“The Vegetable Lamb of Tartary remains a tale of uncertain veracity, but I can now confirm the utter worldly reality of the Turnip Bear of Arkansas. My correspondents assure me that this is a beast of gentle temperament, despite its formidable stature and forbidding demeanor, and that it sustains its bulk through photosynthesis supplemented by only a very minor consumption of beetles and prairie truffles. It is my earnest hope that my correspondents are correct in this.”