Visually representing mental intrusions of repressed thoughts as shadow monsters, I can't think of a better piece to represent that. My whole life spent trying really hard to repress my gender identity. Even understanding the significance of the body dysmorphia and going on HRT, I still refused to think about gender and definitely didn't allow myself to 'be trans.'

When I got this piece, I was still with the partner who forced me off the hrt and constantly gave me percentage measurements of if I was masculine enough for her. I had to change my body and my presentation into something that I hated, in an endless pursuit of her approval.

I spent so long feeling like being comfortable in my body was just proof that I was failing her. It meant that, no matter what, I could never see my reflection and feel good about it.

I used to loathe my body and fear my gender identity. I used to resent myself for failing to be 'normal' and line up with the desires of a partner who got me into the relationship by lying and saying she'd be supportive of me.

I feel good in the mirror now. I mostly like how my body is, and I'm learning more and more to just allow myself to think about my feelings about it(Along with other things).

I no longer live with this terrifying shadow behind my reflection.

This art is still good to share though, as it reflects a big part of the journey I had.

Character: Amaiya
Owner:  Amaiya
Artist: Percy1839