She sighed, looking across the empty gym.

Well…it wasn’t empty, there were others exercising just the same as her.

Well…again, not quite the same as her but…

She wasn’t alone.

But it felt empty without.

Her.

If she’d even had this thought cross her mind, let alone affect her actions or mood, back when they’d first met, she’d have scorned herself internally, maybe even verbally. No chance she’d have ever accepted this kind of…feeling, back then; it was something that she’d needed years to come to terms with.

It had always been there, from perhaps the…second meeting? It wasn’t there at first but…it caught alight shortly after…and then, once aflame, it’d never gone out, even…even now.

They hadn’t seen each other in months; must’ve been coming up to a year now, and it wasn’t for lack of trying on her part, but it seemed that…she was being avoided. She had been coming to the gym every day in the hopes of just catching her; a few months ago, when it had felt like desperation, she’d been ashamed of it, but now. Now it was almost a forlorn hope; she was just going through the motions completely disaffected by the circumstances. She didn’t care if it looked desperate.

She was.

She’d finally realised and come to terms with how she felt and now…now she couldn’t even express it meaningfully. She’d gone to their house once but…she wasn’t going to invade the place and if she didn’t get an answer then she didn’t get an answer.

She…

She was sad.

It had always seemed like…well…at least to her it…had felt like…

They had never said anything…of course but…she couldn’t help but see how she’d always…treated her the same back as…confirmation that they had…well.

Felt the same.

…

…

Hadn’t they?

…

Was it really just spite and rivalry all that time? Was all that had been driving her counterpart to butt horns with her all that time just been…genuine distaste? She’d never really put the thought into it at the time really…she’d been too busy struggling with how she felt to even consider…how they might feel.

Had that feeling really been absent all along?

She set down the weights with a clang. Unusually careless for her.

She stared into the distance for a while, sweating gently from the exercise. She’d lost count of how many repetitions she’d done; it hadn’t mattered for months how long she spent here, or the amount she did, it was all just filling space and killing time.

And it was killing her.

The uncertainty was killing her.

She just wanted to know, one way or another.

Yes, one way would crush her utterly, and the other would, conversely, lift her, but either was preferable to where she stood now.

Defeat can be recovered from. Learned from. Victory is the satisfaction that we all seek.

This was neither, it was like treading water. It was exhausting, but she couldn’t just stop…and drown.

But it felt like she was going to.

Felt like she couldn’t keep going.

There was only so long she could keep…hoping.

And she’d rather live with…certainty. Again, one way or another.

She started walking towards the locker room; she’d been here hours. Far too many of them; must’ve been before lunch when she started.

It was getting dark outside of the windows now.