Eggsperience 14

The starter towns can’t handle me anymore. I made bank from the GloomSpire Dungeon, but there’s nothing I really need to buy. Shockingly no clothes, armour or weapons really fit a twelve foot drider dragoness, especially one of my….ahem… personality. No starter shop is geared to take custom orders, and besides their Tier 1 Materials would be worse than my web silk anyway.


The only thing I can really buy through Flint_ is food. And that just makes me miss home. I’d give anything for a good pizza right now, maybe with donuts, chocolate chip ice cream, lemonade, chocolate buttons… Gargh, there’s so much modern junk food I miss like hell! Flint_ thinks it’s funny, since I eat so much, but ghosts don’t amount to calories and this body needs a lot of fuel.


I miss my fridge. My chair. My bed. Late phone calls, and weird websites. Midnight movie releases. Popcorn. Not from the theatre, but there was this little corner shop two blocks away that sold some weird japanese popcorn, salted shrimp flavour, it was crazy but now it seems heavenly. I basically dreamed of food all night, sprawled on a web hammock in the stables.


“Rise and shine Ms Adrakne- are you aware it’s afternoon?”


I woke to find Flint_ logged back in, which made it nearly a full day later- he worked tuesdays. But who was he to judge me? I languidly stretched, letting my nude huge frame wobble and clamber down, looming over him.


“Yeah- and? Should I have left without you?”


“Could’ve at least gotten breakfast, or dressed? Showered? Trained?” He poked at my slight paunch as my belly growled ferociously. Urk!


“I was sleepy- and I don’t need to train, I’m on eighteen strength now, I’m a physical specimen.” I tried to flex, but my musculature, if I had any, was lost amidst fluff, chitin, and scales. “C’mon, what’s the big deal?”


“I’ve sworn to accompany you and record your deeds, Lady Adrakne,” He snapped into RP mode, projecting his voice, “Not to be your Nanny- handle the day to day stuff when I’m absent, hm Gabby?”


He had a point. This might be my life for now, but it was still a game to Flint_, one he wanted to enjoy with me and to adventure. Fortunately, four arms means I can multitask pretty well by now, so I dressed and ate on the road to higher tier areas. Campfire Venison isn’t quite the doughnut-icecream-chocolate-shrimp-lemon-pizza of my dreams, but it did stop my belly growling for a while. We wrecked some low level goblins, ate a graveyard ghost, and blazed through the third main town and onwards!


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New hot Tales of Lore tip- while lower Reputation is awful in civilised settings, it can be handy with monstrous enemies.


Flint had persuaded me to try a bounty quest for Ogres, a cattle-raiding tribe holed up in some craggy bluffs. They’re not my first choice of prey- big chunky brutes who could tear straight through my webs- but that was his point. I’ve gotta learn to fight more than just ghosts.


Plus Large-sized enemies might have loot that could fit my generous frame.


Except, the chubby horned thugs didn’t attack me. Just waved and hollered- “OI, SPIDAH, THAT WEE GREY TWIG WITH YER?”

Flint bristled, drum-clubs at the ready, “Wee gre- me!? Excuse me sir, I and my companion will fa-”

“WAS WE TALKING TO YOU, SHRIMP!?”

High Reputation and charisma boy just got told to shut up? Hahaaaa! I scuttled up, cautious of the big level 17 Ogres, “Yup, he’s mine- my slave boy, my cook, baggage handler, all that weak stuff.”

“Hrrrgh, so no eatin’ him?”


Turns out, Ogres know how to haggle. Not that I was seriously going to trade Flint, but they liked gold and could sell me a Large Primal Club or Spear- caveman tier stuff, but my size- back at their tribe. Flint was even chill enough to let me tie a weak web around him for show, he likes discovering unorthodox quest solutions, and diplomatically heading for the tribe certainly felt novel. Large size gear, here we come!


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Extra hot tip- it’s not negative Reputation that the Ogres like.

In keeping with their mythical routes, and a certain other Franchise, it turns out that Tales of Lore Ogres put a great deal of importance and pride on one’s gut. So it was my…. Stature, they liked.


“Wow, they’re a whole culture of chubby chasers,” Flint wheezed, laughing until I webbed his mouth to mute him. He’s still laughing- I think he’s eating popcorn, irl, judging by his arm movements. Lucky bastard, leaving me to deal with the whole goddamn tribe.


Downside of assembling the Tribe is I cannot fight them. Ten level 17 ogres, a couple around level 20, and their Chief Bouldergut is frikking LEVEL 23! Numbers matter, so if I fight I’d get squished like a bug, and I’m not really into the absurd extortionist prices they’re claiming for crappy stone weapons. Which leaves challenging the Chief in a duel to claim their respect, close the quest and gain XP. Uh, not a fighting duel though, in classic ogre fashion it’s an Eating Contest.


Flint’s still laughing. I wish my belly would rumble more quietly. They’ve got like ten cows roasting on the campfires and the scent is making me almost drool. Urgh, what’s my issue!? Am I just not used to an appetite of this size? Fuck it, I’m hungry, and it’ll get xp too, let’s eat some cows and drink some beer!


And use my head, my intelligence, prove I’m not a savage. I’ll web up a cow early on and inject it with venom- soon enough, it’ll be easy drink when I tire out. Obviously Bouldergut’s fatter than me, he’s practically jello, but my size, taur build, and ridiculous rear means I’ve got more mass. Maybe a higher energy demand too? Ogres seem pretty sedentary.


Nom nom nom. I don’t have any pro-eating tips. Their chief is like a vacuum cleaner. I’m going to lose and have to hand over Fli-


Oh.


Skald Inspiration. I should un-web him.


Forget the intellect idea. Me cavespider. Ug ug. Eating roast beef with ogres to beating of primal drums. Me gonna win bone-club. Hate to admit it, but Flint’s “Rock” music actually suits the vibe really well. Bouldergut’s beginning to slow down, and my pre-prepared beef smoothie is still sitting in reserve.


I’m the fucking best. VICTORY!


Feel like I’m going to burst, but big loser Bouldergut’s finally tapped out and I’m still enjoying my feast. More beer, more buzz! Quest resolved, Tribe’ll focus on the woods and not the farms, and all diplomacy handled by yours truly. Flint levelled up and logged out, so guess I’ve got a day to kill hanging around here. No reason not to get wasted on free booze and then take my pick!