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This took, FOREVER to write, but I'm reasonably pleased with it. It’s just a fluff piece but I was determined to push my writing style a bit.
I'll probably be writing more involving these characters, but I'm curious as to what people would like to see. More growth, transformations, or would you rather see the characters and setting fleshed out some more. Go ahead and share your thoughts, I really am curious.
I'll probably be writing more involving these characters, but I'm curious as to what people would like to see. More growth, transformations, or would you rather see the characters and setting fleshed out some more. Go ahead and share your thoughts, I really am curious.
Category Story / Muscle
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 13.6 kB
This is a great piece that is unfortunately restrained by a lot of grammar and logic issues. Your descriptions of his excitement for her and his transformation are awesome, but I was a bit lost at the end. I thought they were still out in the workroom of the gym and then there's mention of a closet. This just needs some proofing and polishing.
Yeah, I made a bit of a jump near the end where I skipped over some action and only alluded to what happened. I figured it was probably sloppy to do it that way but I just couldn't get the transition right. Still, this as intended as a writing exercise initially and I think I did make quite a bit of improvement over earlier works. I'm going to do a bit of research on dialogue and basic grammar and try to improve my next story further.
Actually, if you could note me a few examples of where I messed up and how, I'd be extraordinarily grateful. Not a full blown critique or anything like that, just a few examples so I have a better idea of what to look out for in the future. Might even make a couple of edits to the story, assuming I can do so without going through a major re-write.
Your time is valuable of course, so if you cannot do this I understand perfectly.
Your time is valuable of course, so if you cannot do this I understand perfectly.
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