I failed. I'm sorry for being so weak & not going through with it, but it did not go the way I intended it to. A lot of what happened is very hazy, but I do remember locking myself in our backyard storage shed & letting the lawn mower run. I have no clue how long I was in there, but I also remember feeling the really bad burning pain in my nose, lungs, & eyes at one point. It got to the point where I had to shut the engine off & go outside, where I threw up & realized I failed. I feel even worse knowing I couldn't go through with it & I'm very sorry I had to put everyone through this. Even though this happened several hours ago, it still hurts to breathe & I may have to go to the hospital tomorrow.

I guess I owe everyone an explanation as well. The main reason why I want to die is because I've been extremely depressed & it's hurt me to the point where I am mentally numb. I can't feel anything & it's hurting me more, even though I can't feel it. It's obviously not a good way to live, which is why I'm tired of feeling nothing. The numbness led me down a dark path of drinking & smoking in hopes of feeling something, though it didn't work. I'm burned out from my job & life at home has been very stressful & I just want to sleep & never wake up. I feel like I've failed at being a decent person & I'm very sorry.

I'll try to update y'all about my situation as much as I can. In the meantime, I'm gonna take the rest of the week off to recollect myself. Sorry for being a failure to y'all. Goodnight now.