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Okay...I'll start with a little disclaimer (warning).
If you are uncomfortable \ inconvenient \ unpleasant to read huge posts, some reasoning or what called shitposting, you can skip a post, it's okay.
But I still would like to speak out.
In a short one. I'm tired.
I'm tired of carrying all the things that have fallen on me. I just want to lie down. I don't even want to sleep, I just want to lie there. This constant tension in almost everything, this endless cycle, when you try to pull yourself together and even have the illusion that everything works out, but then... again tension, again tears from the unbearability of this very tension and then again in a circle. Waking up with a small note of optimism and another attempt to convince yourself that this time everything will work out and everything will be fine. "You can do it!"
This fatigue ( even after a recent vacation) and tension remains. Tired that even with clear plans, they don't go as they should, tired of looking at unresolved problems (hello to all sorts of debts or apartment debts) because of this, it gets even worse.
The rest of the goals are also going in the same place (everything about appearance and my health).
And finally, this may come as a revelation, but I'm lonely. I'm fucking lonely. Even a very close relative calls me once in 3-4 months and that to criticize me, why am I still not married. Seriously?
- “Stop whining!”
-"Somebody else out there has it worse.”
And to be honest, I don't know how to get out of it.
I really want to “pull myself together”, to solve all the accumulated tasks, both financial and working, and to let go of a number of problems that just hang on me as a stone. But I don't know how to approach all this and what is the best place to start, so that I don't get fucked up again from my own powerlessness and unbearability of the situation.
So, that's it. To everyone who finished reading this post, thank you.
Yes, I will continue to work and draw. It's just... I had to express myself. Maybe, this sketch will go to Scraps folder later.
Have a good evening, everyone (ಡ‸ಡ)
Category All / All
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Size 2099 x 1755px
File Size 3.13 MB
You know, for many years I felt exactly the same way as you. I was very much a broken man for a long time. I wondered why things didn't seem to go my way, why I constantly kept screwing up, and why I had to keep living the mental agony I was feeling at the time.
In my case, my pain was caused by mental health problems. And to be honest with you, I still tend to feel them even to this day.
You see... I have Schizophrenia. And I felt as though it robbed me of everything I loved and wanted to do. I had to drop out of university and completely stop my education. My sanity was being slowly eroded away, filled with near constant hallucinations that never seemed to go away. And slowly I was robbed of the things I cared for, seeing my life crumble before my very eyes as I was helpless to stop it.
I saw my life fall apart and almost be completely destroyed. But in the end, Thanks to time, medicine, family, and faith, I was able to recover. I'm now much more stable - the voices don't tend to bother me as much. And I'm now in far more control of my life than I was. I'm going to be returning to college soon, and I'm even returning to writing full time again.
I understand your pain. It is completely valid. It is not something to be taken lightly, nor can it be downplayed. I know you've already heard people tell you that "Everything will be okay" before. But just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and no I don't mean by death. There's a chance that things will get better. And there is always hope so long as we decide to give hope a chance.
I hope to see more of your art. I really enjoyed it, and I hope to hear how you are feeling. I don't want to say "Be Strong", since you've probably heard that a million times.
What I will say is perhaps better: "Be well".
In my case, my pain was caused by mental health problems. And to be honest with you, I still tend to feel them even to this day.
You see... I have Schizophrenia. And I felt as though it robbed me of everything I loved and wanted to do. I had to drop out of university and completely stop my education. My sanity was being slowly eroded away, filled with near constant hallucinations that never seemed to go away. And slowly I was robbed of the things I cared for, seeing my life crumble before my very eyes as I was helpless to stop it.
I saw my life fall apart and almost be completely destroyed. But in the end, Thanks to time, medicine, family, and faith, I was able to recover. I'm now much more stable - the voices don't tend to bother me as much. And I'm now in far more control of my life than I was. I'm going to be returning to college soon, and I'm even returning to writing full time again.
I understand your pain. It is completely valid. It is not something to be taken lightly, nor can it be downplayed. I know you've already heard people tell you that "Everything will be okay" before. But just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and no I don't mean by death. There's a chance that things will get better. And there is always hope so long as we decide to give hope a chance.
I hope to see more of your art. I really enjoyed it, and I hope to hear how you are feeling. I don't want to say "Be Strong", since you've probably heard that a million times.
What I will say is perhaps better: "Be well".
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