer, and endure discomfort.
I would gladly focus on backgrounds, but I have no time to create a portfolio or take courses.
A year of burnout. Thankfully, my skill exists autonomously, and somehow I have even managed to improve my skills. I have started drawing my own merch; I even have some ideas. But I won't make it until I finish everything else I have to do.
I am grateful to my patient clients who don't judge me or express dissatisfaction with how long I take to draw. I draw every day, from morning till night, without any weekends. But it's almost always very slow and overly meticulous. I still cannot ended a commission if there's something that I don't “like”. I have long waiting lists, and it weighs on me emotionally.
I constantly feel like everything will improve with my emotional state, and I will draw and solve my problems, but it never happens.
I love and hate my style. It brings many challenges; it requires a lot of energy, time, and skill. It's my own kind of swamp. I'm getting deeper and deeper into it.