If I just write and don't pay how does it look?
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
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\pard\sa200\sl276\slmult1\f0\fs22\lang9 It's a mirror, a vulpine face with a long scar, a mismatched gaze. One green, one blue. A sidearm, cold to the touch, the way shadows and a window full of stars twist and sparkle off the medals of a uniform. The nightmares and dark doubts aren't of Uman origin, they're a familiar phantom, one I've known well for decades now. Backed into the last corner of my career, four hundred and ten survivors of a 'war' depending on me, I had found myself unwilling to move the battlecruiser, drop the cloak. Too dangerous, not worth the risk, and ultimately futile to engage. Call me coward, traitor, weak, indeed my own first officer had, and after the fall out we had not spoken in over a week. He was desperate to learn the fate of his daughter, the rest of the crew was dead set of finding out what had happened to their own family members also, and under great pressure I knew I was losing the battle to keep control.\par
I tried to explain my reasoning, yet no one was listening. My adjutant, a wolf I had been back to back with in the second Human Uprising, whispered in my ear a plot of assassination, talk of mutiny, a growing belief that because my own family had been killed in a car crash seven years prior I was hiding in the galactic outskirts to save my own skin. Nothing to lose except my own position, they said. Delusions of restarting society as a dictator, they said. Ridiculous rumors began to circulate, that I'd found a class Earth planet, would land the ship and convert it into a palace, forge a crown from core drive crystals and because I had the fusion warhead codes declare myself a god because with those I could kill everyone.\par
Seventeen days after the annihilation of the Homeworld, unable to take the bullshit anymore, I resigned, turned over command to my first officer. In a shipwide announcement I gave a short speech. I was drunk, of course, yet even so it changed opinions in my favor, to my surprise.\par
"I have decided to surrender command to First Mate Tristan, a strong and faithful soul, who has recently expressed to me the misgivings of the crew, the doubt of my leadership, my worthiness to be captain in this most dark and confusing of times. As of now, I'm stepping down. All codes will be transferred, a complete renunciation of my authority is in effect. From this point forward all I will have is advice, if asked. If not you have my compliance, my silence if it is wished, and my hopes that his captaincy and the strength and tenacity of this crew lead to the survival of this ship. Thank you all."\par
En route to Homeworld the next day. I put my face in my paws and drank. I thought it a mistake yet had no rank, no say.\par
-\par
Third Mate Nesothalan visited, I poured him a glass of scotch, tossed my captain's hat into the shadow and gave him a lazy salute. "What?"\par
"You saved us all with that order. The hotheads call you a coward yet I saw it. There wasn't a chance, if we'd stayed we'd all be dead."\par
I laughed, the sound hollow and sad. "Now we've got a second chance. If their fleet is still there-though I'd guess it wasn't. Better things to do than haunt a world that isn't anymore. Tristan will give the crew the closure, at least, after that I don't know. Knowing him the next step is vengeance, yet a leaf can't force a hurricane to pay. Folly, but I'm a coward right?"\par
The chameleon shook his head, the pigmentation of his skin turning so dark in the shadows of the cabin he was a mere silhouette. "I came here to tell you not all of us feels as he does. The louder rank and file bark, but there's still faith in you. If we were to make a move...retake control...are you with us?"\par
I stared into the ember depths of the whiskey. "I just want this crew to survive. It's not about me, he was right about that, yet a good tactician knows the only way to learn wrong from right, when you're so convinced war is the only answer, is through mistakes."\par
I paused, chuckled bitterly. "If the time comes, I'll be here. Half of me hopes Tristan is correct. I don't hope he fails."\par
Nesothalan touched my shoulder. Hard to read the eyes of a reptile, yet for once his gaze was focused. "I'll keep you updated Captain."\par
Before I could reply he faded completely from sight. I only knew he was gone when the door to my cabin opened and shut, the departure of an invisible phantom.\par
-\par
Bad dreams that night, a deluge, a flash of lightning, an adjutant with hat in hand. "Sir we have some bad news-"\par
Most of it is, when you really think about it. When things go right you pay attention, it's true, yet the value is less than half of the wages of chaos.\par
}
{\*\generator Riched20 10.0.22621}\viewkind4\uc1
\pard\sa200\sl276\slmult1\f0\fs22\lang9 It's a mirror, a vulpine face with a long scar, a mismatched gaze. One green, one blue. A sidearm, cold to the touch, the way shadows and a window full of stars twist and sparkle off the medals of a uniform. The nightmares and dark doubts aren't of Uman origin, they're a familiar phantom, one I've known well for decades now. Backed into the last corner of my career, four hundred and ten survivors of a 'war' depending on me, I had found myself unwilling to move the battlecruiser, drop the cloak. Too dangerous, not worth the risk, and ultimately futile to engage. Call me coward, traitor, weak, indeed my own first officer had, and after the fall out we had not spoken in over a week. He was desperate to learn the fate of his daughter, the rest of the crew was dead set of finding out what had happened to their own family members also, and under great pressure I knew I was losing the battle to keep control.\par
I tried to explain my reasoning, yet no one was listening. My adjutant, a wolf I had been back to back with in the second Human Uprising, whispered in my ear a plot of assassination, talk of mutiny, a growing belief that because my own family had been killed in a car crash seven years prior I was hiding in the galactic outskirts to save my own skin. Nothing to lose except my own position, they said. Delusions of restarting society as a dictator, they said. Ridiculous rumors began to circulate, that I'd found a class Earth planet, would land the ship and convert it into a palace, forge a crown from core drive crystals and because I had the fusion warhead codes declare myself a god because with those I could kill everyone.\par
Seventeen days after the annihilation of the Homeworld, unable to take the bullshit anymore, I resigned, turned over command to my first officer. In a shipwide announcement I gave a short speech. I was drunk, of course, yet even so it changed opinions in my favor, to my surprise.\par
"I have decided to surrender command to First Mate Tristan, a strong and faithful soul, who has recently expressed to me the misgivings of the crew, the doubt of my leadership, my worthiness to be captain in this most dark and confusing of times. As of now, I'm stepping down. All codes will be transferred, a complete renunciation of my authority is in effect. From this point forward all I will have is advice, if asked. If not you have my compliance, my silence if it is wished, and my hopes that his captaincy and the strength and tenacity of this crew lead to the survival of this ship. Thank you all."\par
En route to Homeworld the next day. I put my face in my paws and drank. I thought it a mistake yet had no rank, no say.\par
-\par
Third Mate Nesothalan visited, I poured him a glass of scotch, tossed my captain's hat into the shadow and gave him a lazy salute. "What?"\par
"You saved us all with that order. The hotheads call you a coward yet I saw it. There wasn't a chance, if we'd stayed we'd all be dead."\par
I laughed, the sound hollow and sad. "Now we've got a second chance. If their fleet is still there-though I'd guess it wasn't. Better things to do than haunt a world that isn't anymore. Tristan will give the crew the closure, at least, after that I don't know. Knowing him the next step is vengeance, yet a leaf can't force a hurricane to pay. Folly, but I'm a coward right?"\par
The chameleon shook his head, the pigmentation of his skin turning so dark in the shadows of the cabin he was a mere silhouette. "I came here to tell you not all of us feels as he does. The louder rank and file bark, but there's still faith in you. If we were to make a move...retake control...are you with us?"\par
I stared into the ember depths of the whiskey. "I just want this crew to survive. It's not about me, he was right about that, yet a good tactician knows the only way to learn wrong from right, when you're so convinced war is the only answer, is through mistakes."\par
I paused, chuckled bitterly. "If the time comes, I'll be here. Half of me hopes Tristan is correct. I don't hope he fails."\par
Nesothalan touched my shoulder. Hard to read the eyes of a reptile, yet for once his gaze was focused. "I'll keep you updated Captain."\par
Before I could reply he faded completely from sight. I only knew he was gone when the door to my cabin opened and shut, the departure of an invisible phantom.\par
-\par
Bad dreams that night, a deluge, a flash of lightning, an adjutant with hat in hand. "Sir we have some bad news-"\par
Most of it is, when you really think about it. When things go right you pay attention, it's true, yet the value is less than half of the wages of chaos.\par
}
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