Today was one of the hardest days of my life...

In August of 2007 after talking with a middle school counselor about something that I can't remember xD She mentioned having a litter of kittens to me and I immediately told my mother about them. And that evening about 7pm we went over to their place and saw all the kittens playing with one another in a baby pen. U know one of those octagonal ones that just give them space to crawl... So, we chatted with my school counselor who told us these were from when she went on a trip and brought the mother back who of which sadly didn't make it herself. She passed away after the kittens got to about 3 or 4 months of age leaving my consoler to take care of this small litter of kittens. So... we looked into the pen seeing all the kittens playing and then there was him. A small boy all by himself glaring at the wall of the playing area they all were in. The runt of the litter, I knew that was the one. I picked him because he was silly in his way of being so anti-social which matched my being at the time.

Years on he grew to be a real goober of a cat when he one day got out, his first of many outages by pushing screen doors open or tearing away at a screen to adventure outside. Daring but was always successful in his adventures. But the first time he got out he got trapped in our neighbor's garage where I lived for my entire school career. We believe he got a fear of bags from that place since he was redoing his garage and had plastic tarps up. But he got out and came home a happy boy. That year he got so many treats and good snugz. He propelled me through some very hard times in my young life, confusions, and frustrations. He knew when I was sad and down and would always come to me.

Many years on we had moved, he'd come with us hating the carrier every step of the way, but he grew used to his new home had a few more getting out moments but always came home and then he stopped trying to get out. He got very cuddly after a dog got to him on his last outing. Nothing bad he met a very lovey dog apparently because he was covered in doggy mlems. He sat up so proud of himself when he came home, he just staired at me super proud of himself. I have a photo of this moment too. For the next ten years he would spend most every night with me, cuddling up and being a butt. A silly commemorative video of him trying to take my burrito out of my hand as he was so curious of what it was immerged. A trend he had till the end. And just before we moved his health took a major turn during the summer of 2023 when he fell very ill. I swore this was it, he had a fever, sickly discharge and just wasn't normal. A vet hospital visits later and with medicines he was able to recover. I got my little nugget boy back, but he lost his voice for a good few months and his meow changed forever.

The final move, after 10 years living at the rental, we were in we had to move again and this time he didn't want anything to do with the carrier, but he made it. He'd adopted the nickname of old man kiddy as he was 16/17 at the time. He spent the next two years being extra cuddly, when I would do my vacations (only had 2 at this point) I would call home, and everyone would be there including him who would sulk when I wasn't around. He was very attached to me and I to him. He knew my voice and everyone else's voices oh so well. But I knew something was up after this move. His usual behavior of slinking away when we had a guest over had turned into him lying about not bothered by other people being around. Hed even go up to you which he never did before unless you gave him a treat. He grew to have deep conversations with you if you entered the kitchen in the morning and throughout the day wanting to have some food. Of course, he got his wet food treats whenever he begged because he deserved it.

The final weeks with him, out of the blue he started losing a lot of weight dropping from 10 pounds to only 5.7 pounds in a few weeks. A trend we noticed and tried correcting with vet help. Nothing was working. He stopped going to the kitchen and wanting food like normal, and he stopped going up the stairs... I won't go over what else he started doing but he wasn't doing well. So, we had a mobile vet service come over and gave him some pain medicines and an IV which perked him back up... but now I traded a sickly cat for a very unstable and wobbly in pain cat... something was wrong even more wrong than before. He chowed down and hardly meowed for the next 3 days. Then this week began... 6 days after his visit he took a big tumble and really started hiding all sorts of odd places. He ate sometimes and it seemed we were back to where we were sex days ago... And last night, his final night, my baby, my nugget... my walrus, started breathing wrong, audibly gasping so we gave him a humidifier and helped him through the night as he had an appointment for the afternoon. He struggled to move and was even lighter then when the vet came in the six days prior. He lost his sense of where he was meowed softly when I put him in the carrier one final time... I hoped he would recover from this like last time but deep down I knew this was the end... After a short drive we made it to the same clinic that helped him last year, they looked him over, were surprised by how strong his heart was, but noticed some glairing issues. For one his body temp dropped to 95f which is low for cats... Enlarged kidneys were the least of it. My poor boy developed cancer in his intestines which caused a blockage and which we learned after his ultrasound and bloodwork. Two options lay before us, one was to put him through aggressive treatments at an emergency care clinic where he would be so un comfy and possibly die from the stress or... make the hardest decision anyone could ever make... we picked the last one and I know it was the right and fair decision for my poor boy... I held him in my arms he was so cold they had him wrapped up in a blanket heavily sedated. He began looking around but one of his eyes was not right he... was beginning to die. Myself, my mother and father stayed in the room while my other family members left for the euthanasia medicine. I held him just like the day I got him. Nice and tight and with love and care. I gave him one last headbut as he loved to do that. She put his first injection which was a sedative I saw him take his last breath before the euthanasia medicine was given to him. He was in so much pain that the sedative took him. My boy, my baby, my Shadow. May you rest in peace my lovely handsome boy... His time of passing was 7pm on Friday July 26th.

Shadow
2007-2024

Art © Zafiro-rosso <-- Thank you so much for this doodle.
Krag © Kragith

I know this isn't my usual thing to post about things that hurt me, but I wanted to say something this time...