From the desk of Emmet Underwood

Dear Victor,

Can we talk? I'm assuming Victor is your adopted nom de guerre and not what your parents called you.

I wish to address some points of concern.

Firstly, might I say that based on what I've gleaned of your activities in other time periods, the pirate schtick does seem to suit you. May I presume that when you're not harrying innocent seafarers, you're tirelessly scouring the ocean in search of a rare, synthetic resource of tremendous value that you want all to yourself?

I suspect this because, to be blunt, I want it too, for reasons that are steadfastly scientific and unrelated to your temporal brigandage. I'd be more than willing to part with some of it; of course I will first require the return of my stolen property.

And while we are on the subject of legitimate usage, you may wish to reconsider the color of your "do rag." My assistant is of the firm opinion that red bandanas are a "Team Wombat" trademark, and we wouldn't wish to confuse the historical record.

(Unless you are suggesting by your sartorial choices that this is the type of story where the villain inevitably "teams up" with the heroes in order to fend off a greater threat. "I'm the only one who's allowed to defeat you," etc. In which case, I'm open to naming names.)

Yours,
- E.

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