Art by  duskihorns
Original at: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57143914/
Link to Duski's Shy Boi piece that I mention: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/56254697/


So this is a very special piece for me, such that I actually cried when Duski gave it to me. That was kinda my intention when I commissioned it, but still... holy shit it hit like a truck.

A couple months ago I finally figured out that I'm nonbinary and that years of low-key wonkiness had actually been gender dysphoria this whole time. That let me start being deliberate about my gender expression, and one of the first things I realized was that I'd always wanted to paint my nails. I just hadn't let myself seriously entertain the thought because egg brains are goofy that way, and it ended up being one of my first bits of gender euphoria. More notably it was the first girl-thing I did that was publicly visible and couldn't just be taken off, so it kinda was a "coming out to the world" sorta thing for me. I wasn't just clearly gay, walking around with my husband. I was also visibly gender-spicy for the first time. (Nevermind the fact that I was immensely shy and anxious the whole trip to the store. And that I had to wear a rain coat that did NOT match my nails and completely hid the outfit I'd put together to make them "work." Stupid rain.)

Anyway, it only took me a few weeks to notice that euphoria is fleeting and hard to remember. And having been through a very painful and drawn-out discovery phase with sexuality, I knew how incredibly valuable it was that I was having fun this time around with gender. I wanted to preserve some piece of this experience, and I had the idea to commission this scene: my girl-self helping my boy-self paint his nails for his first time just like he's quietly always wanted.

I picked Duski as the artist because they inadvertently played a small but notable role in helping me figure all this out. They happened to post their "Shy Boi" piece the day all of this genderness was coming to a head for me, and it perfectly captured how I was feeling that day (girlish and shy about it). That nugget of relatability really helped get that ball rolling sooner rather than later, and I knew Duski would get the scene right because I knew this scene would resonate with them too.

And so here we are. This will be my little memento from a brief, beautiful moment in my life where I learned to love my whole self.

Happy Pride Month, everyone. And thank you, Duski!!! <3