Lots of description can affect the pacing of a story. The lead up felt very long for such an abrupt ending. I do like how you introduced a number of unanswered questions.

Yeah, I kind of went overboard on this one and not a lot really happened, especially when I cut it off before the big reveal. I had originally planned to unveil what was behind the door but I woke up this morning feeling a bit ill so I just took some medicine, wrapped it up, and went back to bed for a bit *nervous laugh*.

Regardless of this one's shortcomings, I do very much appreciate that you'd take the time to read over it, thanks much for that.

And that's the curse of prompts. Taking the time of a tale. Why I don't do them. Rest up. Writing in a mangled haze never helps either.

In my head, it all sounded neat though I can certainly still see why both of you might say it dragged a bit. Perhaps I should have held off and gave it a bit more of a thorough touch up but that might be a job for another time then.

Nevertheless, I'm grateful that the both of you would be willing to read over this and also point out what did or did not work out so well. Thank you very much to the both of you.

Remember short controlled bursts of action and description to build the scene.

Details is not description and is the difference there, as we thrive in thick description. Its less about description, here and instead how the sentences are not short controlled bursts oriented towards their purpose, rife with details that drown the flow. Long things that distract from the works purpose.

what they said, of course... This is why I so love the 365 challenge. It helps teach you how to get more with less, and which words you might normally use are superfluous.

On the bright side, I enjoyed it.

Vix

Doing more with less is clearly something I still need to improve on. Even so, I do appreciate hearing that you thought it was done well enough despite all the fluff.

Thanks much for having looked over this one, always grateful for that.

!!! I shouldn't be reading this so late at night, you sent some shivers down my spine, and now I need to try and fall asleep lol.

I enjoyed it, even if I'm reading it at the worst time to read something scary.

Someone's got some skeletons in the closet they need to clean up it seems.

I'm a bit tickled to hear you thought I managed a little bit of a spook here, I probably should have just gotten to it rather than harp on how friggin' cold it is. Nevertheless, I'm grateful that you'd read through this one, thanks much for that.

I like the creep factor in it.

If I may offer one suggestion that might help. You give a lot of scene description. You seem to focus on it, in fact. Try focusing on character description instead. That might help your problem.

Well, at least I got the spooky feel, though it probably took a while to get to it. Regardless, I appreciate the tip; I'll be more mindful of what to focus on next time.

I really appreciate you having looked over this one, very much grateful for that.

You're welcome. Keep in mind, I faved it for a reason. It is a good story.

A part II to one of the other story excerpts you did, I think?

Plot-wise, it worked out fine. However, I think I'm going to echo what others have probably said here: prioritization of description should fit the importance of what is being described, and it shouldn't become an obstacle to the flow of the piece.

Lots of boot 'clapping', too lol -- that one got a little worn out after about the second time.

Ugh, three weeks behind and I feel like I just complained in this one. Sorry ^_^;

A bit of a weak follow up to another one. To be honest, I'm not really sure what it was I was thinking as I was writing this one up. I think I was more focused on the ending and what comes after only to wind up cutting it out because I wasn't feeling the best at the time and just wanted to call this one done. Biggest problem with this one was probably the rushing at the end.

Despite this one's flaws, I do very much appreciate that you'd still be willing to keep up with these. I understand that you're busy, no need to apologize for anything; I actually very much appreciate that you'd point out what didn't work so I can hopefully fix it in the next one. Regardless, it means a lot that you'd simply glance over this, so thanks much for that.

I kind of agree that the descriptions probably consumed this one a bit. Not that I dislike the scene you painted, but perhaps having Noah finding it through exploration rather than just telling us everything. Still the ending was tense. I can't wait to see what Noah ran into.

I honestly don't even remember what exactly I was thinking going on about how it was "cold and misty and foggy and snowing and cold and did I mention it was foggy out" for this one. Definitely could have made do with cutting it just about in half if not more so. It does make me feel just a bit accomplished you'd say you thought I managed to bring out some tension in the ending though!

Mistakes aside, I'm grateful that you'd read over this one. Thanks much for that.