I still experience sometimes what most would consider heavy hallucinations, I needed to do this vent for a little bit of peace.

The green object is what I saw last, like a bell with a ribbon but it moved like a Wasp/Hornet. I couldn't actually decipher between hallucinations or reality.

Then I experience other things, like shadows, all that move like people, animals, creatures that I can't stomach and feel afraid.

See, when it happens, I'm left wondering if it was real or not. I've been told people with Psychosis and BPD can experience all kinds of things like this. What puzzles my therapist and doctor - is that I can recall with such clarity, but when I recall things - I become confused and 'out of it'.

Its scary, i'm not doing this for clout or even to be 'edgy'...this has been part of my life since I can remember as a child.

Some of the figures can be incredibly intimidating, some comforting, the but the bell...I dont understand the bell and ribbon hallucination.

A few of my friends have seen me hallucinate at meets and whatnot, where i've been suddenly cold, spaced out , then seem to return to normal and joke about it. Sometimes I cant joke.

It scares people away from me, which I hate. I struggle with BPD, C-PTSD and Psychosis , symptoms can keep me bed-ridden from depression, terrified of going outside, terrified of mirrors and shadows, small noises, sounds, smells, stuff like that.

When I was younger I was told it could be something like ghosts or spirits trying to get my attention, some faces are familiar of those i've lost...and I swear i've seen my Great Grandad more than I did IRL when he was alive.

I'm rambling, I needed to get this out. I'm sorry if it triggers or scares anyone.

If you know what the bell and ribbon means, please tell me.

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Fleabag (C)

Art (C)