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(TRIGGER WARNING!!!: Stages of grief, depression and trauma, and generally a very emotional discussion!)
Today was a day I believe has changed my life forever. And I truly can't recall any other time I've felt this thankful to be alive.
Just the other day, Linkin Park, the band that changed my life, who helped me survive depression, and ignited my truest passion for all forms of music and art; has finally returned to making new music, with a new lineup of passionate members.
In 2017, when their original lead singer Chester Bennington died, I was just as shaken up as everyone else who grew up with his voice in my life. But for me it was an even darker time than most of us experienced, as in that year I was already struggling with the death of a best friend, and was also still struggling to process my family's violent divorce. Chester had left us at the time I needed his music more than ever before.
Ironically, I'm almost thankful Linkin Park had to break up for a while, because ever since then I've been branching out into newer subgenres of music that have all played their part in helping me get through the hardships of life, and I wouldn't have found all this new music if I wasn't forced to take a break from LP. With many metal and pop artists such as Motionless in White, Amalee, NWTB, From Ashes To New, and Escape The Fate equally becoming new idols in my life, I've found many new favorite songs and albums that have all touched my heart. But this entire time, nothing has ever moved or ignited me in the way Linkin Park's music has. From their atmospheric effects, to their hardcore beats, and their lyrics of the truest and most pure human emotions; their songs are something special that resonates with my heart, and is capable of lifting me back up in my darkest of times.
Even after accepting Chester's death and exploring new music, my life still proved a bit more difficult without the shining beacon of hope that was my bucket-list-level dream to see them live in concert one day. In an effort to cope with this idea that I'd never be able to experience one of their shows in person, I even blew $200 on the physical collector's edition of Meteora's 20th anniversary re-release.
It's been such a long time without the fire of their sound pushing me forward, that I genuinely forgot what it was like to hear new music by the group. And today, after a the most surprising media news of my life, that all changed as their sound has now reached back into my heart and lifted me up again. With the announcement of their new album "From Zero", and the release of their first new single in over 7 years, it feels like I've stumbled across a key to my inner flame that I lost somewhere in the dark long ago.
But ya see, that in itself would've been enough to change my life and reignite my spark for art on its own. But today was even happier than that, as I watched the VOD of their reunion performance live stream that happened yesterday that I missed out on. Volume up super loud, in the family living room, on our new oversized 4K TV set.
Their new lead singer's rendition of "Waiting For The End" brought me TO TEARS. I was sobbing and wailing out loud, as if I was holding an old friend in my arms for the first time in years. I can't think of a time I've ever seen or felt something so beautiful, or anything else that has made me so happy to the point of physically bawling my eyes out just HOWLING out loud in a river of joyful tears. If I was still christian, I'd say it was like I touched a piece of heaven today. But as the practicing pagan I am now, I knew it in my heart that this was something truly special: that I'd been touched by a piece of art so powerfully that it caused all my neglected emotions to burst all at once. Today I finally felt like every night when my heart felt cold and alone, every day shaking and hiding under my bed sheets, every day talking to my therapist and fighting back at my terrifying thoughts of self harm: every ounce of struggle to get here AND SURVIVE MY DEPRESSION was worth it just for this day. The day I never thought I'd see come true, that my musical heroes would return with a whole new sound that touches my soul just as powerfully as it has before.
I can't emphasize the importance of that one particular detail enough though: in their performance of Waiting For The End, I cried. Out loud. VERY, VERY LOUD!!! Just... WAILING and bawling my eyes out. But in a way I don't think I ever have before. Like I was finally happy to be alive again. Like I finally know now that I've accepted my grief for my best friend, like I've found a happier life in my family, and like I've finally emerged victorious against the face of my past days of depression. Like the fire in me that lives and breathes for this type of music has finally been found again.
In this quick little art piece, I've attempted to capture these feelings of this monumental day in my life. The spirit of my life's heroes finally coming back to my heart, the thankfulness to be alive and happy, and the glorious victory against depression after finally healing from both trauma and the stages of grief, and the warm otherworldly embrace of these feelings hitting me all at once today.
But a part of why I'm so happy today, is because I know the struggles of life don't just "end" when you have a magical experience like this. I know in my future there's still going to be days I'm gonna need a good cry, or days I'm going to be sad about something I never expected, days in my life I'm going to be afraid of something, and days in my life that friends and family will pass away again. But with this spark, with this fire that is my love for art and music reignited in my heart, I feel like I'm ready for anything now. The music that carries me through the hard times no longer feels associated with missed opportunities and the loss of a beloved artist. It feels like the spark in my heart that I call my love for art has been fully reborn today. In a process that involved a lot of tears, and many long years of waiting.
Today was a very good day. I feel like a whole new person. I've been changed in a way my life was needing.
Thank you, Linkin Park. <3
---
Waiting For The End, rendition with lead singer Emily Armstrong: @ 22:27 in this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL1nlWOciL0&t=1593s
Today was a day I believe has changed my life forever. And I truly can't recall any other time I've felt this thankful to be alive.
Just the other day, Linkin Park, the band that changed my life, who helped me survive depression, and ignited my truest passion for all forms of music and art; has finally returned to making new music, with a new lineup of passionate members.
In 2017, when their original lead singer Chester Bennington died, I was just as shaken up as everyone else who grew up with his voice in my life. But for me it was an even darker time than most of us experienced, as in that year I was already struggling with the death of a best friend, and was also still struggling to process my family's violent divorce. Chester had left us at the time I needed his music more than ever before.
Ironically, I'm almost thankful Linkin Park had to break up for a while, because ever since then I've been branching out into newer subgenres of music that have all played their part in helping me get through the hardships of life, and I wouldn't have found all this new music if I wasn't forced to take a break from LP. With many metal and pop artists such as Motionless in White, Amalee, NWTB, From Ashes To New, and Escape The Fate equally becoming new idols in my life, I've found many new favorite songs and albums that have all touched my heart. But this entire time, nothing has ever moved or ignited me in the way Linkin Park's music has. From their atmospheric effects, to their hardcore beats, and their lyrics of the truest and most pure human emotions; their songs are something special that resonates with my heart, and is capable of lifting me back up in my darkest of times.
Even after accepting Chester's death and exploring new music, my life still proved a bit more difficult without the shining beacon of hope that was my bucket-list-level dream to see them live in concert one day. In an effort to cope with this idea that I'd never be able to experience one of their shows in person, I even blew $200 on the physical collector's edition of Meteora's 20th anniversary re-release.
It's been such a long time without the fire of their sound pushing me forward, that I genuinely forgot what it was like to hear new music by the group. And today, after a the most surprising media news of my life, that all changed as their sound has now reached back into my heart and lifted me up again. With the announcement of their new album "From Zero", and the release of their first new single in over 7 years, it feels like I've stumbled across a key to my inner flame that I lost somewhere in the dark long ago.
But ya see, that in itself would've been enough to change my life and reignite my spark for art on its own. But today was even happier than that, as I watched the VOD of their reunion performance live stream that happened yesterday that I missed out on. Volume up super loud, in the family living room, on our new oversized 4K TV set.
Their new lead singer's rendition of "Waiting For The End" brought me TO TEARS. I was sobbing and wailing out loud, as if I was holding an old friend in my arms for the first time in years. I can't think of a time I've ever seen or felt something so beautiful, or anything else that has made me so happy to the point of physically bawling my eyes out just HOWLING out loud in a river of joyful tears. If I was still christian, I'd say it was like I touched a piece of heaven today. But as the practicing pagan I am now, I knew it in my heart that this was something truly special: that I'd been touched by a piece of art so powerfully that it caused all my neglected emotions to burst all at once. Today I finally felt like every night when my heart felt cold and alone, every day shaking and hiding under my bed sheets, every day talking to my therapist and fighting back at my terrifying thoughts of self harm: every ounce of struggle to get here AND SURVIVE MY DEPRESSION was worth it just for this day. The day I never thought I'd see come true, that my musical heroes would return with a whole new sound that touches my soul just as powerfully as it has before.
I can't emphasize the importance of that one particular detail enough though: in their performance of Waiting For The End, I cried. Out loud. VERY, VERY LOUD!!! Just... WAILING and bawling my eyes out. But in a way I don't think I ever have before. Like I was finally happy to be alive again. Like I finally know now that I've accepted my grief for my best friend, like I've found a happier life in my family, and like I've finally emerged victorious against the face of my past days of depression. Like the fire in me that lives and breathes for this type of music has finally been found again.
In this quick little art piece, I've attempted to capture these feelings of this monumental day in my life. The spirit of my life's heroes finally coming back to my heart, the thankfulness to be alive and happy, and the glorious victory against depression after finally healing from both trauma and the stages of grief, and the warm otherworldly embrace of these feelings hitting me all at once today.
But a part of why I'm so happy today, is because I know the struggles of life don't just "end" when you have a magical experience like this. I know in my future there's still going to be days I'm gonna need a good cry, or days I'm going to be sad about something I never expected, days in my life I'm going to be afraid of something, and days in my life that friends and family will pass away again. But with this spark, with this fire that is my love for art and music reignited in my heart, I feel like I'm ready for anything now. The music that carries me through the hard times no longer feels associated with missed opportunities and the loss of a beloved artist. It feels like the spark in my heart that I call my love for art has been fully reborn today. In a process that involved a lot of tears, and many long years of waiting.
Today was a very good day. I feel like a whole new person. I've been changed in a way my life was needing.
Thank you, Linkin Park. <3
---
Waiting For The End, rendition with lead singer Emily Armstrong: @ 22:27 in this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL1nlWOciL0&t=1593s
Category Artwork (Digital) / Fanart
Species Original Species
Size 1920 x 1080px
File Size 1.28 MB
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